It Begins at the End
by northGAgirl34
Summary: Bella is happily married with a surprise baby on the way and looking forward to the day her husband comes home from deployment.  Edward is her husband's best friend. They both face tragedy and are there to help each other through the process. AH
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Bella

"How are my two favorite Cullen's doing?", he said.

"Well, Jasper said all is well in Seattle—the weather is still crappy but they are happy to be home from the honeymoon and getting back into their routine. Alice is still super in love with your brother and said that Hawaii was awesome, but Lanai was better than Maui… and that we should definitely plan a trip there when you get home. Honestly, it was everything I could do to keep our secret quiet." I heard James chuckle a bit so I just kept on. "I'm kidding—we are doing well. I didn't throw up this morning and I am feeling much more energized today. I swear…I thought morning sickness was only supposed to last 3 months. Plus, how can I not be having a great day when I'm are getting to talk with you."

"I'm glad you are felling good today- I know it's been rough and I've missed out on helping you. I wish that I had been there to help you out." He said—I could hear the guilt in his voice.

"James, you are going to be here before the baby comes, when I'm nice and fat and not even able to see my toes. You'll probably have to rub my fat feet and help me tie my shoes, and you'll be here for all the important stuff so don't worry. Hey, how are you able to call anyway? I thought you had patrol this morning."

"Well, it was canceled because a group of Senators and brass are coming from DC and we have to put on a big shit show for them….so Captain Cullen got to stay behind to help get everything ready. I really wish I were out on patrol though—playing G.I. Joe for politicians is not what I signed up for. I swear, these people from DC come over here and want the royal treatment and to watch the big boys "play war", but what they see isn't what we do on a daily basis….it drives me up the wall. Anyway, when do you work again?"

"I'm on a 12 hour shift beginning tomorrow at 7am so I'll leave here around 6am to get there in time and get caught up on my patients. Don't worry, I'm not too tired or working too much. Vanderbilt is such a great hospital and I'm so happy that I'm here instead of at the base. The extra drive is totally worth it—I'm much happier here than I would've been at Ft. Campbell's hospital." As soon as the words left my mouth I started thinking about what we would do when the baby comes. Being pregnant came as such a surprise—who would think they could get pregnant while their husband was home for two weeks of R&R over the past 6 months. There is just so much to think about.

James's voice interrupted my thoughts, "Well baby, I have to get going—some of my men need the phone. You be careful and take care of yourself—only 3 more months and I'm home and then out for good. I hope you've been thinking about moving back to Seattle. It'd be great to be close to home and have all that family around to help out with a little baby. Oh yeah, and if you see Edward at the hospital, warn him he's got an email from me that he'd better read ASAP." He said jokingly.

"Goof, don't give him a hard time. He's still in the "honeymoon phase" being with Lauren—it's still new. Remember when we were like that." James and I couldn't keep our hands off each other during that time.

Who would've thought that meeting Alice's fiancé's brother at their wedding would result in my marriage to an Officer in the Army, moving every 3 years and now a baby on the way. When I think back to the adventures James and I have had it puts the goofiest grin on my face. He is a fabulous man, wonderful son and I know he'll be a great father. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

I continued, "Ok, I'll tell him IF I see him. I love you, James—stay safe and don't be a hero." This is how I end all of our calls. Don't get me wrong, I'd be proud of James if he was the hero but the selfish person in me wants to remind him to come home…especially now that there will be an us.

"Alright Bella, I love you too. Take care of you and little Cullen for me. I'll call you as soon as I can. Bye baby." And with that another call in the books and one day closer to James's deployment being complete and him leaving Afghanistan and coming home.

The rest of the evening was uneventful…A call from Alice where I relayed all that James and I had talked about, minus the baby talk. James and I decided we'd tell the family over Christmas in 3 months. I won't see them before then and I should still be relatively small so I'm hoping they won't be able to tell, and he'll be on speakerphone and after that just one month before he's home.

After an episode of Modern Family I decided it was time to be off to bed. Being a nurse has its benefits but the thought of waking up at 5am another 12-hour shift on the pediatrics floor brought none of those benefits to mind.

5am came early and by 6:30 I was at the hospital and getting all the overnight info on the patients. Nothing earth shattering so yet another day starts. Luckily, I haven't gained a ton of weight for being 4 months along so no one I worked with realized I was pregnant—just thought I had a bout with the flu a few months back…since then I've learned how to hide the all day sickness.

I took a break around 11am and went down to the surgical floor to see if Edward was working. For someone that is James's best friend from undergrad and works two floors down from me, we rarely see or talk to one another. I mostly hear about him from the emails James receives but when we do get to see him, it's a great time—always fun. I don't blame him though, who wants to hang out with old married people. Edward is in a surgeon's world and being one of the younger surgeons at Vanderbilt, his schedule is hectic—not a lot of openings in his social calendar and even less now that he's started dating someone.

I went in search of the charge nurse to ask if Dr. Masen was working today and she said he wasn't. "Well, I'll just have to call him tonight and give him a head's up about James's email," I said to no one in particular.

After a quick stop for a decaf coffee and a snack, I headed back to the pediatrics floor. As I was leaving the cafeteria, I noticed the news showing shots of military actions in the Middle East but thought nothing of it—I see it everyday.

Heading back to the floor I stopped to say "hi" to Tanya and asked how she was doing and the small talk that goes along with that.

After 3 more hours I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I only had 3 hours to go on my shift and was heading to my favorite patient's room. Seth was a 6 year old that was battling Leukemia and doing a heck of a job. Recently all his tests had come back negative so he was getting to go home at the end of the week. You could tell when you walked in his room that he was excited and it was contagious.

As I rounded the corner I caught sight of Edward and gave him a warm smile but noticed he didn't respond. It was after his lack of response that I took in the entire scene. Behind Edward were 2 men dressed in an Army dress uniform, one being Emmett McCarty, and one was carrying a briefcase. Having been a military spouse for long enough, I knew what these men were here to do.

My expression changed what I can only assume was put devastation. I looked back at Edward and said the first thing that came to mind.

"NO!"

Edward

My day started out as any other day I had off after working a 36-hour shift—by me sleeping in. By the time I woke up it was after 10am and after lounging for about 30 minutes, I decided to actually get myself up and out of the bed.

After finishing my morning routine, I decided it was time to check my email. I only get to check it about every few days so it usually takes me some time to get all caught up. Sifting through the junk mail and reading a few from friends, I came across one name that I was happy to see- James Cullen, my best friend from Virginia Tech.

James and I met each other the first week of school—during fraternity rush week. I know, I know—a lot of people think rush is organized cliques and partying and womanizing and I'm not going to argue that but for me, joining a fraternity was a great way to make friends and get out there. I spent my years in high school being a social moron and decided that when I left Seattle for college that I'd try to break out of my shell—it was much easier to do with the help of a fraternity and the fact that no one I went to high school with was heading to VT. Anyway, after rushing the same fraternity that year, James and I discovered that we were from the same city and became great friends—and by default I became great friends with his brother, Jasper.

The email started out the same as always, "Masen, you jackass—how the hell are you?". This was James way of saying hello via email—I think this must be common in the Army.

_Masen, I know it's been a while since we spoke but I thought I'd drop you an email. I always ask Bella about you but she says she really doesn't see you much—especially now that you are dating Lauren. Bella tells me not to give you shit about it because apparently you are in the 'honeymoon phase' and we were in that phase once also. I think it's a load of shit but I would never tell Bella that—I learned a long time ago not to argue with that girl._

_Anyway, things are the same over here…hot and shitty. Man, I can't tell you how ready I am to get home and get out—only 3 months to go and then I'm out of the sandbox for good. Bella and I have so many plans for when I get home—I hope we can get back to Seattle but know that if we do, it's going to be shit without you. Can you believe it's been 9 years since that freaking debacle called rush? I'm laughing right now just thinking of all the shit we went through. Damn_

_I have to run but I wanted to ask a favor. If you get a chance, please check in on Bella—she hasn't been feeling well lately and I really don't want her to overdo it, not that you can convince her otherwise but if you wouldn't mind just stopping by her floor next time you are on, I'd appreciate it. She's my life and I'd hate for her to get in over her head. But whatever you do, please DO NOT tell her I've asked you to check on her—she'd have my head on a platter._

_Ok man, hope you are doing well—no doubt you are saving lives and making a name for yourself in Nashville—looking forward to having a beer or a six pack with you when I get home in February._

_Later, _

_Cullen_

After reading over the email a few times I replied with small chit chat—telling him that I was happy to check in on Bella and I'd let him know how she is—and that my next shift is in 2 days so to xpect an email from me sometime after then.

Bella—man what a lucky guy James is. He met Bella at his brother's wedding and the rest was history as they say. James and Bella had hit it off right away and seemed to really have a lot in common. To say that I wasn't jealous was a lie—I met Bella that same night and immediately felt a pull to her but James is much smoother than me and after the wedding, asked her out….and 9 months later he had a ring on her finger. So yeah, I was jealous but now I realize that although Bella is a great girl, James is a better match for her than me—and now I'm just jealous of what they have…a best friend, lover and someone to just have a great time with and make memories with. Of course these thoughts led me to my current dating life—Lauren.

Lauren and I met at a bar…yeah, I met her at a bar- so what. She's a fun girl and I enjoy hanging out with her—is she the love of my life, probably not but right now she's someone that I like being with. And as James said, the "honeymoon phase" is always fun…even if you only get to see the person once or twice a week. My cell phone ringing brought me out of my Lauren haze and back to present day.

"Hello"

"Hey Edward, it's Lauren…I know you are off today so I just wanted to see if you were available for dinner."

What to say, what to say. "Hey you—yeah, I'm around tonight. Want to meet at Ted's around 7pm?"

"That sounds great—I'll see you then," she replied. That is one thing I enjoy about Lauren—she doesn't linger…she says her peace and moves on.

After hanging up I went about the rest of my day—lunch, shower, TV, nap, errands and by 3pm I was already looking forward to a nice burger from Ted's. Again, my phone ringing brought me out of my thoughts—looking at it I saw Jasper's number show up.

"Hey man, what's going on?" I asked Jasper.

Silence.

"Jasper, man you there?"

"Yeah," he replied, choking up a bit. "Listen, I have something to tell you."

At his response, I began to worry. It's not like Jasper to call me out of the blue and sound like this. Jasper has to be the most even-tempered person I know, very non emotional.

"What's going on?"

"Dad just got a call from the CAO, Captain McCarty. I really don't know how to say this—James was involved in a roadside bombing and didn't make it. That's all I know. I'm sorry to have to tell you over the phone like this." Jasper barely got the last sentence out.

"Fuck. Fuck! Jasper man, I'm sorry. Shit, that's just… shit. Holy Fuck. What…..what…. can I do to help", I stumbled out. There were a million different things running through my mind at this moment: my best friend had been killed, I had just heard from him and now he was gone, how is that possible. Shit. Jasper's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"Listen, we don't think Bella knows yet. Alice said she's working today and never has her cell phone with her while on a shift. I need you to go to her and be with her before she gets her messages or the Army shows up to tell her in person. If they get to her, she's going to be a wreck and will need someone to help her—I need that to be you," he said.

"Yeah man, no problem. You know I'll do whatever possible. I'll leave right now."

"Thanks. My parents and I are going to be there tomorrow but I need someone to help her tonight. I know she's got friends there but if you wouldn't mind staying with her, that's be great."

I answered immediately, "Jasper, I'll be here. Call me when your plans are set or if you need to talk to Bella."

He replied, "thanks, man. I'll talk to you soon."

I left immediately and made it to the hospital in record time. As I was getting out of my car, I noticed two soldiers walking towards the hospital so I went over to them.

"Excuse me. You men don't happen to be here for Mrs. Cullen, do you? My name is Edward Masen."

They looked at each other and the big one answered, "Mr. Masen, I'm Emmett McCarty. In fact we are here to see Mrs. Cullen."

"I'm a friend of the family and Jasper, James' brother, called to let me know about James and asked that I be here to help Bella or just be here with her when you talk to her. We don't believe she knows."

Again Mr. McCarty spoke, "She probably doesn't. We were just heading in to speak with her."

With that we all walked towards the Pediatrics floor and to give Bella the worse news of her life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **

**I'm new to the world of writing and publishing fanfic so I forgot to put an A/N on the first chapter. I'm going to update once a week and try to get chapters written ahead of time so I never miss a day. My update day will probably be Sunday as of right now.**

**On another note, thank you to all who have taken an interest in this story...I want to be completely honest, I am not a writer. I'll probably screw up where to put commas, etc. I actually once had a professor tell me as much but this subject is close to my heart as I have a lot of friends in the military and a lot of close friends that are military spouses. That being said, I don't know anyone that has been KIA, only injured, so if I get something wrong, feel free to let me know. I'm going to try to research as much as possible on what happens after a spouse is KIA but I may mess up.**

**On with the show:**

Chapter 2

Bella

"No!"

Immediately Edward and the two men became blurry from the tears that quickly formed in my eyes. I'm not sure if I actually yelled the word "no" or just said it silently to myself because Edward's face didn't change at all. Maybe this is all a daydream...some pregnancy brain, hormone overload or something.

I started shaking my head back an forth, "Edward, no. Don't say it, please don't say it. I just talked to him yesterday, everything was fine. He was waiting for some people from Washington or something. I'm sure he's just out with them."

"Bella, let's go into a room and talk there", he said.

Edward put his hand on the small of my back and lead me into one of the empty rooms without so much as a word after my outburst. After the two men followed us in and closed the door they began to speak.

"Mrs. Cullen, I'm Major Johnson and you know Captain McCarty", the smaller man said. He looked vaguely familiar but living on a base like Ft. Campbell, all the soldiers look similar after a while. After Major Johnson introduced himself I looked over at Emmett and saw nothing but regret on his face, he gave me a sad smile. I saw Emmett's lips moving but zoned out a bit and didn't really hear what he was saying. Honestly, it wasn't that I didn't hear but that I couldn't understand. It was almost as if I were under water and someone was trying to have a conversation with me. Out of nowhere Major Johnson's voice snapped me out of my space out, "we regret to inform you of the death of your husband, Captain James Cullen." And I lost it, I could hear the sobbing and wheezing that I could only assume was me.

What seemed like years passed.

"Bella, Bella can you hear me", I looked up and saw that Edward was in front of me. "I need you to breath sweetheart or you are going to pass out. Bella, come on, sit down—head between your knees. In through the nose, out through the mouth, Deep breaths." Edward put me in a chair and put his hand on my shoulder to stabilize me. Then he began speaking to the two men.

"What is the next step in this process? Will someone call her to let he know what arrangements need to be made?"

Emmett answered, "I will be the Casualty Assistance Officer. That means that I'll be the liaison between Bella and the Army so can relay anyp[ information, help her through the process and answer any questions she may have."

At this I stopped him. I mustered up as much courage I could find and began to speak, "Emmett, what happened? I just talked with him yesterday. They were waiting for some DC people to come into town. He was pissed because he didn't want to have to entertain them. I don't understand."

Emmett answered, "Bella, what I've been told is that he was asked to pick up a patrol through the city and as they were leaving town someone walked up to his vehicle and detonated a bomb. Apparently he saw what was about to happen and opened the door and jumped at the civilian." Emmett stopped and looked at Edward and then continued, "he absorbed most of the explosion and was killed instantly. Bella, I know this doesn't help but he saved his men's lives. Had he not opened the door and jumped, the bomb wouldn't gone off and many more people would've been injured or killed. He's a hero."

When Emmett said that word I immediately thought of the last thing I said to James "don't be a hero". I just started shaking my head and sobbing uncontrollably. Edward tried to reach for me but I hit his hand away. I didn't want any comfort, I wanted James in front of me so I could yell at him and ask him why. Why did he leave us—doesn't he know that I need him, no we need him, more than anyone right now. Finally I got my breathing under control when I thought about the "we". I have to take care of myself and my little one.

All I could do was stare at Edward. I knew I wouldn't be able to come up with any questions as all I could think about was being alone, alone and pregnant. I was going to be a single mom—yesterday life was perfect, today it was a mess. What do you do when things are turned upside so quickly?

It could've been minutes or hours but finally Edward bent down in front of me and began speaking.

"Bella, lets get you out of here, Emmett will be in touch and there is no reason to stay—I want to take you home and we should call Jasper. I've already talked to the charge nurse and they have someone coming in to finish up your shift."

Jasper, Alice, Esme…oh God Esme, and of course Carlisle. I stood up like a zombie and Edward put his arm around my shoulder. I hadn't even noticed that the other two men left. Finally I looked at Edward and saw the sorrow, worry and a hint of anger in his eyes—after all, he had just lost his best friend.

"I need to get my purse, it's in my locker. And I need to call Jasper and Alice, and Esme. Oh God, Esme—she's going to be devastated", all I could do was repeat my last thought. "And what am I supposed to do Edward—what did they say? When will James be home?" I choked out the last question and broke down again. The tears came and continued rolling down my face.

As Edward guided me to the locker room so I could get my purse he began to speak, "Emmett is going to be in touch once he knows everything", then he lead me outside to his car. At this point I needed someone to do all the thinking for me—I just couldn't right now.

We made it to my house faster than I ever had before or maybe I had zoned out again. Edward got out of the car and came around to help me out and then we went inside and I sat on the couch.

Edward sat down on the coffee table and looked at me. "Bella, I'm going to call Jasper and talk with him or would you like to?" I shook my head no. "Ok."

I heard talking in the background but didn't listen to what was actually being said. Out of nowhere I was hit with nausea and jumped up to run for the bathroom. After heaving into the toilet a few times I sat back against the wall and let the tears come. The next thing I felt was a cool washcloth and Edward pulling the hair away from my face. Finally I looked at him and said what had been on my mind all day, "What are we going to do?"

"I spoke to Alice and she let me know that she, Jasper and Esme and Carlisle will be in town tomorrow afternoon. They are going to come here straight from the airport and then ya'll are going to make some decisions. I'm going to stay with you until they get here and make sure you are ok."

He didn't understand. "No, Edward—what are we going to do? I'm pregnant."

Edward

"No, Edward—What are we going to do? I'm pregnant."

And with that statement everything shifted. I looked into Bella's red, blood shot eyes and my heart broke all over again. She was a widow and a single mother all in one day. In what world is this fair? How could this have possibly happened to someone I know, that I'm close to? And then my mind switched to doctor mode.

"Bella, how far along are you?"

"4 months. I'm supposed to go for my 20 week ultrasound on November 15th. James was so excited to find out what we are having."

"When was the last time you ate?"

She answered so softly that I barely heard, "my break about around lunch time but it was only a snack. But I really don't know if I can eat right now."

I left her in the bathroom and went to the kitchen to see what I could find. After finding milk, fruit and making her a couple of pieces of toast, I went back to the bathroom but she was no longer around. I found Bella laying on her bed so I put the food on her bedside table and went to kneel down next to her head…she was just laying there with her eyes open but not really looking at anything.

"Sweetheart, I need you to eat this—I know you probably don't feel like it but we need to keep that baby healthy….even if it's just a few pieces."

Bella nodded and sat up and began picking at the food. After about ten minutes and eating half the fruit, one piece of toast and drinking the milk, Bella laid back down.

"I think I just want to go to sleep right now. I'm sure people will be calling and there are things I should be doing but I think I just need to rest a bit and be alone. Is that ok?" she asked.

"Of course it is. I'll be in the living room when you wake up…come out when you are ready, ok? I'll find us something for dinner." And with that I closed the door and walked across the hall, into the office. I'd been here enough times before James deployed to know where the different rooms were.

I don't like snooping around but Jasper asked if I would talk to Bella about James's wishes and before I upset her more I thought I'd see if they had any files. After about 5 minutes I located the file entitled "Deployment 2010" and looked inside…there was everything I needed from his wishes for the funeral, to life insurance documents, the Power of Attorney and so on. I put it aside for Jasper when he arrived and then went back to the living room. Once I sat down I really had time to think, I broke down. Bella had lost everything and I had lost a good friend. My heart broke for myself, for Jasper, for Bella and for James—for the child he'd never know. I can't imagine.

I don't know how long I sat there but I was startled by my cell phone vibrating across the coffee table.

"Hello", I answered in a hoarse voice.

"Edward? Hi, it's Lauren."

"Shit—Lauren, I meant to call you. It's been a horrible day and I've been handling some stuff. I'm so sorry, are you at the restaurant?" I asked.

"Yes, but it's ok….what's going on?" she responded.

"Jasper called sometime this afternoon to let me know that James was killed by a suicide bomber in Afghanistan," I choked out, "he was killed, Lauren. I just got an email from him."

I heard her suck in her breath.

"Edward, I'm so sorry…I know how close you both were. What can I do for you?"

"Nothing right now. Jasper called because he thought maybe Bella hadn't been told yet since she was at work and wanted me to go be with her. Luckily I caught the two soldiers that were sent to tell her before they got to her floor and went with them. It's awful Lauren, she's lost everything and she's a mess. I'm actually at her house right now, I'm going to stay here tonight—then the rest of the Cullen's should be here tomorrow."

"Ok, well why don't you call me tomorrow. I'm here if you need me or if Bella needs anything. I know I don't really know her but I just cannot begin to imagine what she's feeling. I'll definitely be thinking of her", she said.

"I will. And, I'm so sorry I left you hanging at Ted's…that's terrible of me. I feel awful."

"Edward, don't worry about it—you had a lot on your mind. I'm not upset and I don't want you to be. We'll catch up tomorrow, ok? Talk to you then."

"Bye." And with that I hung up.

I laid my head back and closed my eyes…the last thought I had was of Bella—a twenty-six year old single mom that just lost her husband to war. I suddenly found myself feeling guilty, I'm a surgeon, young and unattached and can go anywhere I wanted. Bella has the world weighing her shoulders down right now. I found myself making James a silent promise, "I'll watch over them and make sure they are ok."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Bella

When I finally blinked my eyes open it was dark outside. For a minute I thought it had all been a very bad dream and then I remembered everything. Edward, Emmett and the other soldier, "we regret to inform you", "we are sorry for your loss", but I just couldn't bring myself to let the tears fall. I had to get up and begin to make plans for James's arrival home and the rest of my life…but before that I needed food.

I made my way to the kitchen and began looking around for what I could make for dinner.

"I was just about to do the same thing, want me to make us some dinner?" I gasped when I heard Edward's voice, forgetting that he said he was going to stay the night.

"Sorry, you scared me. Yeah, if you don't mind. I think I need to go to the office and look for some files." I knew that James had a file for the deployment and he told me it was in the desk. Knowing James he made it as easy as possible for me to plan everything, he probably even told me what songs to play at his funeral. I know most couples talk about what the other wants when someone dies but I just don't think that ever crossed our minds, that James could not come home from this deployment. All he ever told me was that he wanted to go home when it was all said and done.

"Bella, I don't want you to be upset but when you were napping I went into the office to see if I could find something that had all of the information we needed. Jasper asked me to talk to you about it but I thought I'd look first. Anyway, I found the "Deployment 2010" file and I think that's everything you need. We can wait for the rest of the Cullen's to get here before we do anything else." He looked at me like I was a wounded animal and he didn't want to make any sudden movements so as to not freak me out.

"Yeah, that's it. I don't really know what all he wanted, just that he wanted to go back to Forks. God love him he loved that place." I said with a shiver. "Unfortunately, I didn't always agree…it's so rainy and gloomy there but that was home for him and he always said that if something happened to him then he wanted to go home so that's where we'll take him," I responded. "Was there anything else in the file that I need to know about?"

Edward answered quickly, "Nothing that needs to be taken care of right now." I nodded in response.

The evening progressed slowly without much conversation. Edward fixed me dinner, I ate and then we sat in front of the TV. I told Edward we could watch anything but the news, I just didn't think I could handle that right now because no doubt there would be some story about what was going on in Afghanistan and how many Americans died that day. After about an hour, he finally broke the silence.

"Bella, can you tell me about the baby? How far along are you?"

A soft smile came to my face and when I looked at him, he had one too. I'm sure Edward was trying to cheer me up and it worked a little bit. "I'm about 17 weeks. I actually have my 20 week sonogram in a few weeks to find out what we're…." I choked up a bit, "what I'm having. James was so excited, we were going to tell everyone at Christmas when he was on the phone. I guess I'll just tell them when they get here tomorrow."

"What's your due date?" he asked.

"March 22nd. At least I'm not due in the middle of the summer, it would've been hot."

"Wow, you're going to be a mom. I'm so happy for you. I know you are going to be a great mom…and I'm sure little Cullen is going to be the most spoiled baby around. I can't wait to see who he or she looks like. What if they end up with James and Carlisle's blonde hair. Do you have a feeling of what you are having?"

"Yeah, you know Esme and Carlisle are going to be so excited. First grandchild. I don't have a feeling of what it is but I'd love to have a little boy. I just hope they don't want me to move to Washington because it's not going to happen. I love Nashville, our home is here." I just sat there and shook my head. "What am I even saying? I can't be thinking of things like this, I need to focus on James." And with that statement the tears finally came rolling down my face.

Edward put his arm around me and we just sat there for a moment. Edward finally looked down at me and said, "Bella, there is a lot to think about and your mind is going to be jumping all over the place. We are all going to make sure the two of you are all right and happy wherever you are. If it's here in Nashville, you know you've got a friend in me and Rose and Emmett...and your friends at work. If it's not here in Nashville you know Alice, Jasper, Esme and Carlisle will take good care of ya'll….along with your dad. Should we call him?"

Ah…my dad. He was a strong man, a man of few words but when he did speak you listened. Dad really liked James and the rest of the Cullen's but he was so worried that I'd be left alone as a result of James's job and it turns out he had reason to worry. Regardless, I know my dad would be there for me so I went to get the phone.

I dialed and the phone began to ring. I prayed he didn't answer. "Hey baby girl, how are you?" Well luck hasn't been on my side at all today, why should it start now.

I sighed and began speaking, well croaking really. "Dad"

"Jesus Bella, what happened?" I couldn't even make out any words, really no noise was coming out of my mouth. "Baby, are you there?"

I looked at Edward and realized in that moment that I wasn't going to be able to tell him. Edward reached for the phone and I passed it to him.

"Mr. Swan, this is Edward Masen, James's friend from Virginia Tech. Yes sir, a suicide bomber, sir. They will be here tomorrow so I'm going to stay with her tonight. Yes. Just a minute." Edward looked at me and whispered, "Bella, can you talk with your dad?"

I nodded.

"Daddy?" What can I say, I'm a daddy's girl and when you grow up most of your life without your mom around then you get close to your dad.

"Baby girl, I know this hurts like hell right now and it will for a while. I'm going to get there as soon as I can but you listen to me ok?" I nodded like he could see me. "It won't do anyone any good to run yourself down so you take care of yourself and that grandbaby of mine, ok?" Yes, I told my dad about the baby. He didn't really see the Cullen's too often so I knew he'd be able to keep my secret.

"Yes," I choked out. "I'll take care of everything. I'll call you tomorrow after the Cullen's get here and tell you what's going on."

"Now, can I speak with Edward again?"

I handed the phone back to Edward and heard his side of the conversation with my father.

"Yes, sir. I will. Yes, she told me—yes, sir. Ok, I'll make sure she calls you tomorrow. James's co-worker, Emmett, should have more information for us tomorrow. Goodbye." And then he hung up. "Bella, let's get you to bed, you have a long day tomorrow and you should get a good night's rest."

"Yeah, you're right. You'll be here in the morning, right?"

"Yep, I'm not going anywhere—I'm going to sleep on the couch so come get me if you need anything, " He said.

"Edward, just sleep in the guest room, it'll be more comfortable. I'll see you in the morning."

"I'll be on the couch", he replied.

_Ok_, I thought as I walked back to our room. I got ready for bed and crawled in. Just before I drifted off I felt a little fluttering in my stomach…this was the worse day of my life but feeling that flutter lead me to fall asleep with a smile on my face.

Edward

Talking to Bella's dad made it that much more real. He asked me to help his little girl, that he knew I was a docter. Asked me if I knew she was pregnant and to make sure she takes care of herself. I don't know what it is but I feel like this man had just appointed me their guardian. I was brought out of my thoughts by a loud ringing. It took me a few seconds before realizing it was the house phone. I answered in hopes that if Bella was asleep, she would keep sleeping.

"Hello", I answered in a whisper.

"Edward, it's Jasper."

"Hey, man..." I just trailed off because I really didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah….Listen, we land in Nashville at 1pm tomorrow and we're going to rent a car and then head to Bella's. It's mom, dad, me and Alice. Will you stay until we get there? I don't want Bella to be alone."

I answered immediately. "Of course, I'm going to make sure Bella has everything she needs and takes care of herself." I had to bight my tongue so I didn't mention the pregnancy to Jasper because I'm sure Bella wanted to be the one tell them. "I'll make sure she's ok until y'all get here."; Yeah, I had picked up the classic southern word. "She's asleep right now but I don't now how long that will last. She seems to be doing ok but she has had a couple of pretty big breakdowns. She called her dad a while ago and he's going to come when we need him but I think I'll mention to her to just have him stay in Seattle until we get there."

"Ok, thanks man. I think that's a good idea to have her dad wait for us, I think we'll be there in the next few days. I know this is a big loss for all of us and I appreciate everything you are doing to help us out. It'll be good to see you when we get there, even if it's under the worse possible circumstances."

"You too, Jasper. Let me know if y'all need anything once you land. Call me here at the house or the cell."

"Will do, talk to you soon."

"See ya." And with that I hung up the phone and took a deep breath.

I sat back on the couch and reached for the remote when the phone rang again I clicked the ANSWER button as fast as I could but when I put the phone to my ear I heard voices. After a few seconds I realized it was Bella's voice that I heard.

"Hello", she whisperd.

"Bella, it's Rose. Honey, Emmett told me what happened and that he came to see you today. I don't know what to say."

All I heard was Bella's cries and were soon escalating to sobs so I hung up the phone I had and walked back to her room. When I opened the door the sight broke my heart. Bella was laying on the bed, one hand was holding the phone to her ear and the other was holding her wedding photo to her chest. She was mumbling to Rose so I walked over and bent down, her eyes were red and tears were just rolling down her cheeks. She looked up at me and just handed me the phone.

I could hear Rose trying to soothe Bella.

"Hello", I said.

"Oh, I thought Bella was still there. This is her friend Rose."

"Rose, this is Edward Masen, I went to school with James. I actually think I met your husband earlier today. Emmett, right?"

"Yeah, he mentioned that you were at the hospital with them when they told Bella. I'm sure she was glad to have someone with her. How is she?" Rose asked.

Just as I was about to answer, Bella grabbed my wrist and said, "she knows about the baby, you can tell her I'm ok." I gave her a small smile. Bella was the furthest thing from ok.

I nodded and answered Rose, "She's ok. I'm making sure she eats and takes care of both herself and the baby. And that she's resting."

Rose replied, "I'm glad she told you. Someone needs to watch out for her. Bella is always taking care of everyone else so I'm glad she has someone there to take care of her. Do you think she'll mind if I come by in the morning?"

"I think she'd like that. I'm sure she'd like to have you here. Thank you. The Cullen's will be here tomorrow afternoon so I know she'll need someone around in the morning", I answered.

"Ok, 'll be there around 9am. I think Emmett will be with me to let Bella know what's going on. He said he thinks he should have more information by tonight."

"Sounds good. See you in the morning, Rose." I hung up the phone and looked at Bella.

"Rose and Emmett are going to come by in the morning. I'll be out on the couch if you need me, ok?"

She just laid there looking at me for a minute and then said, "Thank you Edward. He loved you like a brother you know. He always told me that if either of us needed anything that I could count on you to be there. He was right."

"Bella, he was the only brother I knew. I'm here for you and the baby, please come to me with anything." I looked at her one last time then stood up and made my way to the couch. As I closed my eyes memories of James went through my mind like a slide show. All the shit we did in college, the talks we had. The last thing I remembered was the look on James's face and what he said the me before he left for the deployment.

"Edward, watch over her. If something happens to me, make sure she's ok."

As I drifted off I thought to myself that I had to keep my word.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Thank you to all who have given this story a chance, it shocks the heck out of me. I know I said Sunday would be my update day but as I mentioned before, I've gotten a lot of writing done so I'm just going to keep updating every few days. If I get behind, I'll let y'all know.**

**I know this has been slow going so far and will be for another few chapters but after the funeral I'm going to start moving things along. I have the story outlined so I feel confident in where I'm taking this story.**

**Again, I did research to find out about how the Army handles a deployed soldier's death but I'm sure I'm not 100% correct in my writing so for that I apologize.**

**Hope you all have a great weekend. It's finally above 60 degrees here today and I'm running a half marathon in 2 months so it's off to the trails for me**!

Chapter 4

Bella

I could tell that it was much lighter in my room than I last recalled. Slowly I opened my eyes to the harsh sunlight and immediately turned away from it. I rolled over and hit a solid mass so again I opened my eyes. Rose was lying on the bed with me and just looking at me. When she realized I was awake she put her arm around me and that's all it took for the damn to break and the tears to start.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through but I want you to know I'm here and I'm not going anywhere", she said.

"When I first realized I was awake I thought that maybe it was all a bad dream. That I had just hung up with James and gone to bed and it was time to get up and get ready for work but it's not just a dream, is it?"

Rose shook her head and grabbed my hand and let me continue.

"God Rose, what am I going to do? I'm having a baby. I don't have a mom or any sisters to help me. I know all the technicalities from being a nurse but I don't know anything else. I'm going to be all alone; I'm going to have to do this all alone. I'm so scared", I barely got the last word out before getting choked up again.

"Bella, we are all here for you: Emmett, Edward, Me, the people you work with. You won't have to worry about anything, we are going to help you every step of the way. And don't worry about knowing how to be a mom, I really don't think anyone knows how to be a mom- it's all learn as you go. And, Emmett is going to walk you through everything and make sure you have what you need and I'll be there to hold your hand the entire way…and so will Edward and the rest of the Cullen's. If you stay here, nothing will change and if you go to Seattle, I'll be on the first plane there when you let me know that baby is here. Whatever you want."

"I don't even know where to start. Everything is crazy. When does he get back here, what do I have to do to make sure he's taken care of? I don't know what kind of funeral James wanted but he does want to be in Forks, he told me that. And then after that what happens? I'm going to have to sell the house because I can't pay the mortgage on my salary….and affording a child, child care and working. I just don't know how it is all going to work out. And when the Cullen's find out about the baby I think they are going to try to talk me into moving to Seattle or even Forks but I love it here in Nashville, I don't want to leave."

Rose immediately responded, "Bella, you don't have to go anywhere. We are all here for you. The best thing about the Army is your built in family and let me assure you, we will take care of you. If you need to, sell the house and move into an apartment near Emmett and me, it's still close to the hospital ….or move close to Edward, or any of your co-workers. Find someplace that is near your support."

I looked at Rose for a minute and felt a lone tear leak out of my eye, "Should I even be talking about this. I don't even know how to mourn. Right now it feels like everything is just so unreal, that this isn't happening to me – that it's happening to someone else. What's the right thing to do?"

"I wish I could tell you Bella but I think you are doing ok so far. The most important thing right now is to let Emmett help you and take care of that little one. When is your next appointment?"

I sighed and then answered, "November 15th, it's the 20 week sonogram so I was going to get to find out the sex of the baby. James was so excited to find out what we were having. He let it slip once that he was hoping for a little girl that he could protect." That thought brought a smile to my face, James was adamant that it was a girl and that although she'd be a tomboy, she'd be the girliest tomboy you've ever known. "Will you go with me? I don't think I can do it by myself."

Rose waited a few seconds before answering, "I want to be there with you but I'm heading back to Atlanta early for Thanksgiving to spend some time with my family. I'm sure one of the Cullen's will come spend some time with you and go. This is crazy but you could always ask Edward to go with you, I'm sure he'd do anything he could to help out….he seems like such a nice guy."

"Yeah, Alice or Esme would go but having them there would be hard. And Edward, I know him but I don't know him well enough to be half naked on an examination table, and I think I'd be a little uncomfortable with him in the room, you know."

"Well, maybe he could just drive you and wait in the lobby or something. Regardless, you'll have someone with you Bella but you have to remember to ask. From here on out it's important that you ask for the help you need. I know that goes against your nature and you are usually able to handle everything on your own but don't let the stress weigh you down."

I just lay there and thought about what Rose said. Asking for help wasn't always my strength. Who am I kidding, I never asked for help because I knew that I could get things done on my own—I guess I'm kind of a control freak that way. Rose's voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Hey, Emmett is in the den. He has some information for you and wanted to let you know what's going on. Do you feel up to talking with him?"

"Yeah." I made a move to get up and got really dizzy. Immediately I sat back down.

"Bella, do I need to get someone, Edward?. Are you ok?" Rose asked with a worried look on her face.

No, don't get anyone. I think I'm just a little dehydrated. Could you get me a glass of water? Everything is kind of fuzzy right now and I don't want to stand up and pass out."

Rose moved towards the bathroom door, "Let me just get a glass for you. Give me a minute."

Edward

I woke up to a knock on the door so after getting my bearings, I went to open the door. There stood Captain McCarty, Emmett, and blonde I had never seen before but could only assume was his wife.

"Morning, you must be Edward. I'm Rose, Emmett's wife and a friend of Bella and James. We spoke yesterday."

"Yes, yes, of course. Come inside please. Sorry, I had a rough night's sleep and your knocking woke me up. I haven't seen Bella so I guess she's still asleep." I said.

"No problem, man. We figured it'd be a rough night. It's nice to meet you officially, I'm sorry we had to meet yesterday under such uncomfortable circumstances." Emmett said to me as we walked into the house.

"Yeah. Would ya'll like some coffee? I haven't made any yet but can get a pot going."

Rose answered, "I'm going to go check on Bella, I'll be back in a few minutes." And with that she was off down the hall. Obviously she has spent a lot of time in this house.

I turned to Emmett and he gave me a slight nod as to say, "Yeah, coffee is good" so I lead us towards the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. As I was waiting for it to be done, I gave Emmett a good look. He looked worn down and sad, I'm sure James was a friend of his and this must be a big loss for him too. I soon realized that Emmett didn't do well with uncomfortable silence.

"So, how do you know James?"

"He and I were fraternity brothers at Virginia Tech. We met our freshman year and figured out we were both from the Seattle area and became friends. How about you, besides working with James were ya'll friends as well?" I asked.

Emmett nodded his head and answered, "Yeah, Rose and Bella got to be good friends so we've hung out together outside of work. He was a great guy and I'm going to miss him. He was a hell of a soldier and the men that were under him are lucky to have had him as a boss. You hate to see anyone killed in action but I've never wanted to be deployed so badly. I wish I had been over there to look out for him. I know about the baby and talked to him once about it, he was thrilled."

"I'm sure he was. Although yesterday was awful, when I asked Bella about the baby I could see a bit of light in her eyes. I'm assuming when James was home for R&R is when it happened. I bet he thought he was a stud getting her pregnant during the few days he was home. I didn't get to see him then, I was on a crazy schedule at the hospital, now that seems like a waste." I said while trailing off and thinking about the call James made to me the weekend he was home. I had just gotten off a 48-hour shift and had 24 hours off before a 36-hour shift and just couldn't do it. What a shitty friend I was and that was my last opportunity to see him. Damn.

"Yeah, it was a fast trip home. R&R always goes by faster than you think. You want to try to see everyone and fit it all the drinking you can." I let my mind wonder to what James did before he went back to Afghanistan…besides the obvious. Emmett brought me back to the real world. "So, I found out some information for Bella. Looks like James will be flown to Dover tomorrow and will then be taken to Forks if that's what he wants. He loved that Podunk town, I'm sure he wants to go home now. I'll be heading to Dover to escort him home but Bella or any family is welcome to be there to. Do you know what she wants?"

"No. I found the "Deployment 2010" file but Bella hasn't looked through it yet. From my brief glance, James has it all spelled out for her. I'm a bit more concerned about what Bella will do after the funeral. She's got a lot on her plate."

"It's a lot to handle but I wanted to be her CAO so I could stay with her and walk her through everything. I figured a familiar face would make it that much easier. Usually the CAO doesn't escort the body but I feel like it's something I can do for James."

"You're a good friend, I know this must be hard for you too. Bella is lucky to have you looking out for her." Just then I heard noise from down the hall and Emmett must've heard it too because he turned his head towards the bedrooms. I saw Rose walking out with a somber look on her face and Bella followed right behind her.

Rose spoke immediately. "Coffee ready?"

"Yep, it's all done. Bella, do you want me to make you some decaf?" I answered.

Bella stepped over to the cabinets and got out four coffee mugs then she started talking. "No, I'll just have orange juice." She reached in the fridge to grab the bottle and then turned to Emmett, "So, Rose said you have some information for me?"

Emmett answered her, "Yes, James is going to be arriving at Dover tomorrow. I'll be there to meet him and then I stay with him until we take him wherever he wanted to go….I'm assuming Forks?" Bella nodded. "You can go with us, or the Cullen's can…anyone really or you can just go to Forks and we'll be there. Whatever you'd like."

Bella had tears in her eyes but was trying to be so strong. "I don't think I'll go to Dover but I would think that Carlisle and Jasper may want to go with you. They'll be here this afternoon so I'll ask them then. I suspect the funeral will be this week but I just….", she stopped talking so I looked her way and again, my heart broke. She was shaking her head and looking down to the ground. Rose walked over to her and put his arm around her shoulder and whispered something to her.

I took this opportunity to speak. "Bella, why don't we talk to Carlisle and Jasper about it this afternoon, there aren't any decisions that need to be made right this minute."

Rose looked at me and nodded and then spoke to Bella, telling her that she was going to stay for a few hours and that she wanted to make sure Bella ate and took a shower. With that Bella walked back to the bedroom. I looked over at Rose and let her know I was going to head back to my place for a bit to shower and change clothes and call work to get some time off and that I was going to talk to Bella's supervisor as well. She said that was fine.

"Please let Bella know I'll be back around 2pm. The Cullen's flight lands at 1pm and they are renting a car and should be here around that time. Call me if you need anything."

Emmett turned to her and followed by saying, "I'm going to head out too, I have to head to the base and get all the paperwork and my orders for Dover. I'll be home around 5:30pm so I'll see you then, ok?"

Rose nodded. Emmett turned toward me and shook my hand. This man was a friend or James's, his wife a friend of Bella's and little did I know but he'd soon become a friend of mine. With one last shake, he and I turned toward the door and headed out.

I walked outside, looked up to the sky and took a deep breath. The next few days were not going to be ones I looked forward too.


	5. Chapter 5

AN:

Hope everyone had a nice weekend and the week has started off well. I just did my final read through of this chapter and know that it's a bit dull but it had to be done. I'm ahead on this story by 2 chapters and things are swimming around my head so I'll be getting all that down soon. I say this because you'll probably get a few updates this week. I just wrote chapter 7 with a box of tissues so just a warning.

Thank you to all who review, it's so nice of you to make the effort...and it's definitely a motivator.

Ok, on with the show...and welcoming the Cullen's to Nashville!

Chapter 5

Bella

I can't say for sure what time I woke up, what time Edward and Emmett left or what time Rose asked me what I wanted for lunch but time seemed to be flying by. My morning was spent with Rose, sitting and talking. We talked about everything: getting pregnant during James's R&R, what labor is going to be like and how I was so scared to do it alone, what I thought I was having, how I wanted to stay in Nashville if I could work it out, the Cullen's and what their personality is like. Sometimes there was just silence where we'd sit on the couch with some stupid reality show on in the background and just hold hands. Rose can come across as a total bitch to most people but once you get past the exterior she's the most loyal person you could ever have in her corner.

Before I knew it there was a knock on the door. It shocked me to look at the clock and see that it read 1:45pm. The Cullen's would be here soon and my feeling on their arrival was mixed. With it brings both joy to see them, as I truly think about them as my family, and how I will get to see their reactions when I tell them about the baby but the flip side of that is the reason we are all here and the emotions losing James will lead us to feel. I looked up to see Edward walking into the den and could feel a tear running down my cheek.

Edward looked better, clean. That thought made a little bell go off in my head that reminded me I hadn't taken a shower in over 24 hours and I really wanted one. Edward knelt down in front of me and gave me a long look.

"Bella, have you eaten today?" He asked. It seemed like he was nervous to ask and that was probably due to James tell him all about my independence and how I don't like anyone coddling me. Right now I didn't seem to mind so much.

"Yes, Rose fixed me a sandwich for lunch and I had a glass of milk. And I got a little dizzy this morning so I've been drinking water all morning." Edward's brows shot up when I mentioned the dizziness but he didn't say anything. He knew he was walking a thin line with the first question. He's going to make some girl a lucky wife- he learns quickly.

"Ok, you have to keep eating. I'm sure you feel nauseous right now and don't have much of an appetite but you have to keep yourself full, even if it's little things throughout the day. Do you have any yogurt?"

"Yes, I think there is a cup in the fridge."

"I'm going to get it. Jasper called and let me know they are on their way and should be here in about 15 minutes. Do you need me to do anything until they get here?" He asked.

"No. I'm going to run take a quick shower. I'm sure they'll get here before I'm done but I haven't showered since before work and I think I may feel a bit better."

"I'll get you some yogurt when you come out. I talked with Lauren this morning and she let me know that if you need anything, someone to go grocery shopping even, she's happy to go for you and get some stuff. Also, I know you have a doctor's appointment in a few weeks but I think you should consider calling your doctor or letting me call your doctor and let them know what's going on? Who is your doctor?"

I sighed. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea. I'm seeing doctor Pickard. I've been just twice and then have the ultrasound in 3 weeks. Do you mind calling and just telling them what's going on. Do you think she's going to want me to come in before my appointment?"

"No, not unless you start feeling cramping, pain or start bleeding. I know you are the hold it all in type but I need you to tell someone if you start feeling badly. If it's not me, tell Alice or Mrs. Cullen, ok?"

I nodded and decided it was time to take a shower. I quickly undressed and looked down at my bump….it was just that, a little bump. Looking at it I couldn't believe there was a human in there and in 5 months there would be a baby. I immediately felt the tears running down my face so I ran to get into the shower. Once there I let it all out. I sobbed and yelled, not caring who heard me, I asked God, James, anyone why this would happen to me. What had I done? Why is James gone? Maybe they were mistaken and it was the wrong person. Someone just wearing James uniform or something. I could totally see him lending it to someone. I sighed. No, I told myself.T he Army wouldn't notify me unless they were absolutely sure. I don't know how long I was in there but by the time I got out I was exhausted. The shower hadn't helped one bit except to do it's basic function.

Edward

After Bella walked off down the hall I looked over at Rose. "How did she do this morning? How is she doing?"

Rose blew a deep breath out before answering. "I don't know how to answer that. She's ok, I think. Mostly we talked about the baby this morning, she has got a lot on her shoulders with that. She's nervous, scared and doesn't want to leave Nashville but doesn't know if she is going to be able to afford to stay. Her entire family is in Seattle and I'm sure they are going to push hard for her to come back to have that baby. She loves it here, loves her job and she has friends and a support group that would help her out. My heart just breaks for her, she was flying so high. Edward, I wish you could've seen her just this past weekend—she couldn't wait for James to get home and for him to get to be there with her. Her whole world has shattered."

All I could do was nod when Rose finished her statement. She was right on with her last statement. Everything Bella knew has been changed in an instant. I would never tell her but if she wanted to stay in Nashville, I'd help make sure that happened. I do well in my job and my dad left me some money when he died that I'd be happy to use to help her. I couldn't think of a better cause and I know my father would be happy with my use of the money. Maybe I'd mention something to Emmett in the next few days. A car horn startled me out of my thoughts.

"That must be the Cullen's, it's about time they got here." I said and then took a deep breath. I felt like in the next few minutes I'd be reliving yesterday all over again and I was trying to get ready for that.

I went to the door and opened it just in time to see Jasper leading Alice up the sidewalk and Mr. and Mrs. Cullen right behind them. The first thing I noticed was how tired Jasper looked and the dark circles under his eyes. I'm sure he's been the shoulder everyone is leaning on in Seattle. I feel like I could relate to Jasper, being the oldest brother, or in my case an only child, had its advantages but it definitely had its drawbacks as well. This is a time where the drawbacks become clear.

I spoke first. "Hey man, glad ya'll made it safe and sound. Let me get your bags."

"Thanks, it's been a long trip. Grab mom and dad's bags, I've got ours. How's Bella?"

"She's…..functioning. Sometimes she acts a so strong and then other time she just falls apart which is to be expected. She wanted to take a shower before ya'll arrive so that's where she is. How are ya'll?"

"What can I say? Not good. Dad and I talked it over and we are going to Dover tomorrow to meet the flight and make sure James makes it home ok. I know you are coming to Forks for the funeral so would you mind flying back with the women?"

"Sure." I moved out of the way so Jasper and Alice could come inside. She gave me a small smile and half hug as she passed by. Next were Mr. and Mrs. Cullen.

"Hello Mrs. Cullen, let me take those bags for you."

"Edward, you are such a good guy. Please, call us Esme and Carlisle. I think…" and she turned her head as her shoulders started to shake. Carlisle put his arm around her and finished the thought. "Edward, I think what she means is that after these next few days we'll all be a lot closer so no need with the formalities. James thought of you as another brother and he would want you to act as such. You are family to us and will be treated as such."

"Yes sir." I answered and he furrowed his brows. "Carlisle" I state with a small smile.

Once inside the house Rose introduced herself to the Cullen's and explained how she knew Bella and James. She showed the Cullen's to the guest rooms and asked if they'd like anything to eat or drink. Just as Jasper was about to answer we all heard a noise coming from Bella's room. If was muffled but you could make out the word "why" being said over and over again. Alice, Esme and Rose all looked at each other and immediately teared up. It was everything I could do not to take off down the hall but I reminded myself that it wasn't my place. Bella's extended family was here and they'd take care of her. I looked around and realized no one moved.

Carlisle looked at me as if to say "what do we do" and I just shrugged.

"She's kept everything pretty bottle up, maybe we should just give her a few minutes and let her get it out. If she doesn't come out, y'all can check on her. What can I get to drink for everyone, if she does come out I know Bella isn't going to want to know that we all heard her."

Alice nodded in agreement. "I think Edward's right, Bella is just letting it out and we should give her a few minutes. Edward, I'll just have some water, thanks. I'm going to head back down the hall and put my things away, I'll be right back."

I was in the kitchen fixing the drinks with Rose when we heard voices in the other room, I peeked around the corner and saw Bella and Esme hugging and both women had tears running down their face. Before I could escape undetected Esme released Bella and looked my way and gave me a nod, Bella notice her looking and moved in my direction.

"Can I have that yogurt now?"

"Sure." And I went to get it. "Here it is." I whispered the next sentence. "How are you feeling?"

Just then Rose walked up next to me.

"Exhausted, the shower didn't help as much as I thought it would. Plus now I have to tell them I'm pregnant? I don't know when is the right time."

I put my arm around her shoulder and gave her a slight hug. "Bella, I don't think there is a right time in a situation like this but I do think you should tell them sooner rather than later. Just get it off your chest. In a day full of sadness and sorrow this will be a bright spot in everyone's day. They are going to be so happy. Everyone loves babies."

Bella looked at me and then to Rose and asked, "Will you two stay while I tell them. I just need someone there that already knows. Plus, if they ask any questions and I get upset then you can help me." She said the last thing while looking directly at me

Rose and I both nodded and Bella let out the breath she'd been holding.

"Ok, I'm going to tell them." And she turned around and walked into the den. Rose and I grabbed the drinks and followed behind Bella. She and I passed out the drinks and then moved to stand in the back of the room. We observed as Carlisle gave Bella a hug because he was the only Cullen not to have greeted her yet. Alice walked up and gave her a huge hug. These two were like sisters, very close. When Alice released Bella she looked at Esme and Jasper who were sitting down and she sat across from them.

"I need to tell you all something and I don't know how you'll feel." They all looked at her like she was crazy but she kept going so she could ride the small wave of courage she had. "Um….James and I were going to tell you over Christmas but as Edward reminded me, if there were any bright spot right now then everyone would probably welcome it." She looked at Jasper, Alice, Carlisle and then to Esme, who had a sly smile on her face. "I found out about 6 weeks after James left to head back to Afghanistan that I'm pregnant." I heard a loud gasp and turned my head immediately to Alice and gave serious thought to the fact that she looked like she may faint. Esme stood and looked Bella up and down.

"When are you due, darling?" she asked.

"March. I find out what we are having on November 15th, he was so excited." She looked at Rose and me and I knew her courage was used up. Rose went to her right side and Alice went to her left. Everyone had a smile on his or her face except Jasper. Jasper gave Bella a hard look and once the room got quiet he moved to her and gave her what I can only describe as a 'big brother hug'. Afterwards we all stood there in a sea of our own thoughts but were soon brought out of our thoughts with Jasper saying, "God damn, I'm going to be a fucking Uncle. Holy shit, I always thought it'd be Alice and me first. This is the best gift he could leave us."

"Jasper, you may be 30 but you can still watch your language. Good heavens, a high school teacher should know better." Jasper was properly scolded by his mother and I noticed his cheeks a bit pink. I chuckled and received a dirty look from him. Then I mouthed "you did it to yourself." He huffed.

Esme and Carlisle embraced, as did Jasper and Alice. Bella just looked at me and held her arm out. When I was close enough she reached up to me and wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered, "he said you were usually right and when you spoke that we should listen…that you were pretty smart. He was right, I'm glad I have you on my side." Then she let go and Rose put her arm around her.

I turned around, walked outside and sat on the front step. All the emotions I had been holding back over the past 24 hours hit me all at once and I started bawling like a baby. I know men are supposed to be strong but I couldn't help it. I never cry but in this moment I thought I'd never stop. I kept running Bella's last statement over and over in my mind. She's right, I'm 100% on her side and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for her or that baby. She had just become a huge part of my life and it wasn't even a choice I could make, it just was.

I let my head drop down and I looked at the concrete. I don't know how much time passed but soon I heard the door open and then close again and felt someone sitting next to me. After a minute of not hearing anything I looked up to see Jasper. He waiting about 30 seconds before saying, "I know she won't move back to Washington, she loves it here. And, I know we can't move here, not right now anyway. How in the hell are we supposed to be what she needs when we are on the other side of the country? I don't know how we'll help her."

"Jasper, you and I both know that's one of the most independent women we've ever known in there. She's made it through months of James being gone and did a great job, she's going to be all right."

"Yeah, but I just feel like I'll be letting James down."

"No man, you won't be letting him down. Rose and her husband, Emmett, will be here for her, she's got friends at work and she's got me. Jasper, I'm telling you right now that I'll make sure she's ok and that baby is ok. She won't go without anything if I have anything to do with it."

Jasper gave me a look. We both sat and looked out onto the front yard. After about 10 minutes I made a move to stand and Jasper followed. I walked towards the front door but Jasper grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Edward, don't make a promise like that if you don't mean it. I know you are dating and your work schedule is grueling at times. I don't want to put any additional pressure on you but please don't forget she's here."

"Jasper, never going to happen man. She and that baby, they are in my life for good now. Nothing that happens: dating, work, anything... is going to change that. She's family and I protect my family. Nothing will happen to them under my watch."

Jasper walked toward the front door, opened it and disappeared inside. I followed and as we entered the house we heard all the women talking about everything baby. I stepped into the den and watched it all shake out. Alice was talking about colors and furniture, Esme was talking about clothes and Bella was nodding vigorously with a smile on her face. That look is one that will be etched in my mind over the next few days. For once she looks happy, really happy and I want to help her keep that look on her face forever. Unfortunately reality had a harsh way of slapping you in the face and that happened to us with a knock on the door and Emmett coming through. Now it was back to why we were all here.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Hello all. Just a quick note. We are getting into the harder part of this story and it'll probably be pretty sad over the next 3 chapters but after that, things get a bit more positive.

On another note, I'm actually going to recommend a movie if y'all haven't seen it yet. Restrepo is a documentary that was done by National Geographic (or the History Channel, can't remember) and was recently nominated for an Oscar. It's a great NON-POLITICAL movie about one company's mission in the Kongregal Valley of Afghanistan. I actually saw it in the theaters but know that it's being shown on the Nat Geo (or again, History) Channel and sometimes you can get it OnDemand. Anyway, if you are interested, it's a great movie.

As always, I apologize for any writing errors I may have made. And...thank you for the reviews. It's always motivating to get reviews and I really appreciate you taking the time to send them my way.

Chapter 5

Bella

Wow, telling the Cullen's about the baby had gone easier than I thought it would. Edward was right, everyone needed a little bit of sunshine during such a dark period. I believe in God and heaven, although I may not outwardly appear that way, and right now I feel like James is in a beautiful place and looking down on the scene with a smile. I couldn't help but think that one day everyone would be ok, not today and not tomorrow…heck maybe not even anytime soon but one day it would be.

I turned and saw Edward walking into the living room and immediately I snapped out of the baby haze we were all in. There was knocking at the door and I figured it was probably Emmett coming back. Edward went to answer the door.

As both men made their way towards us. Edward gave me a sad smile and then I turned my attention towards Emmett. He took in the scene before him and I could tell he was probably a bit overwhelmed by the amount of people that were in the room. I had to internally smirk a bit as I looked at the behemoth of a man looking uncomfortable in such a small place with people everywhere and he was probably even more confused why we looked a bit like an amazing weight had been lifted off our shoulders.

"Emmett, this is James's family: Jasper, his brother, and his wife and friend from my "youth", Alice; James's mother Esme and father Carlisle."

"Hello, it's nice to meet all of you. I hope your trip went smoothly. James was a good friend of mind and a good Officer, his men were lucky to have them as their leader and he will be missed. I'm so sorry for your loss."

The entire Cullen clan looked at Emmett and you could see that they each wanted to say something but Esme was the one to speak up. "Thank you, Emmett. James has mentioned you and how much you and your wife were liked by he and Bella. I'm so glad to finally meet you although it's under such terrible circumstances. And, thank you for being here for Bella, I know she is glad to have you." Esme turned my way and I nodded as I looked from her to Emmett.

"Bella, I wanted to come by because I got some more information for you regarding James's arrival. He's due to arrive at Dover, Delaware tomorrow at 4pm Eastern Time. I'm going to fly out tomorrow morning to meet the flight and any of you are more than welcome to come with me. The military will not be able to book your flight but when I had them book mine I asked them to look into it and there are plenty of flights to BWI that will arrive before 4pm." Emmett. He reminded me of Edward…someone that always thought ahead and had all the information that you would need.

I took a deep breath before answering. "Thanks, Emmett. You are so good to be helping me out like this. I've really thought a long time about it and I don't think I want to go to Dover. I think it's best if I just head straight to Forks and help with all the arrangements. I'm going to be upset enough as it is and I really don't think it'd be good for me to go to Dover and get that much more worked up." I turned to Jasper and said, "is that ok with you?"

Jasper moved to wrap his arm around me and looked down at me, "Bella, you know we are going to support you no matter what you decide. I think heading to Forks is a good idea and mom and Alice are going to go with you." He stopped then and looked at Edward. "And Edward too. Dad and I are going to Dover with Emmett and we'll meet you all in Forks."

"Ok, are you sure it's ok?" He nodded. Then I looked at Edward, "I need to call the hospital about my work schedule, and I was supposed to work tomorrow and then Friday and Saturday. Do you know who I should talk to?"

"I actually called the hospital today and talked with the head of nursing and the head of the peds department and let them know what's going on. You are on leave for as long as you need, they just need you to touch base with them by November 12th to let them know home much additional time you need. Bella, they were very understanding and there is nothing for you to worry about when it comes to work. Take care of everything else first. Uh, I'm sorry I did this without asking but I had to call in about taking my leave for the next two weeks so I just took care of yours too." He finished quickly like a child that wanted to get the story out before mom started her scolding.

"Thank you. That was really nice of you to take care of that and I appreciate it. I decided that I don't want you to call the doctor, I need to do it but I didn't get a chance to call this morning so I'll go do that when we are done here."

Alice jumped in immediately. "Is everything ok? Are you feeling alright?"

"Edward thought it'd be a good idea for to touch base with my doctor just to let her know what's going on and check in with her. I have an appointment in a few weeks but he thought it'd be a good idea to just touch base."

"Oh." Alice looked relieved and the men had saucer-sized eyes…I think we were getting into the TMI area.

I turned back to Emmett. "What else do I need to take care of?"

"Just whatever arrangements you would like to make for him in Forks. We should be in Forks by Wednesday morning and I'll call the funeral home you use to let them know to meet us at the airport. "

I nodded and looked to Esme, "Do you know which funeral home to use? I have a file we can go through in regards to the actual arrangements. I haven't looked through it yet though."

Edward cut in before Esme could respond. "Esme, I had a chance to look over the file and everything you need to know is in there. James was very specific in his wishes."

"Thank you, Edward. Bella, there is only one funeral home in Forks and Carlisle spoke to the Director before we left so he knows to expect our call." Then Esme turned to Carlisle and started talking and I began to tune everything out.

All I could think about was that this was all so surreal. Could I really be burying my husband in a few days? Am I going to wake up from this bad dream soon? I finally turned towards the movement I saw out of the corner of my eye, it was Edward. Edward, this strong man that had been like a brother to my husband and was now being a rock for me. Where would I be right now if he weren't here with me to help me out? Before I had time to run through anymore thoughts I was fully encircled by this 6'4'' man's arms and it felt so good to just have someone to hold me for once. For the first time I felt like with the help of the people in this room I'd be able to make it through this terrible moment in my life. I felt Edward's arms tighten around me and then realized my shoulders were shaking pretty violently and tears were now pouring down my face. I vowed right then that if I needed help I would ask for it—I wouldn't be able to make it through the next months if I didn't.

I took a deep breath and looked up at Edward and made an attempt to wipe all the tears from my eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Bella, never apologize for that. Never. I'm here. Alice, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, Rose and Emmett are all here and we are all going to make sure you have everything you need. Just let us know what you need and we'll take care of it."

"Thank you." He stopped me by shaking his head as if to say, "don't thank me, it's my job." "I guess I should go call the doctor and start packing."

"I'm going to head out and do the same. I need to get some things taken care of before I head out. Do you need me to make a reservation for all of us?" I looked up to his face but realized he was asking Esme.

"No, dear. Alice and I have our flight arranged. We are on the 10am tomorrow morning to Sea-Tac."

"Great, I'll try to get Bella and me on that one." Then Edward looked back at me. "I'm going to head out now. I probably won't see you tonight but I'll be here around 7:30am to pick you up unless you hear from me meaning I couldn't get on their flight. Have a good night, ok. Eat and get some rest, that baby needs it." I smiled and nodded my head.

Edward left the same time that Emmett and Rose did. I called my doctor and gave her the run down in case I needed to speak with her from Forks. Esme and Alice fixed us all dinner and we sat around my kitchen table. At first we were all silent and the mood was somber but soon Jasper started telling funny stores about he and James growing up and that got us all to laughing. I looked around at these people and realized how blessed I was to have them with me through this time. Whether subconsciously or not, I patted my hand over my belly as to say, "don't worry little one, mommy is going to make sure everything is all right." That's what I needed to focus on for right now.

Edward

I walked out with Emmett and Rose so I could give Bella some time with James's family, I'm sure they had a lot to discuss plus they needed to pack. All in all I think everyone is handling this tragedy the best that can be expected. Bella is working on really keeping herself calm, you can tell when looking at her. I'm so glad she told everyone about the pregnancy, I think that little bit of news is what everyone needed. You could tell right away that the women were thrilled. After to talking to Jasper I could tell he was shocked but equally as happy, but I'd be lying if I said he didn't scare the shit out of me. Jasper is a good guy and a lot like me, always looking out for his family. I hope after our talk that he realized that I'm serious and I'll be there to watch out for both Bella and the baby.

Before getting into my car Emmett called over to me. "Hey man, I wanted to get your number so I can give you a ring once we land in Seattle to give you the head's up. Sound good?"

"Great idea. I was actually hoping to be in touch with you once we all get to Forks. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I know the Army handles most of these things but if anything comes up that I can help with, please don't hesitate."

Emmett walked over and I gave him my number and he gave me his. After that he and Rose climbed in their car and left. Rose let me know she was going to try to get on our (hopefully) flight tomorrow morning and that she'd see me at the airport but if she didn't, then she called when we arrive in Seattle. After all that I climbed in my car, let out a deep breath and drove home.

Once I arrived home I headed straight for my computer and booked mine and Bella's flight without problem. There appeared to be a lot of available seats so I figured Rose would be on the plane with us.

Once I had our travel arrangements made, I headed to the bedroom to pack a bag that would keep me in clothes for at least a week. The last thing I packed was my black suit and as I pulled it out of my closet the reality of the situation sucker punched me. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me and I had to sit down on my bed. With my head hanging I decided that I couldn't stay here all night and just wallow in my loss so I picked up the phone to call Lauren.

"Hello?"

"Lauren, hey it's Edward."

"Edward, hi. How are you?"

"Ugh, that's actually why I called. I really want to get out of the house tonight and was wondering if you'd be interested in that dinner I skipped out on last night." As soon as I asked I was having second thoughts about going out tonight. It's not that I didn't want to see Lauren but I just don't think I'd be very good company tonight.

"Yeah, that's sounds nice. It'll be good for you to get yourself out there and have a change of scenery. Want to meet at the Bistro in half an hour?"

"That sounds great, I'll see you then."

"Ok." And with that she hung up.

Lauren was a nice girl and having dinner with her tonight would be good for me. She's someone that could just listen to me and what I had to say. I could talk to her about my memories of James and what was going on with Bella. I would love to say Lauren is it and I want to take her to Forks with me but I don't. I'm not in love with Lauren, we haven't moved past a few heated kisses following a night out and I don't see it going there but I can't say that for sure and I have fun with Lauren so for now it works.

Twenty minutes later I was pulling into a parking spot and saw Lauren walking towards the front of the restaurant so I jogged to catch up with her.

"Hey you."

"Edward, hey. It's so good to see you. How are you?" After asking Lauren leaned in to give me a strong hug and it felt good. I was a bit exhausted from taking care of everything over the last day and not used to these feelings so it was nice to just let it go for a bit.

"Let's order and get a seat." And we did just that.

Lauren and I sat quietly for a few minutes before she reached her hand and placed it on top of mine. I looked up to meet her eyes and she asked, "Edward, do you want to talk about him? I know you were close and this must be a big loss for you."

"Yeah, he was a great friend. I'm lucky to have had him on my side. You know, I can still remember that first day in Blacksburg like it was yesterday. I was this scrawny kid, a total loser, that had moved to the other side of the country for school to get a fresh start. James was so smooth and easy going, really approachable, you know? We just started talking, realized we were both from the same area of the country and became friends shortly there after. We never lost touch after graduation, when he was deployed I kept up with he and Bella and what they were doing. When I found out they were coming to Ft. Campbell I was pretty fired up. Bella is a great girl and she's the last person in the world that deserves what's happening to her. Lauren, she's pregnant. Four months."

"Wow, that's intense. I can't imagine the emotions she must be feeling. It's all so sad and exciting at the same time. She must be scared to death. How is she?"

"She's holding up the best she can. You can tell it's all a front and she's had a few breakdowns around me. I just feel awful for her because this should be the happiest time of her life but instead it's the saddest. She's so worried about the baby and what's going to happen once everything is all settled. Bella is strong by nature and I'm sure she can make it work but I think it's going to be a rough road ahead." I sat back and really thought about all that Bella was going to have to deal with over the next few months. Take away the baby, she had to deal with the house and whether or not she sells, James's benefits, going back to work. Right now it seemed like a huge mountain to climb. "You know, I met Bella at James's brother's wedding, that's actually where she and James met also. I always thought she was a wallflower type personality but after getting to know her I knew that was the furthest thing what she's really like. "

"She sounds like an amazing person. When do ya'll head to Seattle?"

"Tomorrow morning. I'll probably be gone about a week. I'll try to touch base with you while I'm there, I know it'll be nice to talk to someone that's removed from all the sadness."

She gave me a brief smile that didn't quite reach her eyes and I was trying to figure it out. "I'll be here if you need me Edward and my offer still stands, if Bella needs anything let me know. I hope that everything goes smoothly. I honestly don't really know what to say, I know it's a terrible time."

I looked at her and just nodded. We both finished our meal and I left a tip for the busser. I walked Lauren to my car and she leaned in to give me a kiss and I let her. It was nice and I welcomed the distraction. After we broke apart I opened the door for Lauren and made sure the car started and she was on her way. After watching her taillights disappear I walked over to my car, got in and started for home. I just wanted to crawl in bed and let the darkness of night swallow me up.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Hello once again. This will probably be the last update until Monday because I won't get much writing done today or this weekend.  
A quick word about this chapter. The part of this chapter that takes place on the plane really happened. My mom was on a flight from ATL to IAD and had the pilot make a similar announcement, so I didn't just make it up.

This is also the chapter that had me in tears while I was writing it but my hormones are also all out of whack so that could've added to the emotions.

As always, thank you to all who have been reading ...and those that have left reviews, I appreciate you taking the time!

Chapter 6

Bella

The one thing I realized pretty quickly was that sleep wasn't coming easily. I laid down last night feeling completely exhausted but couldn't get my mind to shut down. A million things were running…I felt like there was a hamster on a wheel up there and he just kept going and going. Mostly my thoughts were of my unborn baby and what life was going to be like for me from here on out. Rose and Emmett would always be here..and Tanya from work…and Edward. Edward has been so great to me, James was so lucky to have had him in his life. Fate has a funny way of working, doesn't it? Putting all these wonderful people in my life.

I rolled over and saw that the clock read 4am so I just got up. Tired of just laying and thinking, I decided to take a shower and get ready to leave. Jasper and Carlisle were on a flight that leaves around the same time as ours so they were taking Alice and Esme to the airport with them. I hadn't heard from Edward so I figured he'd be here around 7:30am, as promised.

Finally I made my way to the living room to find everyone awake and looking beat. No one said anything as I made my way to the kitchen, I needed to eat so I didn't get sick so I made some toast and had a glass of orange juice …and filled up my water bottle, no more dehydration.

In the living room Jasper and Carlisle were on one side and I could hear them talking about their travel plans. Alice and Esme were on the couch and both moved so I had room to sit in the middle.

"How did you sleep Bella?" Alice asked.

"Not too well. I think my biggest problem is going to be sleeping, when I lay down my mind just won't shut off."

Esme was the one to respond. "You know Bella, Carlisle mentioned to me that he could prescribe something for you to help out. Would you like that?"

"Maybe. I'm going to give myself a couple more days and see how it goes. Do you know what our schedule is going to be when we get to Seattle? I know we need to drive to Forks and get everything planned…and I want to see my dad soon. I called him last night and told him we would be coming home today. I think I'll stay with him if that's ok with y'all. I'm sorry if it's a problem but right now I just want my dad."

"We understand, dear. We'll get to Seattle around 11am their time and head straight to Forks. The car is at the airport so we'll just get on the road. I figure when we arrive at Forks we might as well go straight to the funeral home. I wanted to talk to you about the funeral. It's Wednesday now, do you think Saturday would be good for the visitation and then the funeral Sunday afternoon?"

I nodded in agreement. "Yes, I think that'd be nice. I looked over the files last night and know that James wanted a military funeral so we need to tell them that. And that he wanted "Amazing Grace" played on the bagpipes at his graveside but that's all he really wanted. I know a lot of times people get up and speak but James was low-key and I think we should just do a standard funeral."

Esme and Alice both agreed with me and the conversation came to an end. We were all jerked out of our fog by a knock on the door. Jasper made a move to answer and I looked over at the clock realizing it was 7:30am. What kind of doctor is that punctual and why can't they be when you have an appointment? Maybe I should ask Edward and see if there is some big secret about keeping patients waiting.

Jasper led Edward into the living room. "Morning. Everyone ready? Where are your bags Bella?"

"In my room, there is just a roller and a duffle. I have my purse. I'm ready." I looked at Alice and Esme; they stood up and made their way to the other two men.

"We loaded all our bags in the car this morning so we are ready too. We'll ride with Jasper and Carlisle and just meet y'all at the gate, I think that's easier." Alice said and I agreed.

"Ok, got your bags. I'll meet you at the car." And Edward headed out the front door. I was the last one out and turned around. I took in the scene: all the pictures, the sonogram photo on the fridge, James's favorite napping blanket. Nothing had changed and yet everything had changed. When I came home it'd be on my own and that would be that. A whole new life.

Edward opened the door for me, made sure I was in and then closed it and made his way to the driver's side. We pulled out of the driveway and I gave the house one last look. No matter what kind of benefits the Army had, I'd never be able to afford this house on my own. I guess it's what most people would call a "starter home" but it was ours and now I can't even hang onto it.

I sighed and turned my head to look at Edward. "Did you have a nice night?"

"I did. I took Lauren to dinner and just chatted. Honestly, it was nice to talk to her. As before, she wanted me to tell you that if you need anything she'd be happy to help. She's a nice girl."

I smiled. "Yes, she is. Can you believe you met her in a bar? You're lucky, most of the time bar girls are just skanks. I'm sure if she'd been a skank James would've given you a hard time. Heck, he already gave you a hard time, didn't he?"

Edward chuckled and gave me a quick glance. "Yes, he did. You know he couldn't let something like that go." Edward let out another chuckle and then his face turned serious. "Did you and the Cullen's talk at all about the funeral?"

"Yes. We are going to have visitation on Saturday and the service Sunday afternoon. It'll be a short church service and then graveside. James wanted a military honors and "Amazing Grace" played on the bagpipes."

Edward nodded.

The rest of the ride to the airport was in silence. We checked in, Edward checked his bags (what is it with guys being the ones that over-pack) and went through security. As we reached the gate I saw Rose and headed over to her. Immediately she gave me a big hug and we just stood there holding each other and crying. I'm sure the people at our gate were wondering what was going on. Alice walked over and joined in our crying and hugging. I think she and Rose are going to be great friends, so much in common. Maybe I could send them on their way in Nashville sometime to buy me some maternity clothes...that way I wouldn't have to go.

They called for us to begin boarding and I looked down at the ticket and noticed it was a First Class ticket. I gasped. "Edward, did you buy us First Class tickets?"

"I did. I know this is going to be a long flight and long trip in general and I wanted you to be as comfortable as possible."

"I'll pay you back."

"No, you won't. James would've wanted you to be taken care of and I'm going to make sure that happens. Don't worry, you can make me one of those famous lasagna meals that James has always raved about…we'll call it even."

I gave him a glare but from the smile I got back I knew that he realized I was just messing with him.

We made our way to our seats, got situated and I was soon greeted by the flight attendant asking if she could get us a drink. I asked for water and some crackers.

"Ma'am, do you get air sick?" She asked.

"No, I'm pregnant and haven't flown yet. I just want to make sure that if I get an upset stomach I have something to settle it."

The flight attendant turned to Edward. "What an exciting day for y'all. You must be the proud daddy. I can tell you are going to be a good one, sixth sense and all."

I looked at Edward who was a shade of red I don't think I've ever seen. He responded, "No ma'am. I'm just a friend of the baby's father and making sure everyone is taken care of." Edward turned to me and gave me a look of sadness. He then turned back to the flight attendant. "My best friend was just killed in Afghanistan and we are taking him home….or meeting him there I guess."

I could tell the flight attendant didn't know how to respond but she looked at me and said, "I'm sorry for your loss and thank you for your husband's service and yours. I'm sure being a military spouse is not easy." It was such a kind thing to say and one I didn't hear often. I could feel the tears burning my eyes and felt Edward grab my hand. "I'll get your drink and crackers. Please let me know if there is anything else you need."

I just nodded because if I had attempted to speak, I'm sure nothing would've come out.

Edward thanked her and sat back.

The pilot announced that we were ready for take off, the flight attendant who's name I now know was Kathryn, came to pick up our glasses and I laid my head back in preparation. I must've dozed and was woken up by the pilot's voice.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for choosing Delta today. We are on time and scheduled to land in Seattle at 11:02am local time and should make that just fine. The skies are clear and should be an easy and uneventful flight." Then silence. After about 15 seconds the pilot came back on. "I was told we have a Gold Star family on this flight that is heading home to meet a soldier that gave his life for our country. When we land I ask that you all stay in your seats and allow the family to exit the plane first. Thank you."

I looked at Edward and the tears came pouring down my face. He unbuckled my seatbelt and reached over for me, embracing me in both arms and just holding me. I let it all out as silently as I could and once I was under control I looked up at Edward and nodded. He reluctantly let go and I buckled my seatbelt back.

"That was very kind of him to acknowledge our family. I bet he's retired military." I said.

Edward was quiet the rest of the flight. We landed and pulled to the gate, the fasten seatbelt sign went off and I moved to grab my things. Edward stood up to grab the larger bags. I looked around and noticed that the other passengers were doing what the pilot asked. We made our way to the front of the plane and that's when I heard the first claps. I turned and realized that it was the couple sitting across from us that was clapping. I looked past Edward and saw the Esme, Alice and Rose moving towards the front and heard more clapping. By the time I turned and made it to the front the pilot was standing there and the entire plane was clapping.

"I'm very sorry for your loss ma'am. Your husband was a brave man and I sincerely appreciate his efforts to keep us free and safe. I'll be thinking of you and your family."

I couldn't speak as I was close to losing it but Edward spoke for us. "Thank you, I know everyone appreciates your gratitude. " I started to walk off the plane and could hear the steps behind me so I knew Edward was there. He put his arm around my shoulder and we made our way to the arriving gate.

No one spoke as we made our way to the exit. I heard Edward murmur something to Esme and Alice and the next thing I knew Rose, Edward and I were heading toward the rental car line. He looked at Rose and me. "I'm going to get us a car. Why don't you two sit on that bench with our bags so we don't have to carry them with us in line. Ok?"

Rose answered. "No problem, Edward. We'll be right over there." And she pointed to the bench. I was back in the fog that I had been in when leaving the hospital with Edward. I followed Rose, sat down and grabbed her hand. All I could do was look at her and say, "Why did this happen to me?"

Her response was to hug me just like Edward had. Her frame wasn't as big as Edward's so I didn't feel as secure but again it was nice to just have someone holding me.

Edward

I looked at Bella and Rose huddled on the bench and then made my way to the rental car line. I've never cried in public before but it was everything I could do to hold it together while the pilot spoke about Bella and the family and then again when we were exiting the plane. I can't imagine what it was like for soldiers coming back from Vietnam with no support. The support these absolute strangers showed to Bella and the Cullen's was overwhelming. I'm so glad we have come so far in regards to supporting our troops.

The rental car line moved slowly but after 30 minutes I had a reserved a nice-sized car, the keys and we headed out to the parking deck to retrieve it. Once we were all settled in we headed to the interstate and the road that led to Forks.

"Bella, where do you want me to take you when we arrive?"

"I'm meeting Esme and Alice at the funeral home. Can you take me there and then I'll get them to take me to my dad's house. Actually, I think I'll just have him come pick me up. Can I use your cell phone?"

"Sure." I handed the cell over to Bella and listened as she called her dad. I knew a little bit about Bella's family—enough to know that her mother had died when she was young and she was everything to her father and vice versa. James always said that the term "Daddy's little girl" never rang truer than with Bella and her father but that Charles Swan was a great guy. Strong…and she was going to need that over the next few days.

Bella hung up the phone and turned to Rose. "Do you want to stay with me?"

"No, Emmett got us a hotel at the Forks Lodge? I think it was the only one in the area."

I laughed because it was so true. Although I was from Seattle, I had been to Forks with James and have to agree with Bella, it's a sleepy little town that Nashville puts to shame. "Rose, I'm staying there too so I'll take you once we drop Bella off." I looked into the rearview mirror and saw her nodding.

The rest of the drive was made in silence. We stopped at Wendy's to get Bella some food and then made it to the funeral home. I pulled up and got out of the car to get her bags. She made her way to the back of the car and just stood there. Once the bags were out I looked at her and said, "Please call me if you need anything. Or, if you start feeling bad even if it's just something minor, don't ignore your body."

Bella nodded. She made a movement towards the front doors and then stopped abruptly. She turned towards me and I saw tears in her eyes. "Edward, you are the best thing that happened to us the past couple of days. You were my lifeline and I can't thank you enough."

"Bella, there is no thanks. You or James would've done the same for me. And this isn't the end; I'll be there for you when we are back in Nashville. We aren't strangers, remember that. I'm your friend and I'm going to do my best to make sure nothing happens to y'all."

She gave me a sad smile and moved to give me a hug. Once she had her arms around me I let out a breath I had been holding and wrapped my arms around her. She seemed so frail at this moment. I could feel that she had a hold on the back of my shirt so I just stood there until she was ready to let go. After about a minute she did.

"I'll check in with you tomorrow but if you are busy, I understand. I'll definitely see you on Saturday, ok?"

"Ok." She answered quietly and then made her way inside.

I got back into the car, Rose was in the front seat now, and started toward our hotel- if it could even be called that.

"You are good to her, she's lucky to have you."

I looked at Rose. "No, I'm lucky to have her…and to have had James. I owe James a lot, he helped me come out of my social moron shell and learn how to really enjoy things. I'm just doing what anyone in my position would."

Rose gave me a long look and smiled. "You're going to be a sucker for that baby and if it's a girl, she's going to have you wrapped around her finger."

I grinned. "You are probably right. I love babies, they are so innocent and are a blank slate, just ready to soak up life. Bella is going to be a great mom but she'll need help and I'm just hoping she'll ask me for it." I then looked over at Rose. "You make sure she asks me to help out, ok?"

"Sure, Edward. All right Jeeves, on with the drive to our resort—I cannot wait to see this place. And keep in mind I'm from Georgia and we have some pretty Podunk towns there."

"Ha, you haven't seen anything my dear. Emmett is going to have a field day with this one." And off we went.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Hello all, I hope you all have had a great weekend. I've had a lot of extra time to write this weekend as the winter crud is making it's way around my house and I have somehow managed to evade it. So, this week you should get 3 updates...maybe one more if I can get some more writing done tonight.

I haven't gotten a chance to reply to all chapter 7's reviews but will do that as soon as I post this. I have a lot of readers (according to all the fan fic stats) and I want to thank everyone who has given this story a chance. To all my reviewers, you have no idea how motivating it is to receive an email alerting me to a review so thank you for that!

Hope you all have a good week

Chapter 8

Bella

Who knew making funeral arrangements would wear me out as much as it did? I couldn't believe how many questions they asked and how many different options there were…for everything. When it came down to it we decided that James liked simple so that's what we did. From the casket to the service, everything would be simple. Once we got to the graveside it would be a little different as there would be members of the military present for the 21-gun solute and to present the flag to me that will be draped over the coffin. The hardest part was when they told me that due to his injuries it would be a closed casket. I guess the good news is that the last memory I'll have of James was one where he was alive and full of life but it didn't make me feel any better at this moment. No, right now I wanted my chance to touch him one last time, caress his cheek and tell him how much I love him and how I would take care of his baby the best I could. Again, some would say I'm lucky that my last memories of his face are positive ones.

After all the arrangements were made I called my dad to come pick me up and that's how I ended up sitting on a bench in front of the funeral home having sent Esme and Alice on their way because I just wanted a few minutes alone. I had just taken my seat and took a deep breath when I saw my dad's pickup coming into the parking lot. He pulled to a stop in front of the bench, got out and came to sit next to me.

"Hi daddy."

"Baby girl, how are you?"

I looked up at my dad, usually so strong and tough. What I saw on his face broke my heart: sadness, regret and a hint of anger. This was my dad's worst-case scenario for me and it's just come true. I immediately teared up.

"I'm ok. I'm trying to handle everything and still force something down my throat so I'm staying full but it's hard. I have no appetite for anything but know that I have to keep eating for the baby or I'll get sick and the baby won't get the nutrients it needs." Then I started crying hard and leaned into my father. "It's just so hard, daddy. I never thought this would happen to me and I don't know what the right thing is. I'm caught in a tug-of-war of emotions and can't get a grip on any of them."

"Oh, Bella. You are doing everything right, I promise. There is no wrong way to handle things right now. Well, there is because you are pregnant but you're a smart girl and will take care of yourself. I know it's going to be a tough road for you but God doesn't let things like this happen unless he knows you can handle it. You are strong and so it that baby and I know you two are going to be just fine."

"Yeah. Jasper called Alice while we were meeting with the Director and said they are leaving Dover at 8am so should be here by 10am our time. He didn't say much else or if he did, Alice didn't tell me. I just hope they don't have any problems getting here. The visitation is Saturday evening and the funeral is Sunday at 2pm."

I looked up at my dad and he nodded. We sat there for a few more minutes and then dad stood up so I followed his lead and moved towards the truck. The ride back to the house was uneventful and we didn't say much, just small talk. When we arrived home I took my bags upstairs and just laid on the bed. Dad came up about 45 minutes later with a sandwich and carrots so I ate it and then just put my head back down on the pillow. Slowly I drifted to sleep and watched as my wedding flashed through my mind. We had said our vows, kissed and been pronounced. The next scene was us dancing our first dance to Elvis:

"_Bella, I know that me being in the Army is going to be tough for you and not a day will go by where I don't appreciate all that you do for me. Sticking by me through deployments, moves, all of it. I know the sacrifice you are making and I truly appreciate it. I'm so lucky and all my friends know it."_

_James and I twirled around the dance floor like two professionals. At the end of the song he stopped and looked at me a long time. Slowly he smiled and said, "and you're really going to hate me when the babies come, I was a hellion."_

I woke up suddenly, not really sure if the dream woke me up or something else but regardless I decided it was time to head downstairs. I quietly made my way downstairs and dad was sitting in his favorite recliner watching Sportscenter. He looked over at me as soon as he heard me. "He Bella girl, come sit with me."

I made my way to the sofa and lay down.

"Did you get a nap."?

"Yeah, it was nice to get some sleep. Thank you."

"That's what dad's are for. I never heard your cell phone but you may want to check it."

"I will."

We both stayed downstairs for a couple of hours and then decided to turn in. After going to the bathroom for the 100th time I went into my room and headed straight for the bed only to stop at the dresser and grab my phone. I didn't have any messages and didn't really feel like talking anyway. Sleep evaded me for a few hours but around midnight I finally fell asleep.

Friday passed with no big news other than Edward stopping by to check on me and Alice calling to let me know that Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle had made it back to Forks. She didn't mention anything else and I didn't ask.

Saturday came and the day flew by until it was time to head to the funeral home. I arrived at 4pm to spend some time with James. I wanted him to know that I don't fault him for saving his men, that he means everything to me and for as long as I live, I will love him. I sat talking to his casket until about 4:45p when Edward walked in.

"Bella?"

"Yes." I said, not turning around.

"Can I come in?"

I nodded in response.

"The Cullen's are all outside and people will start coming soon. Would you like a few more minutes?"

"No, I'm ready. I'll speak to him again before I leave."

Over the next three hours I met what seemed like the entire town of Forks, some from Seattle and a few members or the military that I didn't know but had come from Ft. Campbell. People I'd heard James talk about, friends of the Cullen's, friends of my father's, some familiar face and some foreign ones. Either Edward, Emmett or Rose stood with me the entire time so I wouldn't be alone. I did meet Edward's mother, she had driven from Seattle to be here and was a wonderfully kind woman. The Cullen's and my father knew so many of these people and they made their way around the room to greet everyone and thank them for coming. You would think since I grew up here that I would know these people but I was 5 years younger than James and my only real friend was Alice. I was a loner in high school and really kept to myself.

At 8:15pm the last person finally filed out. I had a brief conversation with the Cullen's and let them know that I'd be at their house at 1pm tomorrow so we could all ride to the funeral home together. I said one final goodnight to the Funeral Home Director and thanked him for everything. Then I said a few final words to James and made my way outside. As I was leaving I turned my head towards the casket one final time and noticed Edward sitting in a chair right in front of the casket. I knew he wanted to be alone and I didn't mind leaving before him.

Edward

I sat in the chair for 10 minutes before I said a word. All I could do was look at this beautiful casket that held my best friend, the brother I never had. At this moment there were so many things I wanted to say but it was all a jumbled up mess in my head. Finally I took a deep breath and began speaking.

"You know, I never knew what it was like to have a brother. This sounds so gay but meeting you was the best thing that could happen to me when I got to college. I know I've told you before but I was such a nerd in high school but you really showed me how to come out of my shell and have fun. Thank you."

I sat there thinking about parties we went to, classes we had together…well, the class we had together. James's dumbass thought we should take swimming so we could spend 50 minutes three times a week with girls in bathing suits. Needless to say other guys must've had the same idea because the class was all dudes and 2 chicks and to really put a bummer on the situation, the girls were continuing education students so they were out of our acceptable age range. So for the next 4 months we hung out with dudes in bathing suits while pretending we didn't know how to swim…and I think I actually made a B in that class.

"James, I can't believe you're gone. Man, if I had thought this is what would happen on this deployment I would've grabbed those beers with you over your R&R. I'm sorry. I hope you can hear me because I want you to know that I will make sure Bella and that baby are taken care of. I think Bella is going to stay in Nashville and I'll loan her money if that's what she needs to make sure she's ok, I swear." I stopped and took a deep breath. "You know, I was a jealous son of a bitch when you asked her out but you were a smooth mother fucker and jumped right on it. Now I'm just jealous of what y'all had…even if it was for just a few years you two had what people dream of. I hope I find it one day and you can look down at me and probably make some smartass remark. Anyway, we have a long day tomorrow so I'm going to get out of here. See you tomorrow."

I got up and walked out of the room where everything was setup. As I was walking out the door I saw Carlisle's car pull up. I'd seen him talking to the Director before and as I saw him get out with a duffle bag I realized he was probably there to stay with James until tomorrow. I know all the Cullen's are heartbroken but I just cannot imagine what it must be like to lose a son in such a way. I just looked over at him and nodded, no words needed to be exchanged. I got in the car and headed home.

Sunday I woke up feeling like I had a 200-pound weight on my chest. I went through the day in a daze and somehow made it with my mom to the funeral home at 1:45pm. I walked in and noticed Bella in a lovely black dress and Rose by her side. Emmett was nowhere to be seen so I figured he was with the soldiers that were here to perform military honors at the burial. I didn't walk up to Bella, didn't say anything to Jasper or Carlisle. Mom and I found a seat and sat there, waiting.

The funeral was short and sweet, just as Bella told me it would be. We then got into our vehicles and caravanned to the gravesite. On the way my mother finally spoke.

"You know Edward, I know he was a good friend to you and you'll miss him. Remember that it's ok to mourn, you don't have to be so strong, it's ok to breakdown."

I looked over at my mom and nodded. "I know it is mom. I think I had my breakdown back in Nashville and now I just want to help Bella and the rest of the family. She's pregnant, you know."

"Yeah, I could tell she had a little bump at her stomach. She seems like a very nice girl, it's a terrible loss she's having to deal with and her pregnancy only adds to her heartache, I'm sure."

"Yeah."

"Edward I know you, and I know you are going to take her in like she's family but please don't lose yourself in the process." I gave her an incredulous look. "Don't look at me like that, I want you to help her, heck I want to help her, but you need live your life too. Be a friend to her, make sure she's ok but don't give up your life just to be a helper in hers."

I sighed and nodded, mom had a good point. "I won't. I'm dating Lauren and working and I'll just be there when she needs me." That wasn't a complete lie, I'd be there when she needed me and probably there when she didn't but I just couldn't let her go on without anyone.

Mom looked at me and I saw something in her eyes that looked like mischief but wasn't sure so I didn't say anything.

We arrived at the graveside and all took our places. "Amazing Grace" was played on the bagpipes, shots were fired, and the American flag that lay on top of James's casket was folded and presented to Bella. She had been so strong through it all but that was the straw that broke the camel's back and the damn finally broke. The minister finished up but I didn't pay any attention because all I could focus on was Bella's shaking shoulders. I knew she was doing everything possible to hold it all in. Carlisle put his arm around her and whispered something in her ear and she nodded.

After the service ended everyone filed back to their cars to head to the Cullen's house where we would all gather. I noticed Bella didn't move so I stood back and just watched her. Suddenly an older gentleman with a thick mustache was next to me and so was my mom.

"You must be Edward, I'm Charles Swan."

"It's nice to meet you Mr. Swan."

"You too Edward. Thank you for watching out for my little girl back in Nashville. She would never admit it but she needed someone with her. I'm going to head to the Cullen's, could you wait with her and then give her a ride."

"Yes, sir. Would you mind taking my mother with you?"

My mom cut in before Mr. Swan could speak. "Edward, I was going to have you take me back to the lodge so I could get my car and head back to Seattle. I have to work tomorrow." She looked at Mr. Swan. "Could you give me a ride to the lodge?"

"Sure, no problem." He then turned to me. "Edward, don't let her get too upset. Please keep an eye on her."

"Yes sir."

"Just Charlie."

I smiled. "Ok, Charlie."

I watched them walk away and then walked over to Bella. I sat next to her and we stay that way for a while. I looked at Bella once and noticed she had tears running down her cheeks so I put my arm around her and she fell into my embrace and started really sobbing hard. All I could do was run my hand over her back to comfort her….there was absolutely nothing I could've said to make things better.

I felt Bella stop shaking and a few minutes later she looked at me and said, "I'm ready. Let's go."

I nodded and stood up. With one last glance at James's casket I once again made that silent promise to him.

Bella stopped me before we got too far and turned back toward James. "You will always be in my heart and I love you so much. Please look after us, I need all the help I can get. And I'm proud of you for what you did in Afghanistan….I will miss you, so much."

I could feel the tears burning in my eyes but didn't let them fall. Instead I put my hand on the small of Bella's back and guided her to the car. About 5 feet from the car she suddenly stopped and grabbed her stomach.

"Bella? Are you ok? What's wrong?"

She stood there for a minute looking down at her stomach and then slowly met my eyes. "I just felt the baby move for the first time. It felt like butterflies in my stomach. You see if you can feel it."

"Are you sure?"

She was grinning and nodding furiously. I placed my hand on her stomach and waiting a few minutes.

"Did you feel that?"

"No. But that's not uncommon. You usually can't feel anything on the outside for a few more weeks. Wow, though."

She was smiling. "I think he's already helping me from up there, I know he wants me to be happy and I will with this little one. He or she must've know mama needed something to put a smile on her face….or maybe they were just hungry." At that moment her stomach rumbled and we both laughed.

"Come on mama, let's go feed you too. I'm sure the entire town has brought food to the Cullen's so you'll have your pick."

I opened the door for Bella and made sure she was safely buckled in. I walked around to my door but before getting in I looked up to the sky….they say when one door closes another one opens. I gave a silent thank you to God for giving this sweet widow something to smile about on such an awful day. Maybe we'd all make it through this.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Thank you to all who are sticking with this story, I appreciate it and look forward to any reviews I receive. Here is the next chapter...things will start getting a bit more positive after this one and then we get into the real story of Edward and Bella. I know the first part was sad but I appreciate your patience as I got it written the way I wanted it done.

Hope everyone is having a great week.

Chapter 9

Bella

The funeral went off without a hitch and I truly believed we laid James to rest in a way that he would've wanted. Not a lot of fan fair. James loved his family and friends, loved his country and died for what he believed in and we were all reminded of that today. No matter how long any of us had with James, we were all blessed with having him in our life.

Edward took me to the Cullen's house after the funeral where we visited with those who attended the graveside service. Emmett and Rose were there and so were a few of James's fellow soldiers, the ones that were not deployed. Everyone said how nice the funeral was, how he would've been pleased, congratulated me on the baby and so on. It was all a bit overwhelming and after about an hour, I went to the front living room to sit by myself for a while. Before long I felt the sofa dip down and looked over to find Alice next to me.

"How you doing, mama?"

How was I doing? I realized at that moment that I was completely exhausted and it was catching up with me. "I'm ok. I'm so glad this day is almost over because I'm just so tired. It's so much to deal with and think about. I think I'm kind of ready to take that next step in my life and start living it again."

"I understand and so will the rest of the family. You know that no one is going to pressure you to stay here but if you want to we'd all welcome you with open arms. You could always stay with Jasper and me until you got on your feet here."

I looked at Alice and smiled. "Alice, I don't want to come back here. I didn't like it when we were in school and I don't want to be here now. My life is in Nashville and I'm going to keep living it there. But, I did want to ask you something. I have a doctor's appointment in two and a half weeks and wanted to know if you wanted to come to Nashville and go with me? I'm finding out if it's a boy or a girl."

In fine Alice fashion she squealed. "Of course I'll come."

I smiled a genuine smile. "Good, I wanted you to be there. The appointment is on Tuesday the 15th at 10am. "

"I'll fly in the Saturday before and we'll go shopping and get some stuff for the baby. Have you thought about nursery furniture at all?"

"No. I was waiting for James and with things up in the air now and me probably needing to sell the house then I think I'll just wait a few more months and get everything settled. The economy is such a mess right now that I don't know how long it'll take me to sell the house."

"Bella if you want to stay in that house you know mom and dad will help you out."

"I know but that's not what I want. I'm sure I'll need their help with some things but I don't want them paying my mortgage or anything. I can do this, I know it."

"I know you can too. Plus, Edward is there so I don't feel like you'll be all alone. How about that guy jumping right in to be there for you?"

"I know. He's being such a great friend he's being. You know I wish I'd known him better….I mean I know him well but I feel like there is just so much I don't know and he's being so good to me. He has a girlfriend….or a girl he's seeing but anyway she's even offered to buy groceries for me and help out. Guys like him attract nice girls. I'm so happy he's around to help me."

Alice just sat back like she was thinking about something. I decided to enjoy the quiet and let my thoughts run wild. Finally after about 20 minutes I sat up. "I'm a bit hungry and just realized I haven't eaten since this morning." I moved to get up but when I went upright everything got really fuzzy and I started losing my balance. Somewhere in the back of my mind I heard Alice.

"Bella? Bella, you with me? Are you ok?" I couldn't answer. "Edward we need you, can you come in here?." Then I felt Alice guiding me to the sofa again and told me to sit down. I don't really know how much time passed but the next thing I became aware of was Edward in front of me with both his hands holding my face.

"Bella, I need you to look at me." So I did. "Have you eaten anything today?" I shook my head no. "Ok, Alice can you go get me a glass of orange juice, a glass of water and an apple or yogurt?"

I started crying, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I ate breakfast and had a glass of milk but haven't had anything else since. I didn't mean to go so long without eating but I just forgot with everything else we did today."

Edward sat next to me and again wrapped his arms around me. "Bella, it's ok. We just have to remember to get food into you a lot during the day so this doesn't happen. I think you are just dehydrated so I want you to drink some orange juice and the water. Are you having cramps or feeling uncomfortable at all?"

By the time he stopped talking Alice was back and stuck the glass of OJ right under my nose. I drank the entire glass and then started on the glass of water. A few minutes of silence passed before I spoke up. "I'm feeling better now. No cramps or anything, I just got dizzy. I won't let it happen again, I promise."

Edward looked down at me and gave me a sweet smile. "I know you won't, you just got caught up with everything going on today. Give yourself a couple of minutes and I think you'll be fine."

"I think I just want to go home to my dad's house and go to sleep."

"No problem. Let me go tell your dad you're ready and I'm sure he'll be happy to take you home. Hang tight here."

Edward left and Alice sat back down next to me. "Heavens girl, you scared me to death. No more of that."

I gave Alice and timid smile. "I promise. No more."

"So, Edward mentioned yesterday when Jasper talked to him that y'all have a return flight to Nashville on Tuesday but he didn't know if you'd go. What are you thinking?"

"I think I'll be on that flight. I love being here with dad and you and the rest of the family but the longer I'm here, the more I'm just going to stick around and think about James. I'm not going to rush right back to work but I do need to go home and get things settled. I'm sure I'll need to talk with Emmett and meet with whoever from the Army. And I need to call a realtor and get the house ready to put on the market."

"Yeah, I figured you'd be going home then."

At that moment my dad walked up with Edward. "I hear you gave them a bit of a scare, baby girl." I nodded. "Ok, let's get going and get you some food and into bed. I think it's time to rest."

We made our way to the car with Edward, Emmett, Rose and the entire Cullen clan following us close by. Everyone gave me a hug and told me they'd see me tomorrow. Edward came up to me last and whispered in my ear. "You have my cell phone number, don't be afraid to use it, even if it's something small." I nodded and got into the car.

Once on our way dad looked over at me and said, "I know today was hard Bella but now it's time to start taking care of yourself and making sure you are taking care of that baby. I don't want anything to happen to either of you."

"I know daddy."

The rest of the ride was quiet with only just the radio on in the background. Once home I ate, took a long bath and climbed into bed utterly exhausted. It was the best night's sleep I'd had in a while.

Edward

Sunday evening came to a close and I headed back to the hotel with Emmett and Rose. They were leaving the next morning so we all called it an early night and headed our separate ways.

Monday flew by with the only major event being going over to Bella's dad's house and giving her our flight information and letting her know that I'd pick her up the next day at 10am. Her dad walked me out and asked that I watch out for Bella in Nashville, specifically asking that I make sure she's being healthy as in the past she has let that go by the wayside after hard times. Of course I agreed.

Tuesday I picked Bella up at 10am and we had the rental car turned in and were at the gate by 11:30am. Bella really didn't say a whole lot but I was happy to notice that she always had something to drink in her hand. When they called for us to board we did and once the plane took off, Bella laid back and fell asleep. I read for a while and then ended up falling asleep also. Before I knew it we were landing, deplaning and heading for the car. I dropped Bella off around 8pm and made my way home, calling Lauren on the way to check in and tell her I was back. That conversation was short and sweet and I told her I'd call her tomorrow to make plans but honestly I could've cared less. I think I've realized that Lauren and I aren't going any further than just good friends and I should talk to her soon about it. Finally I crawled into bed and let sleep overtake me.

The next couple of weeks passed in a flash. I checked in with Bella every day and asked how she was doing. She had met with the Army, learned how to apply for her benefits and talked to a realtor about selling the house. She let me know she was going to put it on the market and once she had an offer then she'd look for an apartment. I was secretly hoping she'd look in my neighborhood because it was so close to the hospital and in a really good area. Plus, the closer she was the better I was able to keep an eye on her.

Bella's first day back to work was the same day I was working and we had to be there at the same time so I offered to take her. I pulled into her driveway and she ran out to the car.

"Morning." And I got a grunt in reply. "You ready for this?"

"I don't know but I know I'm ready to get back into some kind of routine. I work today, tomorrow and Friday. Then Sunday and Monday. Alice is coming in town on Saturday and is going to my appointment with me on Tuesday. Right now my goal is to just get to Tuesday. It should be an exciting day."

"I can't imagine how excited you'll be. Any more thoughts on what you are having? I think it's a girl, myself. James would've been brought to his knees by a girl so I just have a feeling that's what you are having."

Bella laughed at my statement about James. "Yeah, you're right. I don't really have a feeling either way but I have been feeling more movement. I wish it'd get a little harder so you could feel it on the outside, it's really cool."

The rest of the drive we chatted about the baby and all the moving Bella felt. Bella thought she was getting a bit bigger but I couldn't tell. In my defense, it was getting cold outside and Bella was wearing a coat. And let's be honest, I'm a guy and we are taught never to tell a woman if she is getting bigger.

I pulled into the parking lot and shut off the car. After no movement from Bella to get out of the car I looked over at her and noticed she looked a bit weary. "Bella, you know no one will blame you if you aren't ready for this."

"I know but I'm ready. I just don't want everyone to pity me or ask me how I'm doing. My good friend, Tanya, has been in touch but other than her I'm not really close to anyone here. You know?"

"Yeah."

Finally after another minute she opened the door and I did the same. We made our way to the staff entrance and with one final look my way, Bella opened the door to head inside.

"So you are only working a twelve today?" I asked.

"Yeah. I'll meet you at your car by 7:30pm, ok?"

I nodded. Before I let Bella go I leaned over and gave her a hug and whispered that I'd be on the 2nd floor all day and if she needed anything to come find me. We stood like that for a minute and let go when someone finally walked up behind us and needed to get by.

"Excuse me." The person said. I turned around to find Dr. Sutherland trying to get by.

"Oh, sorry Dr. Sutherland. This is Bella Cullen, she's a nurse on the Peds floor."

"Bella, it's so nice to meet you. Edward has mentioned you and it's nice to put a face with a name." I'm sure at that moment my ears were turning beet red. "I understand your husband was a soldier and I just want you to know how much I appreciate the sacrifice both you and he made for our country."

"Thank you. Edward, I'll see you this evening. Thanks again for the ride."

"No problem. See you tonight." I turned back toward Dr. Sutherland and we started walking towards the elevators.

"So that's Mrs. Cullen, she's a beauty Edward."

I smiled. If Bella heard the doctor saying that she'd be so embarrassed. "She is. And she's so strong, I'm proud of her. With everything else she's handling, she's almost 5 months pregnant too."

"Wow, that exciting and heartbreaking all at one." I nodded. "Well, she's lucky to have you in her life and I can tell you feel the same way. You know, it's amazing…in most cases I've seen the best things can come out of tragedy. I hope that for both you and her."

We entered the elevators and I just nodded in agreement. Silently we made it up to the second floor and once the doors open I reminded myself that it was time to start another day. Dr. Sutherland and I went our separate ways and I was off to get things rolling. I could only hope that Bella's day would start off as well as mine had.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Ok folks, here is your last update for the week. I didn't get much writing done so I may not have as many updates next week for you but should at least have two. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it was fun to write.

On another note, I want to thank all my reviewers. It appears that I have a lot of readers but only a few that leave me a review and I'm so happy to receive them, so thank you. To everyone, thanks for sticking with the story so far!

Have a nice weekend.

Chapter 10

Bella

The first week I went back to work went by pretty quickly. My first day it was nice to have Edward pick me up and walk me up to the front door. I don't know why but I felt like it was my very first day of nursing all over again, and I wanted to have someone that was there for me in case I just couldn't do it. That was Edward.

Once I got to the floor I was relieved to see Tanya was working and she didn't come running up to me, asking me how I was doing. She looked at me, gave a warm smile and said, "About time you got your ass back here, it's been insane without you." That's what I liked about the friends I had made in Nashville, they were loyal but not pushy. They knew when to back off and they knew when to step in. I was very lucky.

I got the run down of everything going on that day and looked at all the patient names and saw that Seth Clearwater was here. He apparently had a test run yesterday and they wanted him to stay over night. I couldn't think of a better patient to have on my first day back. I quickly got all my charts and made my way to Seth's room.

"Hey big guy, time to wake up."

"Bella! I thought you were never going to come see me. They said you've been off for a couple of weeks…I'm so glad you are back. I'm not here very long and I don't want to come back for a while so I'm glad I got to see you today."

"Me too. And as much as I love you, I don't want you back for any length of time. I want you home with your family and being a little boy. Hey, where's your mom, kiddo?"

"You know I'm not little. I'm getting strong….and my Uncle Jake thinks I may get to play baseball this spring if I'm feeling up to it. Which I will be. Mom went down to get coffee…she mumbled something about wishing you could bring her an IV of it."

I laughed. Seth's enthusiasm was completely contagious and I'm so glad I came to his room first. As I listened to all his chatter about baseball, I made my way around the room to check on everything and get his vitals. Everything was nice and strong and things were really looking up for Seth.

"So, where were you?" He asked.

Such an innocent boy and I couldn't fault him for asking but it was all I could do to not break down. "I had a funeral to attend in Washington so I went back there for a week or so." I couldn't bring myself to tell Seth exactly whose funeral I had been attending. Seth was so young and he'd fought like the devil to get healthy and I wanted nothing to bring him down.

"Oh. That's sad, I'm sorry. Well, now you get to see me….I'm sure I've made your day."

"You know it good looking. How's school going?"

"It's going well. You know, the girls are chasing me around. Uncle Jake is teaching me how to play the field and keep the ladies around and mom is about to beat up Uncle Jake. All in all another eventful day in the Clearwater household. How's your husband doing in Afghanistan?"

I choked up a bit as I answered. "Well, his until is still in the thick of things. They are just ready to get home." I kept my answer as truthful as I thought he needed it to be. I looked up at Seth and he just stared at me. I told him to tell his mother "hello" for me and to tell his Uncle Jake not to teach him anything bad and then let him know it was time to go see the other patients.

When I slipped out of the room I could feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes so I made my way down the hall towards the bathroom. As I rushed I briefly ran into something HUGE and then heard. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" I didn't look up and as rude as it was I kept on walking and just said, "No problem, I'm fine." As I was walking down the hall all of a sudden I heard "Uncle Jake, you just missed my favorite nurse." And with that I ducked into the bathroom.

Later that day we got Seth discharged, I handled the rest of my patients and got the night nurse briefed with the status of the patients. I grabbed my purse and headed to Edward's car to meet up with him. He had given me the code for the keypad so I could just get in if I beat him there so that's what I did. Ten minutes later I heard the door open and looked to my left.

"Hey you. How was your day?"

"Eh, what can I say? I pretty much made it through the day fine but a 6 year old was the one person that brought tears to my eyes." Edward looked furious. "Don't get worked up. He's a kid, his name is Seth. I've known him for a while and he knows about my husband being deployed, etc. and asked me how he was doing. I didn't lie but I didn't tell him he'd died. This kid has been fighting leukemia for a while and is in remission now and I just want him to be positive, you know. Oh, but he did let me know that his Uncle Jake is teaching him to be a player…what a jackass." I stopped and looked Edward dead in the eye. "Edward, if this is a boy then you have to help me teach him manners and all that." I said pointing to my stomach. "Oh yeah, and to pee standing up."

Edward cracked up and was laughing so hard he hit his head on the steering will. "Will do, but we have a while."

With that Edward started the car and headed to my house. Once there we said our goodbyes and I headed inside.

The next few days flew by….mostly because Alice arrived on Saturday morning and once she hit town things never stopped. It was shopping and eating and getting the house fixed up to put it on the market. For the first day we didn't talk about James but on Sunday we sat down and relived all the memories we had of him…and we both ended up bawling our eyes out.

I worked Monday and before I knew it, it was Tuesday and time for my appointment. Alice and I hopped in the car and headed back towards the hospital to see Dr. Pickard.

I signed in and sat down next to Alice.

"Alice, stop shaking your leg…you're making me nervous."

She stopped immediately. "I'm sorry, I'm just so excited. I've never seen an ultrasound before, what does it look like?"

I laughed. "It looks like a peanut with a huge head. I don't know what all you'll see today, only one part is really important, you know." Alice nodded and started laughing.

"Isabella Cullen"

I stood and Alice followed. The nurse took my weight and blood pressure, all fell within the normal range, and then lead us to our room. I changed into the worse outfit ever and Alice sat with that damn bouncing knee.

A knock on the door brought a halt to Alice's leg and when it cracked open Dr. Pickard and the nurse stepped in.

"Bella, how are you feeling, hon?"

"I'm doing ok. I had a couple of dizzy spells around the time I found out about James but Edward, well Dr. Masen, was with me and figured it was dehydration. Once I got something to drink I was fine."

"Good, I'm glad Edward was with you. His Name is familiar. Is he a surgeon at the hospital?"

"Yes, he is. He and James went to undergrad together so he's been around and very helpful through everything." I looked towards Alice at that point an introduced her to the doctor.

"Ok, well let's finally look at that baby. Now, you would like to know the sex, right?"

I nodded. "Absolutely." I said with a huge smile.

Dr. Pickard got out the doppler and started up the machine. After about 30 minutes of taking tons of pictures, she looked at me with a smile.

"Ok, last chance. You sure you want to know?"

Alice and I both answered, "YES!" in a loud voice.

Dr. Pickard started laughing and moved the wand around a little more. "Ok ladies, take a good look at the screen….Every baby only has two legs, I promise yours isn't the first to have three. You are having a boy."

I looked at Alice, her eyes were huge. She gave me a sweet smile and then the tears started rolling down my face, and Alice's. I couldn't speak and the tears turned to sobs. Finally I was able to look at the doctor and she also gave me a kind smile.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think I'd be this overwhelmed."

"Bella, you've been through a lot….no need to apologize. Everything looks great and is measuring right on schedule. Just keep taking care of yourself and no more dizzy spells." I nodded in agreement. "I'm going to let you get changed and give you girls some time. No rush. Whenever your are done head to the front desk and make an appointment for 4 weeks."

"I will. And thank you!"

"You're welcome, Bella. I can't wait to meet that little Cullen, I be he's going to be so handsome."

I just laughed. Dr. Pickard left, Alice and I cried some more, she called Esme and I got dressed. I made my way to the front and made the appointment for my next appointment. As Alice and I stepped out of the office I looked at her and said, "Can we make one more stop?"

"Sure, where are we going?"

"Across the street to the hospital. Edward is working today and I have to go tell him. He was really excited to find out."

Alice just laughed. "Bella, he's a great guy. Let's go tell him he's going to be an Uncle to a miniature James. You know James was a hellion as a child, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. He actually told me that at our wedding reception. Come on, let's go tell Dr. Masen."

Edward

I was just walking out of the OR and towards the on call room when I got paged. I walked to the closest phone and picked it up.

"This is Dr. Masen, I was paged."

"Oh Dr. Masen, this is Sally up at the front desk. There is a very disheveled lady up here that is asking to see you. A Ms. Cullen? Should I tell them that you are busy?"

"No, Sally. Tell her I'll be up in 15 minutes. I just got out of surgery and need to clean up."

"Ok, will do."

"Wait, Sally."

"Yes?"

I whispered the next part. "Does she look upset?"

Sally started laughing….hysterically. "Oh Dr. Masen, no she doesn't look upset. She's got a friend with her that looks like she's running late for something important but Ms. Cullen looks fine. I'll tell them you'll be right up."

"Thanks, Sally", then I hung up the phone. I hustled to the locker room and took a quick shower and then headed to the lobby area. Once I was through the door I scanned the room for Bella and saw both she and Alice on the far side of the room. I was about halfway over when she spotted me and took off in my direction. By the time she reached me she was a bit out of breath but had a huge smile on her face.

I gave her the most serious face I could muster. "Hey, you ok? You training for a marathon?"

"Shut it. Guess what?"

"What?"

"It's a BOY!"

I had no words so I sat there looking like a fool and grinned down at Bella. She jumped into my arms and gave me a huge hug.

"Remember what I said, Edward. No teaching my son how to be a player."

I laughed. "I promise, I promise. So the appointment went well?"

"Yes, great. Everything is on track, he's perfect in size and the heart beat sounds good. Dr. Pickard said I don't have to come back for 4 weeks. According to Alice now it's time to shop."

Alice piped up at that point, "Hell yes it is. Bella has nothing and there is a sea of blue stuff out there that we need to get for this little one." She pointed at Bella's stomach.

"I agree with Alice, you need to get going on all that buying. I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks, Edward. You are going to have to help me though. You dealt with James in his wild college years so you can help me deal with this little one."

"I promise."

"Ok party people it's time to get going. Bella, we have to at least get you registered."

"What, no we don't. I'll just get everything I need." Bella looked over at me and rolled her eyes.

In all seriousness Alice said to Bella, "I know you think this is all on you now that James is gone but Bella this is your first child and we are going to treat it as such. Everyone has a baby shower and you will be included in that."

"I agree with Alice, Bella. You deserve to celebrate this little one." I put my hand on her stomach and gave it a little pat. I was met with a kick back. "Holy shit, was that what I thought it was?"

Bella's eyes were huge. "You felt that?"

"Yes."

"I think you just felt his first kick. Congrats!"

"I want to feel." Alice squealed.

And all at once Bella had three hands on her stomach, including her own. We all sat around waiting for this little boy to give us another swift kick but he must've decided once was enough.

I looked into Bella's eyes and said, "Wow, you are obviously going to have your hands full with that one. Have fun."

"Ha, you promised you'd help if I asked…consider this me asking. I'm putting you on retainer."

I shook my head. "Ok, ok. I'm sorry to break this up but I have to head back. I'm so glad you came by to tell me, you totally made my day. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Ok, Alice and I are off. If you get an ER call about a girl that shopped until she dropped, that's me."

Alice was the one to roll her eyes this time. "Very funny. Don't worry Edward, I'll make sure she eats and drinks."

"Thanks, Alice. It was good seeing you."

"You too. I head back tomorrow and I don't know when we'll be back. We can't make it for Thanksgiving and Bella is coming home for Christmas. Maybe after New Years?"

"Ok, see you then." Then I turned to Bella. "Rest if you start feeling tired and no more dizzy spells. That scared the crap out of me and I don't want to see you that pale again."

Bella held up two fingers. "Scouts honor. Ok, we'll see you later."

"Bye, ladies. Be good." And with that they were off to the mall….I guess. I headed back to the Surgical Ward but was stopped by Sally at the front desk.

"So, you are going to be an Uncle?"

"Yes. Apparently to a little boy. And having known his father in college, he's going to be a wild one."

"Oh, his father must be so excited." She said.

I gave her a thoughtful look before answering. "He was. He was an Officer in the Army and was just killed while deployed to Afghanistan. But, he was so excited."

Sally gasped and all the color left her face. "Oh, that's so sad. How is that woman even coping?"

I looked back over to the area where Alice, Bella and I had been standing. I nodded, "Yes, it is sad but Bella is probably the strongest person I know and she's taking one day at a time. I think it really helps that she just started feeling the baby move." At that moment I looked at Sally and gave her a big grin. "I actually just felt him kick. He's going to be a strong little booger."

Sally grinned and me. "Edward, you are a sweetheart. I think you are just as excited about the kick as Bella probably is." I nodded in agreement. "Well, make sure to take care of that one, she's a special lady and deserves to be taken care of."

"Already on it, Sally. Ok, I have to run. Technically I'm on the clock."

"Ok, young man. Be good to that mama, I think she's going to need you more than you want to admit."

"Will do. I'm off to save some more lives. See you later, Sally." And with that I was off to finish up the last 15 hours of my shift. What a great day it's been so far.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Hello all! Thank you to everyone who is reading this story, I'm so happy you are all along for the ride.

I got a great response to the last chapter, I think we all needed some happiness...and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter also.

As always, thank you to everyone who takes the time to review!

Chapter 11

Bella

November flew by. I had good days and terrible ones, usually I bypassed bad and went straight to terrible. Alice's visit was a wonderful step outside reality for me as after we found out that I was having a boy we spent the rest of the day buying little blue stuff. Alice boxed it up and put it all in the guest room closet so it wouldn't be in the way when the house was being shown.

That was another thing November brought, the house going on the market. Putting our home on the market was bittersweet for me. I knew it was something that needed to be done but in the back of my mind I heard a little voice saying, "you are selling part of your life with James" which is completely absurd but our mind isn't always reasonable. I met with the realtor again after Alice left and the house was put on the market a week later. So far one couple has come to look at it but my realtor said not to worry because the holidays were so close that we probably wouldn't get a lot of action on it. Realtor speak is so funny to me.

Work kept going well and I finally got back into the hang of things at full speed. No more Seth sightings which was very good but from time to time I did find myself missing him because he had such a positive outlook on things and it's good to have a dose of that every now and then. My schedule hasn't been too bad but I did offer to pick up the Thanksgiving Day shift and make a little extra money. Edward was working also so if things were slow I knew I could go bother him. As we were talking he and I decided to do our own Thanksgiving since neither of our families could come in town and we couldn't leave. We decided that since Rose and Emmett were getting home early on Sunday that we'd invite them over and have a big feast on Sunday evening.

Around 4pm Sunday afternoon the doorbell rang so I made my way to the front door and to open it.

"Hey!" I said to Emmett and Rose who were each holding a casserole dish. "How was Atlanta?"

"Great, busy but great. We are so glad to be home and happy to see you. How was work?"

"It was good, quiet. Holidays are usually low key and that's nice. Plus Edward was working." Rose gave me a smile and then gave me the once over.

"Oh my God, you totally blew up while we were gone. Wow, you really look pregnant."

"I know. I feel like it happened over night. I worked Thursday and no one said anything but then when I went in yesterday everyone was all over me. And let me tell you, whether you know the person or not they just stick their hands all over my belly."

Rose and Emmett both giggled. "Yeah, that's what I hear." Rose said. "Here, let's get into the kitchen and get these casseroles warming up. When is Edward going to be here?"

"I think in about…" and I was interrupted by a knock at the door. "I think right now. I'll let him in. Emmett, go find some football on and get your testosterone going."

Emmett scoffed. "I have a sensitive side." I just rolled my eyes. "But, I don't need to be told twice. Tell Edward to head my way."

I made my way to the front door and opened it to reveal Edward's grinning face.

"Hey you. I see Rose and Emmett beat me here…sorry."

"No problem. Come on in, do you want me to take that." I looked at the platter in his arms and the 12-pack of Miller Lite he was barely hanging onto. "Edward, did you bring me beer? So kind of you, I know that will quench my thirst."

"Ha, ha. Beer for men, food for women."

"You sound like a caveman. Emmett just got through telling me how sensitive he was so why don't you grab a couple of those and take one into him. Light beer is for sissies anyway."

Edward scoffed at me but gave me a mischievous grin telling me that he knew I was kidding.

"Belly-boo, I can hear you."

"That's what I was hoping for."

I made my way to the kitchen with Edward's additions to our Thanksgiving meal and Edward headed to the den. Once I got everything onto the counter I made my way to Rose's side and started helping. We made small talk before she dropped the bomb.

"So, I need to tell you something."

I gave her a look that said, 'why are you being shady'. "Ok, what's up?"

Rose took a deep breath, turned to me and said, "I'm pregnant. It's still early so we aren't telling people but I wanted to tell you."

"Oh Rose, that's wonderful. How exciting. When are you due?"

"June 18th. We can't wait. Emmett is beside himself."

"I can only imagine. That's so wonderful. Our little ones will get to play with one another until y'all get reassigned. Oh, maybe you'll have a girl and then one day we'll really be able to be family."

"Wow, you are not afraid to jump right on that bus, are you?"

"Mother's dream to setup her child and all. You know how it is."

"I do. Well, I will." We both quietly worked for a few more minutes before Rose broke the silence. "Bella, how are you…really."

I took a deep breath before answering. "I'm ok. I have good days and terrible days. Friday was a bad one because I didn't have anyone around and all I do is sit here and think about all the 'what if's', you know. I almost picked up the phone and called Edward to come hang out with me but didn't."

"Bella, you should've called him. I know I don't know the guy well but I can tell you right now that I think he'd do just about anything for you and when that baby gets here, he's going to be putty."

I grinned at Rose because I knew she was right about the putty part. "Yeah, I should've called him but you know he's seeing Lauren and I don't want to be a burden if he has other plans. I don't know, sometimes it's nice to just be able to let the tears fall with no one around. Maybe next time I'll call him."

"Call who?" My eyes widened as I heard Edward ask that question. I didn't want him to think we were talking about him.

"You." Rose answered, big mouth. "Bella had a rough day Friday and I told her she could call you to come entertain her. I'm sure you could tell her some stories from when you were a, what did you call yourself? Oh, a social moron. Those stories always make people feel better."

Edward immediately went to the refrigerator for another beer. "No talking about the dark years, but I can tell you some stories about James if you ever want a good laugh." Edward opened it, took a sip and then suddenly looked at me. "Shit Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring down the mood."

"You didn't." And it was the truth, it was fun to hear about the times before I knew James. "It's getting much easier for me to talk about him. I want to hear all the stories I can so I can edit them and then retell them to this little one when he's older." I patted my stomach as I said the last part.

"Good. Ok, I was the beer bitch this round so gotta take my date his drink. Catch you ladies later."

Edward walked out of the room and Rose and I looked at each other and then cracked up.

"Holy shit, did you know he was so funny?"

"No, I've never really seen him like that. I can only hope that we get a little table fun tonight with those two. Bets on how many beers they'll have downed before dinner?"

"How about which one of us they'll ask to go pick up another 12-pack. Luckily there is a gas station right down the road so it'll be a quick trip." I giggled after I finished thinking of drunken Edward. Now that is something I'd love to see. With that though I turned back to the counter and continued getting all the food together. This could be one of the funniest Thanksgivings in history with those two guys.

Edward

Who knew the big oaf was so funny, this guy was a riot. I figured this Thanksgiving would be low-key and uneventful but with the addition of bear, this could be a very lively Thanksgiving. Bella wasn't drinking and now that I think about it I didn't see Rose with a drink either so I guess it was guys make an ass of themselves night.

"Here's your beer man, next time it's all you though. The kitchen is becoming a hen house and I don't want to get pecked."

"Ha, and with two hormonal pregnant girls that's exactly what would happen."

I looked at Emmett with my jaw hanging on by a thread…waiting for him to confirm what I just heard because I'm pretty sure he just told me Rose was pregnant.

"Oh…yeah. So, Rose is pregnant. She's not too far along but wanted to tell Bella so they could scream and dance and do whatever else it is that chicks do."

"Wow, man. Congrats. You must be excited." I said to him while motioning to cheers our beers.

"Yeah, we are pretty thrilled. When Rose found out Bella was having a boy she immediately started hoping for a girl so that she and Bella may actually have a chance to be related by marriage. I think she's already got the wedding planned."

"Ha. That sounds like women. Regardless, that's great and I'm happy for you. I hope Rose has an easy pregnancy and goes easy on you. And if she every has any medical questions, although I'm not an OB, I'm always willing to try to answer." I said.

"Thanks. Ok, enough of this girl talk and time for another beer." Emmett got up and I yelled, "Just bring the rest of the pack, no need to keep running." So I sat there and waiting for him to come back.

An hour later, and a few more beers, Emmett and I were yelling at the television in good old Thanksgiving fashion. Although it was Sunday we acted like it was Thursday. Before I knew it dinner was on the table and Bella came in to get us.

"Ok you two, lets get you to the table. Everyone got a drink?"

Emmett answered for me. "We are doing just fine Bella-bean. Hey, I told Eduardo our big news."

I gave Emmett a shocked look before answering, "Yes he did. Rose, congratulations, I know you must be thrilled. I hope you're feeling ok."

"Thanks, Eduardo." Cue the dirty look to Emmett. "We are pretty excited. And if it's a girl that she'll have a little boyfriend waiting on her!"

I looked over to Bella with a goofy grin on my face and she just rolled her eyes. We all took a seat at the dinner table and started to dig in. The table was quiet while everyone served up the food and it gave me time to think about the people I was sitting around the table with.

Emmett, the huge guy with an obvious heart of gold was going to be a dad. And, if he did have a girl…well, she'd probably be thirty before she was allowed to date. And Rose, who I could see could be a bit standoffish, had completely embraced me as part of Bella's family. And Bella, this girl who'd had her spirit broken by the death of her husband didn't let it keep her down. She missed him and wanted him here with her but she was obviously looking to the brighter side of things and the blessing he'd left her.

"So Bella, thought of any names yet?" I asked.

"Please, Alice kept me so busy this week that there was no time. If I wasn't shopping or having water shoved down my throat then I was in the bathroom because of the effect all the water was having on me. You got any ideas?"

This was obviously the invitation Emmett was waiting for because he answered her question. "You know, I've been doing some thinking and I think James would've loved the name Herman, don't you?"

"Emmy-bean", Bella began with a roll of her eyes. "I really don't think a name that was popular in the early 20th century is really what I'm going for. But I appreciate the thought." Then we all laughed.

The table got quiet for a moment as everyone reflected but I thought I'd lighten the mood. "So last week I was thinking of a funny story involving James from college, you want to hear? We can chalk it up to one of those stories we'll edit for little Herman there."

"Edward!" Bella yelled. "Don't start that, it'll stick."

"Hmmmm…I think it already has."

Emmett then let us know that he did want to hear the story and so did Bella and Rose. So I went on to tell them all about James's grand idea to take swimming class our freshman year in order to meet chicks and how that turned into a total debacle. By the end of the story Emmett and I had a new beer in our hands and Rose and Bella were laughing so hard that I thought they were going to wet their pants. Finally Bella took off for the bathroom.

While Bella was gone Rose decided to have a chat with me.

"Edward, you are a good guy. Thanks for making us all laugh, I think we needed it."

Because at this point I had a nice buzz going on I decided to give her the best panty-dropping smile I could and it usually worked…but not with this one.

"Don't give me that smile, it won't work on me." Rose said and Emmett cracked up, obviously Rose was a mind-reader. I'm sure I had a shocked look on my face. "You can try to be all cool and stuff but come one, once a dork you'll always have a little dork in you. Anyway, you are funny and when you drink, you are hysterical. I hope you stick around for all our sake. Emmett and I are always looking for someone to add to the group and Bella needs and wants you in her life. Don't go ditching her."

"Come on Rose, surely in the little time you've gotten to know me you know I wouldn't do that. She means the world to me and so does that little one. Someone has got to teach that boy about women and how to pee standing up." Emmett almost spit out his sip of beer with that statement.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure it's all because the little one needs to be taught how to do things by a man. Please. You and I both know you aren't into Lauren and it's just a matter of time before one of you realizes it." Then she stopped, gave me the "you better listen to my next statement look" and then continued, "You are good for her Edward, like I said before. And she needs you but I think you need her just as much. I know James was just killed and we are all still trying to get things settled but stick by that one, I think she may bring new light to your life."

All I could do was look at Rose, stunned. This girl had some balls but she was way off base here. "I don't know what you are talking about, we're friends."

"I know you are and no one is knocking that. I just want you to stick with that friendship because I think it's going to make you a very happy man." Then she turned to Emmett and said, "and you, for all that's holy why did you let this guy…"the responsible doctor".. talk you into drinking so much? Now you aren't getting any and if you start crying like normal then I'm locking you out of the room. I'm too hormonal to deal with your emotions."

Now it was my turn to spit the beer out of my mouth. I turned to look at Emmett but his face was so red that I just looked down at my plate. At that moment Bella walked back in and unknowingly saved the day, "ok, who wants desert."

Emmett and I both yelled, "I DO!"


	12. Chapter 12

AN: I'm so glad everyone enjoyed Thanksgiving and Emmett and Edward's drinking abilities (or lack there of). I was trying my best to make it funny because I think everyone needs some laughter in their lives...including Bella.

This chapter should be a popular one, I hope y'all like it.

Thank you for all the reviews last chapter, I got quite a few and it was fantastic. I think I replied to everyone but if I missed you, I apologize. And, this story was added to the Pregnant Bella and Dad-ward Community so thank you to Dolphingirl0206 for adding me.

Also, I know I've picked up some new readers so I just want to reiderate that I'm not a writer, my grammar and spelling isn't great and I don't have a Beta so if you see a mistake, I'm sorry. Please feel free to tell me and I'm happy to correct it.

Thanks and happy reading.

Chapter 12

Bella

Looking back on the months that followed James death I can only say that I really learned who my real friends were.

Rose and Emmett were there every step of the way. Emmett made sure I had all my questions answered about James's benefits and such and really stayed with me through the entire process. Without Emmett there I think I would have broken down and just thrown my hands up.

Rose was also a trooper too, even with being sick as a dog on a daily basis she called to check on me and helped me get things together and get the house on the market. There wasn't a lot to be done but we did have to 'redecorate' a bit to make the rooms 'easier on the eye and more flowing' whatever that means. Anyway, when all was said and done I got the house listed an even had an offer before I left to head to Forks for Christmas. With the market the way it was, I accepted the offer and was set to close after New Year's Eve.

Edward was great too. He kept me sane at work and was always there to provide comic relief when I needed it. I'd finally broken down the weekend after Thanksgiving when I was having a really rough day. I had been cleaning out one of the closets and came across a box of 'dating' pictures and ticket stubs and stuff and couldn't stop crying. At one point I was crying so hard that I could hardly catch my breath and that's when I decided I needed a friend. Granted, looking back that exact moment may not have been the best time to call Edward.

_I picked up the phone to dial Edward's number and then listened to it ring while still crying. When I heard the phone being picked up I held my breath so I wouldn't sob into the phone._

"_Hello?" Edward said and I was silent. A few moments later he said again, "Hello, is anyone there?"_

"_Ed….Edward." I heard his quick intake of breath._

"_Bella, what's wrong? Are you crying? Just relax sweetheart, take a deep breath." It took me a few moments but I finally was able to get control of myself._

"_Can you come over here, I'm having a rough day and I think I need someone." I asked._

"_Sure. What's going on?"_

"_I found a box of stuff from when James and I were dating and I'm just having a hard time because I started looking through it and I can't stop myself but I also can stop cry….crying." I finally let go and sobbed the last part out. _

"_Ok, give me 20 minutes and I'll be over there. But Bella, while I'm on my way over you have really got to try to take some deep breaths and get control of yourself, ok?"_

_I nodded but then remember that he couldn't actually see me. "Ok."_

_I hung up the phone after that and just laid my head down on the floor. At some point I must've dozed off because I was jostled awake when Edward picked me up to put me on the bed._

"_Edward, put me down…you'll break your back."_

"_Please, you couldn't break my back if you were nine months pregnant and soaking wet. I watched your stomach for a good five minute before picking you up. That little guy has got sports in his future, I could tell he was being very active."_

"_Yeah, just as I'm about to doze off he usually really gets going. I guess he just got upset when I was upset." Finally Edward set me down on the edge of the bed and looked at me._

"_Bella, are you feeling better?"  
_

_I nodded._

"_Ok, you know what I'm going to say. You can't be letting yourself get so upset, it's not good for either of you. Getting worked up raises your blood pressure and that's something you should be mindful of."_

"_I know, I just forgot the box was in the closet and I was cleaning it out and came across it. It just brought back a lot of memories." _

_Edward turned around and found the box on the floor and grabbed it. "Why don't we go through it together and you can tell me all about what's in here. Would that be ok?"_

"_Definitely." I answered with a smile._

_Edward and I sat on the bed for three hours while I went through everything in the box and told him about all the things James and I did. Most people would've gotten bored with listening to me ramble on about baseball games we went to, movies we saw and different things we did while in that 'honeymoon phase' I mentioned to James about Edward, but not Edward. He was a trooper and after he left I slept more soundly than I had in weeks. It was like I had purged all my sad feelings finally._

After that night I realized that Edward wasn't just there out of obligation, he was there because he was my friend and I was lucky to have him. We would try to ride to work together and meet up every few days, he especially enjoyed it when I would have Rose and Emmett over for dinner as the evenings usually ended with Edward and Emmett buzzed and Rose and me laughing at the stupid comments the guys made. Needless to say, our weekly dinners were becoming my favorite thing to look forward to but unfortunately it'd be a few weeks before we had any more of those because today I was on my way to Forks for Christmas.

To say I was looking forward to heading home for Christmas would be a lie, I was thrilled to be going home and get a little TLC from my dad and the Cullen's. And I couldn't wait to see Alice. Unfortunately, Edward wasn't going with me on this trip as his mom was coming to Nashville for Christmas. I gave Edward a hug at the airport and told him to tell Lauren I said hello although I hadn't heard him say much about her since Thanksgiving.

Christmas was a busy time for us in Forks. I was going to be there for two weeks and although I didn't have a lot of people to see, I did have an Alice that insisted that we had to go all the way to Seattle to do Christmas shopping. So we spent two nights in Seattle before Christmas to get our shopping done and then she wanted to look at nursery furniture to which I told her that I wasn't buying anything until I got the house sold. She just scoffed and told me I needed to have a positive attitude about it.

"So, when it sells where are you going to look for an apartment?"

"I don't really know but I know I'd like to be closer to the hospital. There are some great daycare facilities in the area and that would make it really easy for me when I have to work. Edward mentioned that there were some apartments available in his building and there are other buildings around there that I'd like to check out."

Alice gave me a thoughtful look. "It'd be great if you were near Edward, he could be so helpful."

"Yeah, because he's not already."

"You know what I mean. Plus, I wouldn't worry and neither would the rest of the family…or your dad."

I laughed because I knew she was right. My dad worries a ton about me and anything to set him at ease will be helpful. "Yeah, I'll look at Edward's building but I'm worried it's a little pricey for my liking."

Alice just laughed. "Yeah, well he is a surgeon and all. You know, making the big bucks." She looked at me and winked.

After our trip to Seattle the Christmas break seemed to fly by. The Cullen's had their annual Christmas Eve party and dad and I attended although I definitely reverted to being the wallflower everyone remembered I was. I guess my big belly was a good conversation starter because that's all anyone wanted to talk about. After the party I went home and had a missed call from Edward so I called him back. We talked for about 15 minutes and I told him all about my new conversation starter and he told me he was looking forward to seeing how big I'd gotten when I got home. Then he realized what he said and started stuttering and backtracking but I wasn't offended, I just laughed.

Before I knew it Christmas was over, I was packed and ready to get back to Nashville and there was a box of stuff being shipped to my house with all my new goodies….most of which were maternity clothes or baby things. I guess the "me" years are over from here on out.

Dad pulled up to the airport drop off and I slowly got out. While I'd been home for Christmas I did finally start getting a bit uncomfortable and the waddle had officially set in. So I waddled to the back of the car, got my bag and gave my father a tear-filled goodbye. As always he told me to be careful and make sure Edward watched out for me. I just smiled.

About two hours later I was settled into my seat on the plane and was ready to get back to my home and my friends. I love Alice, Jasper, Esme and Carlisle and of course I love my dad but I really missed my friends and couldn't wait to see them.

Edward

So I may have told Bella a bit of a white lie in regards to Christmas because I didn't want her to feel bad for me. My mom did come to Nashville but only for the weekend before Christmas because I had volunteered to take over some shifts in case I needed some time off down the road.

Mom and I had a great time. She let me know everything I was missing in Seattle and I let her know how "cool" I'd become here and if I had gone home when people saw me they'd still think I was a dork. Which may not be too far off but now I was able to control my dorkiness now more than before. We talked more about Bella and the baby, I told her all about Rose and Emmett and how glad I was to be getting to know them. Mom did ask me about my "love life" and I told her I wasn't seeing anyone which would be true about 48 hours from the time she asked me. I know I should've told her about Lauren and my relationship with her but honestly I couldn't because I knew it wouldn't last much longer.

I really thought long and hard about ending things with Lauren. I wasn't so much concerned with wondering if it was the right thing, I was more concerned with wondering if I was an asshole for breaking things off right before the holidays. The more I thought about it, the more I figured that one, I didn't really think Lauren would be that surprised and two, it was better to go ahead and get it done rather than leading her on even more. So, I got mom off to the airport, gave her a hug and kiss and promised to come see her and then set out to meet Lauren near her place in Brentwood.

This may make me a pussy but as I pulled up I did get a bit anxious about seeing her. Lauren was a sweet girl…not your regular "meet in a bar" type of girl and I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

I made my way into the Starbucks, ordered and got a table. A few minutes later I saw Lauren walk in. She looked great, better than great. She is a beautiful girl and I kept telling myself that the right thing to do was to end things so she could find someone that treats her the way she deserves.

"Hey, Edward," she said as she waved over at me. "I'm just going to order real fast and I'll be right there."

I nodded and looked back at my cup of coffee. I looked up just as Lauren was on her way over and I stood to pull out her chair. She shocked me by pulling me in for a hug and giving me a big smile.

"How was your visit with your mom?"

"Oh, uh…it was great. Mom is doing well. I actually think she's dating someone and I'm really happy for that. The last thing I want her to do is be lonely out there…but she won't tell me if she is dating anyone. I think she thinks it's going to upset me."

Lauren laughed. "Isn't it funny? It's almost like you are the adult and she is the child."

Lauren was right, I hadn't thought about it that way. "Ha, that's a good point. Anyway, how is your holiday going? Are you working this week?"

"No, I'm off until the 28th. I've just been busy running around and doing my Christmas shopping. I love buying gifts for others but I absolutely hate wrapping them. That's weird, right? Anyway, I haven't been up to much. Besides your mom visiting what else have you been up to?"

"Just working. Bella left for Forks about a week ago and our other friends, Emmett and Rose, went to Colorado for the holidays. I'm trying to pick up shifts at the hospital in case I need to call in some favors down the road. Plus, other people want to spend the holidays with their families and I'm young and single so I don't mind it."

Lauren sat that and gave me a knowing look. There was some awkward quietness before she spoke again.

"Edward, I'm going to help you out here because I think you are a really nice guy and you would never want to hurt anyone's feelings." I looked at her like she'd grown two heads but nodded. "I'm so glad that we met and have been out, I really have had a great time. But, I think we both know this isn't going any further than friendship and I'm ok with that. If friendship is what we'll have, then I'm happy."

At this point I'm sure my mouth dropped open, I didn't know how to respond so she kept talking.

"I know a lot has happened in your life over the past couple of months and I also know your heart belongs somewhere else, so I think right now it's best if we just chalk it up to bad timing and go on our ways. Who knows, maybe we'll bump into each other at another bar sometime." As Lauren was talking I really looked hard at her and what I saw there put me at ease. Lauren was being truly genuine in telling me that we should end things. She wasn't being hurtful or snide.

"Lauren, I don't want you to think I didn't enjoy being with you or going out, I really did. It's just that you are such a nice girl, a real catch, and I know I can't be what you deserve so I want you to have that chance and find someone that will be good to you. You've been great through all the shit I've gone through with James's death and Bella and I really appreciate it, I just know that right now a friendship is all I can give you."

"Edward, don't worry. I figured this was coming back when we met for coffee right after James died. Priorities change when tragedy strikes, we see things differently and I'll never fault you for that. I just hope you can find happiness when you so obviously deserve it. I meant what I said, if you need a friend- I'm here. And I still mean what I said about Bella, if she needs anything at all I'm happy to help."

I smiled and nodded, "thanks Lauren. And I don't want you to think I'm seeing someone else and that's why I'm ending things. Really, I just have a lot going on and don't have the time you deserve."

Laurent was quiet for a moment and then gave me a sly grin. "Edward, I believe that you believe that….but I also think you gave your heart away a while back." I looked at her and started shaking my head, she just smiled. "I don't think you know it yet but you'll figure it out. Anyway, did Bella find out what she's having?"

I'm sure my face lit up to which Lauren just laughed. "Yeah, she's having a boy. And let me tell you, James was a wild man and Bella is going to have her hands full. She told me that I have to help teach him how to pee standing up and how to be a nice guy with the ladies."

"Well, you certainly will be able to help out there with both those areas." We both laughed.

After talking for another hour and telling stories about past holidays, Lauren told me that she had to be going in order to start wrapping all those presents she bought. We hugged and both walked towards our cars. I wished Lauren a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and she responded by saying the same and for me to tell Bella Happy New Year when she returned home. I promised I would.

I got in the car and headed towards home thinking that the conversation/break-up went better than I imagined although I somehow gave her the impression that there was someone else out there which wasn't the case at all. As I pulled into my parking garage I took a quick look at the time and realized that I had enough time to give Bella a quick ring and then head to bed before I started another 36-hour shift tomorrow morning. Although it's been a sad couple of months, I felt like the New Year was going to bring a lot of happiness for everyone in my life and I was really looking forward to that.


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Hello all. I know this is a bit early but we've had a death in the family here and I'll probably be out of commission for the next few days and I told some of you there would be an update this weekend so this is it. I should have another for you early next week but I can't be 100% sure.

Just a quick thank you to all my old and lots of new readers that have given this story their time. You have no idea how good it feels to have people enjoying your work. Also, thank you for all the reviews over the past few days. I know how easy it is to skip that part so I just wanted to say thank you once again.

Ok, this is a fun chapter ...hope you enjoy. As always, if I've screwed up anywhere please let me know.

Chapter 13

Bella

I am usually exhausted by the end of a work day but throw in just getting back into town the morning before and having spent most of yesterday looking at apartments and well that equals exhaustion, crankiness and as my southern friends would say "a down right bad disposition". I guess I really shouldn't complain since I'm apartment hunting because the closing on my house is January 18th and it appears to be moving full steam ahead. The buyer's even contacted my Realtor about the possibility of closing earlier but I just couldn't do it with all that I have going on.

After looking at 3 sub-par apartment buildings around the hospital I was getting a bit depressed. All the apartments would've been fine for me if I were alone but I really had to think about what was going to be best for me and the baby. One apartment was on the first floor and I really wanted to be on an elevated floor, another hadn't been updated with appliances and such and the third one wasn't even a gated community plus I saw some people loitering in the parking lot so I didn't think too much of that. Finally after seeing those lovely apartments I broke down and called Edward and told him to meet me in the sales office of his building. I knew he wasn't working so it wouldn't be a problem.

I'm not dumb, I knew Edward wanted me to look at his building. He wasn't pushy or anything but it was little comments here or there that I knew he was saying to try to sway me. I wasn't opposed to looking at the apartments available in Edward's building but I just wanted to do something on my own and not need help but it wasn't turning out quite like I expected.

So, I met Edward at the sales office, spent 45 minutes looking at three different apartments and then another 30 minutes filling out paperwork and becoming the proud renter of an updated 2 bedroom/2 bathroom apartment on the 3rd floor with an "office space" and an indoor parking space. I got all that and a very smug looking Edward, who lived exactly 6 doors down from me. The thing about Edward is I couldn't get annoyed by him, the reality is living near someone I know well is only going to help me in the long run.

Anyway, that was yesterday and the reason that I am dragging myself to my car now that my shift is over. I called Rose on the way home to make sure all our plans were still on for tomorrow night, it's New Year's Eve after all. She let me know we were all set so I made it home, showered, and crawled into bed without even thinking about setting the alarm clock.

I was brought out of my dream by Zac Brown Band singing "Toes". At first I was totally confused but after the fog cleared I realized that it was my cell phone ringing.

"Lo?" Great Bella, you sound like a man.

"Bella, you ok?" It was Edward.

"Yeah. Sorry, I had a long day yesterday and was pretty beat when I crawled into bed last night so I didn't set an alarm clock. What time is it?"

"It's about 11am. You slept a long time." I could hear the humor in his voice. "Are you going to be ready for me to come by to get you at 1pm."

"Yes smartass, I will. Even though I'm as big as a house doesn't mean I am going to pull an Alice and take all day to get ready."

"Ok, ok. I'll be there in a couple hours."

"See you later." I hung up the phone and plopped back down on the bed. At this point I was having a hard time getting up from laying or sitting down so it took all my energy to swing my legs over and stand in order to make my way to the kitchen. Eat first or Edward would have to deal with dizzy Bella.

Today was New Year's Eve and Edward, Rose, Emmett and I decided we'd just be low-key so we are having a late lunch and then all going to see a movie tonight. I pulled the soon to be single mom card so we are going to see the newest _Twilight_ movie, "Eclipse". The only way Rose and I talked the guys into going was because we found a showing at the Draft & Cinema House and told them they could drink while Rose and I drooled.

I got everything done in record time and even dressed up a bit since I don't get to go out very much and had just taken a seat on the couch when there was a knock on the door. I groaned as I heaved myself off the couch.

"Coming." I yelled and then once I reached the door I swung it open.

"Hey." Edward always had the goofiest grin on his face when I opened the door. I knew he was just trying to put a smile on my face and usually it worked.

"Hi, you look nice." And he did in his button up shirt and black slacks. "Is this ok?"

He looked me over, had me turn around and said, "You look great, I think pregnancy agrees with you. How are you feeling?"

"Huge. Like a beached whale. You should see me trying to get out of the bed in the mornings. It ain't pretty."

"Yeah right, I'm sure you can't be that bad." With that comment I arched an eyebrow. "Ok, maybe it is that bad. If you ever get stuck, I'm sure I could run out and rent a forklift." I gasped. "Kid-ding, Bella. If you ever have a bad time of it just call, if I'm not at work I'll be here in a heartbeat since you gave me a key."

"I'll keep that in mind. I'm hungry, let me go get my purse and then I'm ready." I turned and walked back down to my bedroom to get the purse. Edward was outside on the phone when I returned but I couldn't hear what he was saying so I just started walking towards the car.

"It's all set?" I finally heard Edward ask whoever he was on the phone with. "Ok, we are leaving right now so maybe 20 minutes. Ok, great. See you soon." Then Edward turned towards me. "That was Emmett, he just wanted to make sure we were on our way. He wants to make sure we are all back in the burbs before it gets dark so we aren't on the road with any drunk drivers."

"Well, we best be on with it then."

The ride to the restaurant was surprisingly quiet. Edward was usually good about keeping conversation going but today he was acting fidgety so I thought I'd break the silence. "Hey, is Lauren upset you aren't going out with her tonight?"

"Shit, I didn't tell you. Um, Lauren and I ended things before Christmas. We decided we were really better off being friends. She's a sweet girl but I just don't see it going anywhere, you know."

"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up."

"No, no. I meant to tell you but it slipped my mind. You can tell I'm really broken up about it."

"Yeah. Sounds like you did the right thing. I'm sure it was hard."

"Actually, it wasn't at all. Once I started she kind of knew what was coming and completely agreed. It was probably the easiest breakup in history. She did tell me to tell you that her offer is still open though, if you need anything to call her."

"That's nice. She's a sweet girl." That was the end of that conversation which was perfect because we were pulling into the restaurant parking lot.

Edward looked over at me and was a bit flushed.

"Are you ok Edward?"

"Yeah, yeah. Hold on, let me walk around and help you out of the car."

"Thanks, I need a pulley or a backhoe if you can find one."

"Bella, you are being ridiculous. You are almost seven months pregnant and could still stand to put on a few pounds." That statement caused my eyes to almost pop out of my head. "Come on pretty girl, let's get you inside…they're all waiting."

"Edward, you act like there are a ton of people in there. Remember that it's just our exclusive dinner club. But, I know how you and Emmett are so unless you want me to drive your precious Volvo, no drinky drinky for you girls until movie time."

"Funny." Edward answered.

We both walked towards the door and Edward opened it for me. As I walked inside it took a minute for my eyes to adjust because although it was 33 degrees outside, it was sunny like it was the middle of summer. The hostess gave me a knowing look and smiled, to which I smiled back, and told us to follow her. I was looking around for Rose's blonde hair when I realized we were being lead into a back room. I followed the hostess's lead and was shocked when I opened the door.

"Surprise!" Everyone yelled. I immediately teared up as I saw Alice, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, Rose, Emmett, Tanya and what I assumed was her date, my dad and his friend Sue and Seth and his mom all sitting in the room.

I turned to look at Edward and his only response was, "Surprise, pretty girl…it's your baby shower." I walked over to him with tears running down my cheeks and gave him a huge hug.

"You're a blessing."

Edward

Yeah, so I had no idea how much I would struggle with keeping the shower a secret from Bella. I was doing ok until I picked her up to head to the restaurant and then I couldn't think of anything but all the people that were there waiting to celebrate with her. Thank goodness she started the conversation and talking about Lauren took up a lot of time. I honestly can't believe I'd forgotten to tell Bella about Lauren but it just slipped my mind.

Finally we arrived at the restaurant and Bella got her surprise…and to say she was shocked would be an understatement. When she gave me that big hug I knew that all the planning Rose and I had done was worth it. Rose wanted to make sure Bella was given the shower she deserved and Alice had told her they were coming down for New Year's so it worked out perfectly.

After letting Bella go she made her way around the room to greet all of the guests and thank them for coming. I think she was shocked that we had tracked Seth and his mom down and invited them…I guess being a surgeon and having connections at a hospital can be very helpful at times.

Finally Rose got everyone focused. "Ok party people, time to get started. I was told Bella is a bit hungry so let's get she and that baby fed."

Bella happily agreed and we all took our seats. As we ate we caught up on what was going on in Forks, Seattle and even how Seth was doing. It turns out that everything was going well with his sickness and he was going to be signing up for baseball in a few months. He was a huge Braves fan but had never been to a game because he'd been too ill to go in the past so that's what he's hoping to do this year. It's little known but I'm a huge baseball fan, Mariners of course, so I had a lot to talk to Seth about. I understand Bella's love for this kid, he's great.

Alice and Jasper let us know that after the end of the school year they are going to look into teaching jobs in the Nashville area so they can be closer to Bella and the baby. Carlisle and Esme looked thrilled by the idea and mentioned buying a 'vacation' home in the area. I know how lucky Bella is to have these people in her life and I would love for them to move down here.

After we all got fed we decided it was time for Bella to open her gifts. Alice and Bella had registered when Alice was here in November so this made it a bit easy for me to shop. However, those baby stores can be totally overwhelming and I may have gone a bit overboard on the gifts...plus, I've never had a baby to buy for and apparently I'm a big mush.

Bella received some things she really needed: Esme and Carlisle bought her the furniture she wanted for the nursery….a crib and a dresser that can also be used as a changing table. Alice bought her a bunch of bath supplies and all these contraptions that you apparently need to bathe a baby. Bella's dad just laughed and said they stuck Bella in the kitchen sink and we all cracked up while Bella turned three shades of red. Jasper bought Bella something called a Bumbo seat and a shirt bodysuit thing that said "On my way to Uncle Jazz's". It was cute and made Bella cry a bit.

Bella's dad and Sue got her some more clothes and a box of newborn diapers. Bella pulled one out and I was shocked at how small they were. Rose and Emmett got her the bedding she registered for and a portable crib that folded up called a pack n' play. I have to say, these baby things are amazing. Who knew you needed so much stuff.

Seth and his mom got Bella a little Braves uniform to which I scowled. They also got her a stroller that the car seat will just fit into.

Tanya got Bella some six month clothes and a shirt that said, "Mom's Major Hunk". She also got a few toys that she said would be great for tummy time.

Finally Bella came to my gift. The box she saw was rather small, what she didn't notice was the bigger box in the back of the room so I went to bring it to her. She opened the first box which I had filled with baby things that I thought she needed: socks, shoes, those t-shirt bodysuit things, pacifiers, a couple of hats and two picture frames: one that said "Daddy's Little Soldier" and another that said "My Guardian Angel". I went back and forth a lot on the picture frames but I finally bought them because I knew Bella wanted the baby to know about James and I thought she could put pictures in each of them and set them side-by-side. When Bella opened the frames she put her hand over her mouth and started crying…hard. I knew she'd get choked up but a real sob was a bit surprising. I immediately went over to her.

"Bella, I'm sorry. If you want I can return them it's no big deal."

She immediately started vigorously shaking her head. "No, absolutely not. I'm so glad that you gave me something to help me tell the baby about his daddy. It's just that I'm a hormonal mess and it's bittersweet, you know." I nodded. Finally she turned to the rest of the group and held up the gifts and they all "awwwed". Jasper looked at me and gave me a slight nod of acceptance and Rose just looked at me with that shit-eating grin on her face. I swear that girl is a bit off.

"Ok, so I have a couple of other things in this box…so, yeah…here." I moved the box over to her so she could open it. After ripping off the paper and opening the unmarked box she pulled out that baby carrier she registered for. It was one called a Britax and was red and black.

"Edward, thank you- this is so kind of you." I just smiled. What she didn't know was at my house there was an additional base for the car seat so I could drive the baby around and Rose mentioned she was going to buy one too and then just use it when her baby comes.

Bella looked in the box again and at the bottom she found my last gift. This one was wrapped and the paper on the outside said "Especially for Emmett's Use". She gave me a funny look but tore off the paper….and then she started cracking up. Finally she held up the Baby Bjorn carrier and looked right at Emmett. "Emmett, this is going to great for you, look."

Emmett shook his head. "No way. I'm not wearing that in public." Rose just leaned over and smacked him on the back of the head. "Hmphf," was his reply.

Bella got up and walked over to me. "Edward, you are too good to us, I don't know what to say."

"Nothing to say, I actually kind of had fun at the baby store once I got over the overwhelming feeling. The problem with those stores is that the first aisle you come to is the breastfeeding aisle. Once I realized what it all was I quickly turned around and walked to the next aisle. I had a blast in the stroller area, they actually let you test drive." I could hear the laughing behind me but I didn't care. "I wanted to do this for y'all, please don't be upset."

"How could I be upset? I'm not, I'm actually pretty excited now."

I gave her a huge smile. "Good, that's the point. Rose and I already talked and we are going to get the stuff to my apartment so you don't have to move it when you close on the house. Emmett is going to load it all in his truck and drive it over later tonight."

"Ok, thanks." Bella said. She then walked over to everyone else to thank them for the gifts she received.

I saw Emmett out of the corner of my eye as he was walking towards me. "Hey man, did you go a bit crazy in the baby store?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. That place is unreal. Do you know you can actually buy something that warms up the baby wipes so you don't wipe with a cold cloth. Isn't that crazy. And just think, this is all you in about 6 months."

"Ugh, don't remind me. Seriously man, you did a good thing. If I don't say it, I'm glad I've gotten to know you- you're a good guy and it's obvious you are good to Bella and will be to that baby."

I didn't really know how to respond so I just nodded. At that moment the waitress came up to me to settle our bill for the day so I gave her my credit card. Emmett went to pull the truck towards the front of the restaurant and we all headed to the front door to head home.

I was just about to walk out of the door when Esme caught my arm. "Edward, I just wanted to thank you for today, it was wonderful and we were so happy you included us."

"Of course, Esme. Bella loves your family and would've wanted you included."

"I know, son. I want you to know something, I'm so happy that Bella has you in her life. It was terrible to lose a son but it is a relief to know Bella has someone that will remember to include us in things and make sure we have a part in the baby's life. I know that whatever the future brings we'll always be in their lives."

"Esme, you will definitely always have a place in their lives. I know Bella will make sure of it."

Esme nodded and said, "I know, she's a good girl. But I also know one day she will be ready for love again and I can only hope the person she ends up with will remember to include us like you have." I didn't really respond because for some reason the thought of Bella dating again made me uncomfortable. I couldn't really pinpoint the exact feel but I knew I didn't want to talk about it. "Anyway Edward, we are glad to know you are going to be right down the hall from Bella and if she needs anything, you'll be there."

"Yes, I will."

Then Esme turned to walk out the door towards the front of the restaurant. I just stood there for a minute thinking about what Esme had just said. Would Bella really fall in love again? Of course she would, who wants to be alone for their entire lives. She's still young and has many, many years ahead of her. With that thought I let out a sigh and walked towards the front door. I guess I'll just deal with that when it happens, I mean it's not like it would be anytime soon.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: I wanted to get this chapter out because I think everyone will like it and hopefully approve. Everything that happens in this chapter was taken from real-life experiences so you can know where I got my ideas.

Thank you to everyone who continues to review...I'm so happy that so many people are giving my story a chance and telling me what they think. I know it can be easy to bypass the review step so thank you for taking the time to do that!

I'm sorry I didn't get to reply to the reviews but I'm sure y'all understand. Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers.

"Let's get on with it" they say...

Chapter 14

Bella

The weeks following the baby shower flew by. I was kept busy with packing up my house, arranging for movers and getting my stuff over to the apartment, closing on the house (which although I cried through most of it I can say it went smoothly) and getting all the baby stuff organized. To say it was an adjustment to move from a house to an apartment would be an understatement, not only did I end up selling a lot of my old furniture but also I forgot how thin the walls were. It's not like it kept me up or anything, actually I was more concerned about upset neighbors when the baby was crying, but it was just different. Edward, Rose and Emmett were great and even Alice and Jasper came in over MLK, Jr. weekend to help me setup the nursery. It took three college graduates to put together the baby furniture and I must say they provided a good four hours of entertainment.

"_Guys, I'm pretty sure that if you read the directions it should only take an hour or so to get each piece of furniture setup. Did you read them?"_

_Rose snorted and then replied, "Bella, don't say things like that, they make too much sense and these guys don't understand something that makes sense. Edward, you are a surgeon for goodness sakes and you put people back together, why can't you put this furniture together?"_

"_Rosalie" Uh oh, Edward used her real name. "There are about 500 screws and 50 holes those screws go in. The instructions come in 5 different languages and apparently we have them all but the English one. I do not want to hear another word out of you."_

"_Yeah, baby. Just give us some time, we almost got it." Rose, Alice and I looked at each other with wide eyes and then looked back to the floor and all the pieces that were still laying there."_

"_You're right, Emmett…y'all are close. One more thing before you get that crib together." They all stopped and looked at Rose. "I think you should put it together in the nursery so it's already inside the room and you don't have to squeeze it through the door." _

_Needless to say 4 hours later the crib was finally setup…..a second time. As it turns out Rose was right and the crib wouldn't fit in through the bedroom door. Rose, Alice and I just sat in the den for the duration and gave our expert advice that had obviously been ignored._

Work was going well too…and by well I mean I hadn't seen Seth in quite a while. I was so thrilled that he and his mom, Leah, came to the shower. Seth didn't mention anything but I'm sure Leah found out about James and told him. He's such a sweet kid and I really hope he gets to play baseball like he wants. I know his Uncle Jake is hoping so too because Seth must've have spent 30 minutes talking about him. He must be a good guy.

With everything thing that was going I wasn't even paying attention to the calendar and I feel like one day I woke up and was at the one month to go mark. I was off the day of my OB/GYN appointment so I slept in and just relaxed that morning. I did need to run to the post office before I had to be at the doctor's office so I finally hoisted myself up out of bed and waddled to the shower. Did I mention how huge I was? Edward told me I looked great but I didn't believe him. How can someone that can't even see their toes look good?

After the shower I slowly got dressed and headed out to start my day. The appointment went great and the doctor said everything was looking good. They gave me some paperwork to take to the hospital with me and told me that if something happens and I go into labor at this point they would not stop it. Being a nurse I knew that if I went into labor now the baby should be perfectly healthy and to be honest I couldn't imagine getting bigger than I already was.

I made my way home but stopped by Subway to get something to eat first and a diet coke, after all my doctor did say I could have one each day. Finally, I made my way to the apartment and plopped down on the sofa. I didn't even have manners enough to get a plate; I just tore open the sandwich, propped it on my huge belly and went at it. After finishing off the diet coke I decided to catch a little reality TV and watched the newest episode of Jersey Shore. I could only pray that my son did not turn out like that or end up bringing home a girl like the ones on the show.

I must've dozed off for a bit because when I blinked my eyes open I could tell it was afternoon. I realized I had about 30 seconds before I wet my pants. I made my way to the bathroom and did my business, and kept doing my business …and still kept going. Finally I felt like I had finished so I wiped and what I saw scared me to death: blood. But as soon as it registered that I was looking at blood I heard more water trickling into the toilet and then it hit me: my water had just broken. Whoever says it all gushes out is lying…this may happen to some but not most.

You ever have one of those moments where things become shockingly clear and you are uncharacteristically calm? This was mine. Finally I stood up and crammed a bunch of toilet paper in my panties and waddled to my room. Thank goodness I had packed my bag the previous weekend. I got everything set on the bed, changed clothes and then went to grab the phone. Edward was the first person I thought to call but then I started rationalizing it. Calling Rose was probably better…but she and Emmett were away for a long weekend. Tanya was working this weekend and obviously the Cullen's were not around. Back to my original thought of calling Edward, I picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello?"

"Hey Edward."

"Bella." I could hear the smile in his voice. "Hey pretty girl, what's going on? How's that baby boy?"

"Ugh…" I was having a hard time finding the words, I felt like if I said my water had broken then everything would become crazy and very real.

"Bella, are you ok. Want me to come down there?" Edward asked.

"Yes, I mean no." Deep breath, Bella. "What I mean is yes, I need you to come down here. I think I need a ride to the hospital.

I heard a loud thud and then Edward cussing in the background. Finally he asked, "What's wrong, what happened?"

"Yeah, so….I think my water just broke and I'm pretty sure I'm going into labor."

Silence.

"Edward?"

More silence.

"Edward, are _you_ ok?"

Finally he answered. "Yeah. Five minutes….give me five minutes and we'll be on our way. Sit tight for me and don't worry, everything is going to be fine. Ok, see you in five minutes." And then I heard the phone click. So I guess he'll be here in five minutes.

Here is the funny thing about what's happening right now. Me, the girl who is in labor 4 weeks early and going to be a single mom because her husband died in the war, is totally calm and cool. Edward, the surgeon that has seen more gruesome things than I can imagine and is supposed to be the epitome of grace under pressure, is losing it…quickly.

As I finally hung up the phone I started to giggle and then broke out to full hysterics. I could not wait to see how the next 24 hours played out but I'm sure it was going to be movie worthy. Too bad Rose was out of town, she would have enough ammo for a month's worth of dinners.

I grabbed my bags and headed to the kitchen. I didn't want to sit on the couch in case I got it wet…which reminded me to go grab a towel for Edward's car. As I was walking back from the hall closet there was a frantic knock on the door.

"Bella, are you in there?"

"Coming." I yelled as I walked toward the door. I got it unlocked and pulled open the door just in time to see Edward running one hand through his hair while pinching the bridge of his nose. "Edward, are you going to be all right? If not, I can get someone else to take me."

"I'm fine, no you don't need to find anyone else. Are you ready?" He said smiling. I could tell he was nervous but he was trying really hard not to be.

"Yep, let me grab my bag."

"No, I'll get it." I pointed toward the kitchen. A few seconds later Edward came back with the bag and we were on our way.

The drive to the hospital was quiet. Honestly, I think we were both a bit nervous and just wanted to make sure we made it to the hospital. I wasn't really worried because I hadn't started feeling any contractions yet so I didn't think we were in the home stretch or anywhere close to it. I knew these things could take a while.

Edward dropped me off at the Women's Center and told me that he was just going to park the car and be right in. I went to the desk and checked in, telling them that my water had broken. I had to wait about 10 minutes before Edward ran through the doors.

"Did you just run all the way from the parking lot? You know I'm not even feeling any contractions yet.."

"Shut it. I just didn't want you to be alone."

"Luckily I have you." I said and gave him a genuine smile. It was sad that I didn't have James with me and there wouldn't be a minute that I didn't think that but I knew how lucky I was to have someone like Edward with me right now.

Finally a nurse came to get me, of course I motioned for Edward to follow. She led us back to a room, instructed me to get changed and then got me setup with the monitor. She claimed I was having mild contractions but I couldn't feel a thing. After all her questions had been answered she told me to feel free to walk around the floor and then she left with the promise of calling the doctor.

I looked at Edward and didn't really know what to say so I decided to state the obvious. "So, it looks like I'm having a baby today."

Edward grinned from ear to ear. "Yes you are. Do you want me to call Jasper?"

"Oh, yeah…do you mind?"

"Nope."

Edward

Holy shit, Bella is having her baby…today. When she called me and told me she needed a ride to the hospital being in labor was the absolute last reason I thought she was asking. I'm not going to lie, I was scared to death. The first time I tried to leave my apartment I had forgotten my wallet and the second time I didn't have my keys. Finally I got my shit together and went to get her.

We got to the hospital and Bella was all setup by the nurse and waiting for the doctor. I decided this was a good time to give Jasper a call.

"Yo, Edward. How's it going?"

I gave Bella a look. "Uh, it's going well. Listen, I'm calling with news. I think y'all need to get on the airplane and come here. Bella just checked into the hospital because her water broke."

"Shit, Edward. Way to break it to us softly." I held the phone away from my ear and looked at Bella again. She just rolled her eyes. "How is she? Is she alone?"

"No, I'm here. I'm going to stay with her until y'all get here, if she wants. She's good, no real strong contractions yet."

"Ok. Listen, let me get a hold of Alice and mom and dad and I'll call you back. At this point I don't think we can get on a flight until tomorrow. Do you mind staying with her or can her friend Rose be there?"

"Rose is actually out of town with Emmett so I'm what she gets for the time being." Bella huffed like she was offended that I was the option she had but I knew she was just giving me a hard time. "Don't worry, I'll make sure she's ok."

"Good. Ok, I'll call you back within the hour. Oh yeah, and tell her I'll call Charlie. See ya, man." And Jasper hung up.

I turned and looked at Bella. "So, it looks like you're stuck with me unless you want me to go find your friend Tanya."

"No, no. I'd rather have you here than Tanya, I mean I work with her but that's really it...I wouldn't feel comfortable with her in there. Are you going to be ok if things get a little harry?"

"Of course." NOT. How in the world are men supposed to watch this? Listen, I'm one of those saps that thinks it's beautiful and a miracle to watch a life being brought into the world. Watching someone I'm so close to going through the pain of contractions and birth is a whole different ball game.

"Good because I really don't want to be alone Edward." She said and choked up a bit on the last word.

I walked over to her bed before answering. "Bella, I know this is tough and the situation surrounding us sucks but I'm here for you in any way you need me. I won't let you go through this alone. I know you wish James was here but I know he's up there watching you and looking out for you. Don't worry, this little one is going to be just fine." I said as I patted her bulging belly.

She nodded. "I know. I'm assuming from your call that the Cullen's won't be here until tomorrow and I need to call my dad."

"No, you don't. Jasper is going to call him. I'm sure he'll be on that plane tomorrow too."

After that things settled down a bit. Bella and I walked around the L&D floor for about 45 minutes and talked about everything from how scared she was of giving birth to hoping she didn't screw up the baby too much. I asked her if she had a name picked out and she said she did but she was keeping it to herself for now and I nodded in agreement.

Finally, Bella's doctor came to examine her and found out she was 3 centimeters dilated and did a quick ultrasound to make sure the baby was turned the right way which he was. Dr. Pickard also told Bella they were going to hold off until morning to start really moving things along. They wanted to see if she progressed on her own over night. She also told Bella she could have dinner and would then be given an Ambien so she could get some rest over night.

Bella's dinner was brought and then the Ambien and about 30 minutes later she was out. Jasper called to let me know they'd' be here around 1pm tomorrow and asked how Bella was so I updated him. He also said Charlie was coming with them.

Finally I made up the "bed" for the non-pregnant person and tried to get some rest. One would think that a doctor could sleep anywhere and usually that was the case for me but tonight I had a million things running through my mind. I finally drifted off around midnight.

Before I knew it I was being tapped on the shoulder. When I looked up it was Bella.

"Hey, what are you doing up?"

"The nurse helped me." And she pointed behind here where I saw the nurse setting things up around the room. "I'm going to take a quick shower and then they are going to start Pitocin to get things moving. I just wanted you to know." She said quietly. Actually, now that I was fully awake I realized how nervous Bella looked.

"Ok. I'm going to run to the locker room and shower real fast and then come back up. Are you going to be ok by yourself for just a bit" I felt bad asking her but I really needed a shower …and a large cup of coffee. That I didn't tell her.

I made my way to the surgical floor to shower and change. I caught sight of Dr. Sutherland and let him know what was going on. To say he was thrilled was an understatement. Who knew this hard ass man was such a baby lover. Anyway, he told me they'd call in help for my shift tomorrow and not to worry. He also said he didn't expect me back to work until Monday morning. I thanked him, went and showered and then headed back to Bella's room.

I arrived just in time to take my last sip of coffee and tossed the empty cup into the trashcan just inside Bella's room.

"Are you kidding me? I know what was in there Edward." She said in a very elevated voice.

"I know. I'm sorry you had to see that. It wasn't very nice of me….honestly I thought you'd still being the shower. How are you feeling?"

"Good. Ready to get going."

"I see they started your drip, it won't be long now."

She just smiled. "I know."

And so our morning was off to a start. I flipped on the TV and tried to find something to take her mind off what was happening but I could tell she was distracted and not even watching the TV. After an hour of the Pitocin Bella's contractions started getting stronger, at one point about two hours into it I was really wondering if she knew where she was. It was as if for 30 seconds she would be possessed and struggled through the pain. Dr. Pickard came in once to check her around 10:00am and she was making progress…dilated about 7 centimeters. Bella requested the epidural and it seems like the next thing that the doctor was "it's time to push."

Now, you would think that Dr. Masen, me, would be raring to go but my intelligent response was, "are you sure" to which both women gave me a "yeah, dumbass" look. I looked at Bella and at that moment my heart broke, she had tears running down her face and literally looked like a deer in headlights.

"Ok sweetheart, let's have this baby." I said looking right at her hoping that I could give her a little confidence about what was about to happen. She finally nodded and we both looked at the doctor.

"Bella, is Edward staying?" Dr. Pickard asked.

Bella looked at me and then back at Dr. Pickard. "Yes, I need him." Dr. Pickard looked at both of us and smiled. I put my hand on Bella's forehead and brushed her hair back. She looked up at me and I could tell she was on the verge of tears.

"Let's get this party started, pretty girl." We both turned towards Dr. Pickard and told her we were ready.

The nurse broke the bed down and then instructed me to hold Bella's leg while she got the other one. With every contraction that hit they would tell her to push for 10 seconds and then take a short breath and do it again. Things went along like that for about an hour. Bella was getting tired and she looked like she had just run a marathon but then she said she was feeling a lot of pressure.

"Ok Bella, let's make this a good one. You're almost there." Dr. Pickard said and Bella just nodded. "Here comes the contraction, start pushing."

I kept hold of her leg, encouraged her to keep going and told her how great she was doing. I'll be honest, I told myself I was not going to look _down there _but the way they situate the mothers to push you can't help but look. So when I briefly glanced down and saw the baby's head I was amazed. I looked back at Bella and whispered, "He has your dark hair. Come on sweetheart, let's meet him."

Those words were all Bella needed. Before she had to push again she whispered to me, "Edward, in case something happens his name is Lucas James." After that statement she pushed with the next contraction and I could see the baby's head, the doctor had her stop while she did something and then had her push again.

At 11:39am Lucas James Cullen entered our world. I didn't cut the umbilical cord because I just felt like it wasn't my place but I did follow the nurses to the baby station and whipped out the camera like a pro. I must've taken a picture of everything they did: cleaning him, weighing him (weighing 6lbs 9oz and was 19.25 inches long) wrapping him, putting a hat on his head. In between I counted 10 fingers and 10 toes and turned to Bella to give the thumbs up sign. She just smiled as the doctor continued to stitch her up.

Finally the nurse looked at me and said, "take this gift to his mama, she's waiting to meet him."

I picked up the tightly wound bundle and cradled him in my arms like he may break. I looked down at his angelic face and then leaned over to give him a kiss on the forehead. All I could think at that moment is that if I have the ability to give Lucas the world I will. I walked over to Bella and looked at her with a huge smile on my face.

"Lucas, meet your mama." And I handed him to Bella. She was so tender in taking him and cooed and snuggled with him, I could see the tears running down her face as she did so…and just like me she kissed his forehead.

I decided to give Bella a moment alone with the baby but as I walked away I heard her say, "your daddy was such a wonderful man and he left me with the best gift I could've ever asked for. I'm going to make all your dreams come true." All I could think was 'and Bella, I'm going to do my best to make yours come true'.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: The response to the last chapter was overwhelmingly positive, thank you! I don't have much to say...just a thank you for all the reviews. I think I replied to everyone but if I missed you, I apologize.

Oh, one other thing- if you hear of anyone that has referred my story, please let me know...or if you were referred to this story, let me know...I just like knowing, nothing else.

Hope everyone had a nice weekend!

Chapter 15

Bella

As I looked down at the bundle in my arms and made promises to take care of him and make sure he has everything he could ever want all I could think about was what a gift I've just been given. It was tragic that James wasn't able to be by my side but I had no doubt he was watching over me from above with a huge smile on his face.

Lucas was absolutely perfect. He had my hair color, James's nose and what looked to be my mouth but I'm sure that all change with every passing day. I couldn't stop looking at the perfection that lay in my arms.

I could feel the doctor continuing to work but didn't pay any attention. Edward and the pediatrician walked over and I got a little nervous.

"Bella, this is Dr. Gerandy from the NICU. Don't worry, nothing is wrong. He was just telling me that since Lucas is so early they are going to take him to the Transitional Nursery to just monitor his lungs for a few hours to insure all is as it should be. In the mean time they are going to get you finished up and move you to a postpartum room." Edward said.

"Ok, if that's what we have to do." I said. My head was kind of swimming but it sounded like this was just a precaution.

"Mrs. Cullen, he looks great but we just want to make sure everything is ok with his lungs so we are just going to monitor him for a couple of hours and then we'll bring him down to you in your room."

Then they took Lucas from my arms and put him in one of those clear bassinets that they can roll. I was trying really hard not to break down and cry and Edward must've realized this because he walked over to me and brushed the hair out of my face.

"Bella, it really is just precautionary because he is right on the line of being a preemie. I promise, I wouldn't tell you this unless it was the absolute truth." I just nodded because I knew I wouldn't be able to form words without crying. "I'm going to pack up all our stuff, they'll be moving you as soon as they finish up and before you know it he'll be back in your arms."

Finally I felt like I was able to form words. "I know, I just don't want anything to happen to him. He's all I have left of James."

"I know he is and he's going to be fine, I know it." Edward then moved around the room and packed up my stuff and the little that he had. In the mean time the nurse made me go to the bathroom to make sure I was able to pee, put the worse pair of "underwear" on me that I've ever seen and made sure I was all taken care of. Finally they loaded me into a wheelchair and off we went. I looked back to make sure Edward was finally with me.

We arrived at my room, got settled into the bed and I had just leaned my head back when Edward's cell phone rang.

"Hello." I heard him say. "Yeah, he's here. No, you are going to have to ask Bella that. Ok. Room 429. Ok, see you soon." Edward hung up his phone and then looked at me and smiled. "That was Alice…she's very energetic on the phone. Anyway, they are pulling up right now and should be here in a few minutes. And they want to know the baby's name."

I just smiled and relaxed for the few minutes I had before the hurricane known as Alice arrived.

About ten minutes later the door flew open and in walked all the Cullen's …and my father. I immediately felt the sting of tears in my eyes. I looked over to Edward and he just smiled.

"Baby girl, you're a mom. Your mother would be so happy." My dad said.

"Thanks, daddy. I'm pretty happy myself." Then I looked at everyone. "Well, I guess ya'll want to know about the baby." They all had huge grins on their face and I couldn't stop myself from smiling as well. "His name is Lucas James Cullen, he was born at 11:39am and weighed 6 pounds, 9 ounces and was 19 and a quarter inches long. He's in the Transitional Nursery now just to be monitored for a bit." I looked at Carlisle when I said that and he nodded as if he was familiar with that nursery. "Anyway, it was pretty easy and Edward was a trooper."

Edward barked out a laugh that I'm sure he meant to hold in. I just looked at him and laughed.

"Yeah, I'm a real tough guy. At one point I thought Bella and the doctor were both going to slap me. I asked if they were sure it was time to push already." Edward said and everyone laughed. "Hey, so I'm going to let y'all catch up and head out to run some errands. I'll be back later this afternoon, ok?"

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, the room is getting smaller by the minute and I know you want to catch up with everyone. Don't worry, I'll be back in a few hours so I can see L.J."

"L.J.?"

"Ugh….well, I just thought…"

Edward started stuttering so I stopped him. "Edward, it's fine. I actually really like it."

"Oh, ok then….L.J. it is, in my case anyway. I'm heading out, see y'all in a bit." Edward said on his way towards the door. As he passed Carlisle and Jasper he shook their hand and received a pat on the back from my dad. He threw me one more smile before opening the door and walking out.

It was actually kind of sad when Edward left for some reason. I'm not really sure why, it must be because he was with me through the biggest moment of my life. He didn't have to stay and I'm sure there were parts that were uncomfortable but he stuck by me.

After the door closed I looked from my dad to Esme and Carlisle and then Jasper and Alice. Finally Alice spoke up. "So, how was it? Did it hurt?"

"Alice." Jasper said. "Can y'all do that later after we all leave." Carlisle and dad were nodding furiously.

"Ok. Bella, I'm going to stay with you tonight if that's ok."

"Of course but you should be warned, Edward said that bed is not really that comfortable."

"You and my nephew are completely worth it."

"Thanks, Alice." I turned to everyone else and said, "So, how was the flight. Someone start talking so I don't have to dwell on the fact that my baby isn't in here with us."

Edward

I left Bella's room and headed towards the elevators. I did have some errands to run but I had a stop to make first….to check on Lucas. I only really took advantage of my "doctor" status when it was absolutely necessary and this was necessary. When I got to the nursery I flashed my badge and gave the older nurse my crooked smile and she opened the door.

"Can I help you Dr….."

"Masen, Dr. Masen. I'm actually here to see Lucas James Cullen. He was brought in about 90 minutes ago."

She immediately lit up. "Ah yes, the lady's man. He's a cutie with that dark hair and those red lips. All the nurses have been fawning over him like they've never seen a baby before."

I could feel my cheeks hurting when I smiled. "I'm glad y'all are taking good care of him. How's he doing?"

"He's actually doing great, we should be taking him up to his mama in about an hour. He's getting hungry so she'll have to feed him. I read that she's going to breastfeed." I just nodded. "Ok, come see him."

I followed the nurse over to the bassinet and looked down. Lying there was the smallest little human I'd ever seen or so I thought. He was hooked up to a bunch of monitors but didn't have any IV's so that was a good sign. I reached down and ran my finger along his cheek.

"L.J., you and I are going to get to know each other really well over the next few years and I can't wait. I knew your daddy, he was like a brother to me and I made a promise that I'd watch out for you and your mama so that's what I intend to do. Now let's make a deal, you be a good baby for your mama because she's one of the sweetest, kindest people I know and she deserves to be so happy…and I know you are going to make her happy."

I stood there for another 15 minutes just looking at L.J. before I decided it was time to leave. I looked at the nurse and thanked her for letting me in. Just before I walked out the door she said to me, "you know, I have a lot of daddy's come in here to see their new babies but I've never felt as confident about the care of a child as I do with you. You are going to make a great father, this little boy's mother is very lucky."

I didn't correct her because honestly I didn't want to. Someone's father, how great would that be. Maybe one day I'll have that opportunity but for now I'm going to take what I had been given and watch out for Bella's son.

I made it to my car and once inside I called Emmett to let him know about Bella and the baby. He was shocked to say the least and said that they'd be home Sunday morning and would just come to Bella's since she'd be home from the hospital by then. Then I made my way around town picking up some things at the drug store, including some diapers and wipes, I picked up some lunch and headed back to the apartment.

A few hours later I made it back to the hospital, visited with Bella, her dad and the Cullen's and held L.J. for a while. Before long the nurse came in to say that it was time for everyone to head home until tomorrow. Alice was staying with Bella tonight so I made my way out with Charlie, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme but not before leaning down and giving Bella a kiss on the forehead and telling her what a great job she did today. She looked at me and I could see her eyes glistening so I just smiled and walked out the door.

We were waiting at the elevator when Charlie spoke. "Edward, we are so thankful you stayed with her throughout the labor, I would've been heartbroken if she had to go through that alone."

I just shook my head. "That wasn't even an option unless she had told me to get out. She was so strong throughout the entire labor, you would've been proud Charlie." He just cringed…I'm sure he didn't want to think about his little girl giving birth. Then I looked at Jasper. "Jasper man, you just wait until its Alice's turn." He immediately shook his head and told me that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

We all walked outside and Charlie and the Cullen's went one way while I went toward my car to head home.

The next couple of days were crazy. I went to the hospital for a few hours on Friday and visited with everyone. Bella had confided in me, during one of the few times that we were alone with L.J., that she was terrified to be taking a baby home to take care of. She started crying and saying that she had no qualifications to be allowed to take a baby home and what if she dropped him. I almost laughed at her but with her hormones all out of whack I decided that might not be the best idea.

"_Bella, you know that all new moms feel that way. You are going to be a great mother and that little boy was blessed the day he was born to you. Alice and Esme are going to be here for a week to help out and then I'm taking eight days off. Plus, Rose and Emmett will be around. You have so many people that want to help you, all you have to do is ask."_

_She wiped her eyes before she started talking again. "I know, I'm just so scared. I wasn't supposed to do this alone."_

"_And you won't, pretty girl." I countered._

_We sat there and just looked at L.J. He was a beautiful baby and so sweet. He started wiggling around in Bella's arms. "Well, time to eat." _

"_I'll just step outside." I didn't want to make her uncomfortable._

"_Edward, you don't have to leave. You saw a lot more in that delivery room."_

"_Only if you are ok with it." She just nodded, undid her top and placed L.J. in place to eat. He had really taken well to breastfeeding, which I knew some women struggled with. _

_As I sat there and watched Bella provide nourishment for her son I was struck at what an absolute miracle he was. James had left Bella with a gift unlike any other and she fully embraced what he'd given her. _

_I was shocked at how beautiful breastfeeding really was. Being a doctor I had always looked at the scientific side of breastfeeding but watching Bella feed L.J. was a completely different feeling. It almost felt overwhelming for me and I was so proud of what she was giving L.J. After about 20 minutes she pulled him away and went to burp him._

"_May I?" I asked._

"_Definitely." And she handed him over. _

_As I began to burp L.J. I felt his little head rest against my shoulder and I just closed my eyes and kept patting his little back. Bella got herself resituated and then looked over to me._

"_You're a natural, Edward."_

"_Ha, that's funny because I've never even been around babies really …except for during med school and my training and stuff." I whispered to her. By this time L.J. had burped and fallen asleep against my shoulder and I didn't want to do anything to wake him up. _

_"Well, you are."_

Saturday arrived before I knew it and it was time to get Bella and the little guy home. I'd let it slip that I had a car seat a base already installed in my car and she just laughed but agreed that it came in handy since the Cullen's were in a rental and with her dad it was a tight squeeze. We got L.J.'s electronic security device removed, cut off his identity bracelet and we all headed out the door and onto the rest of our lives with a baby in tow.

Finally we were all packed into the car and on our way. Bella was in the back with L.J. and talked to him the entire time. I could see in my rearview mirror that she had her hand on the side of his face and he was out like a light.

We made it to the apartment after me staying five miles under the speed limit at all times. I'm sure the people behind me were annoyed but I had precious cargo that I was carrying and I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize everyone's safety. I pulled into the parking space and let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. With my help, Bella slowly made her way out of the car, as she was pretty sore. Then I walked around to get the carrier out and we made our way to the apartment. L.J. hadn't moved an inch and was sleeping peacefully.

Bella was slow moving and I didn't want to rush her. Once we reached her apartment she just knocked knowing that Alice and Esme were already there. Esme opened the door and just gushed over her first grandson. She was going to be a fantastic grandmother.

I stayed long enough to get Bella and L.J. settled and asked if anyone needed anything.

"Oh, Edward. Can you run out and get some diapers." Esme asked. "Carlisle forgot to get them when he was out earlier and he and Jasper won't be back for about an hour."

"Actually I bought some the other day and since I have a key to Bella's apartment I put them in the nursery last night. They should be on the changing table with some wipes also." I said.

Esme just looked at me and gave me a motherly smile. "Wow, a guy that thinks ahead. You're a keeper Edward. Anyway special women in your life?"

"I've got my hands full as it is, no woman for this guy. Ok, I'll see you guys tomorrow morning. Bella, Emmett and Rose should be here around noon."

"Ok. Thanks again for calling them. And thanks…for everything Edward. I know James would be happy you were there."

There was nothing I could say in response because I was too emotional so I just nodded and headed out of the apartment. I walked the six doors down to my place and unlocked the door, walked in and flopped down on the couch. I was exhausted but more than that I was confused. I know James would've been happy that I was there with Bella but honestly I was feeling lucky that things worked out the way they did. I felt like I had been blessed with another best friend and a little boy that I was already attached to like he was my own. It was hard to stay away from them, to know they were just six doors down and not in the room down the hall.

Getting overly emotional about Bella and L.J. wasn't going to fix anything so I finally went to bed. Sleep came easily but the dream I had would prove to prevent sleep for days to come.

_There I was sitting in a meadow with Bella and L.J. L.J. looked to be about 3 years old and still had Bella's brown hair and red lips, he also had James's bright blue eyes and tan skin. He stood up and went running after a butterfly that he'd caught sight of. Bella and I laughed and laid back on the blanket and stared at the sky._

_"You know Edward, I really feel as thought I'm the luckiest woman in the world. I've been blessed with true love twice….most people don't even get that once. I'm so glad I had James because he gave me L.J. but I know that He has a plan for us and things happen for a reason. I lost James but you were given to me and for that I can never regret anything that has happened."_

_I just looked into her brown eyes and nodded. "I think we both owe James a lot…he set us up so to speak." I took a deep breath and continued. "I love you, Bella." Then my eyes roamed down her body and I placed my hand on her bulging belly. "And I cannot wait to meet this little girl and give L.J. the sibling he keeps asking for."_

At that moment I gasped and sat straight up in bed. "Oh shit." Those words were all I could think to say because at that moment I realized something that I knew wasn't a good thing. "I'm falling in love with Bella. This cannot happen."


	16. Chapter 16

AN: First, thank you to The Twinklings for recommending this story...very nice of that website to do that. And, thank you for all the wonderful reviews...I got quite a few this time and I'm pretty sure I got back to everyone. Everyone has been so kind in their comments. So...a big thank you to everyone for sticking with me!

Hope you all have a nice weekend...another chapter on Monday.

**Chapter 16**

**Bella**

I was scared to death to bring Lucas home. There were no nurses at home to help me and tell me what to do when I had a question. Sure I had a doctor six doors down but let's be honest, Edward really showed his true colors when he asked Dr. Pickard if she was sure it was time for me to push. This man may be great with putting people back together that he doesn't know but when it involves someone he's close to, he's a mess.

When I left the hospital with Edward I realized that the life I had and the one I would have from here on out were vastly different. I talked to Lucas the entire drive home to keep my mind off the reality of being home…alone….with a newborn. Granted, I would not be alone for a while. Alice and Esme were staying with me for a week and then Edward said he was taking some time off work to help out. Plus, Rose would be around to help out so I knew I wasn't totally by myself but there would come a day when everyone was gone or at work and what would I do then. I was taking 12 weeks off work to be with L.J. but I knew that there would be times during those 12 weeks that I struggled…especially when the lack of sleep set in.

We arrived at the apartment and were greeted by Esme and Alice. They had gotten everything cleaned up and made some food so I wouldn't have to worry about that. Carlisle, Jasper and my dad had to head home for work so I said goodbye to them yesterday with the promise of coming to visit in a couple of months. Saying goodbye to my dad had been the hardest part of the entire thing because I was scared and I wanted my dad there to help me and tell me it would all be ok. He did tell me it would be ok but for whatever reason him leaving was very hard for me.

After making sure we were settled Edward left to head back to his place since he had to work the next day. I didn't really know what to say to him. He'd been such a trooper with me through the labor and delivery so I knew something needed to be said so I blurted out the first thing that I thought of, that James would've been happy Edward was there since he couldn't be. Edward gave me a slight smile and then headed out the door and when he left he took some of the security I felt with him. It was comforting to have Edward with me because we were kind of in it together...like war buddies so to speak. And, since my hormones were all out of whack I started crying once the door closed behind him.

Esme immediately took notice. "Bella honey, are you ok?"

"I don't even know why I'm crying."

Esme chuckled a bit. "Oh, Bella. It's your hormones honey and I'm sure this wont be the last bout of crying you'll have. It's absolutely normal and most women go through it, I promise."

"Yeah Bella, don't worry about it. We are here for you and want to help make this easier for you. And I'm going to start by snuggling up with this little bug." Alice went over to L.J.'s carrier and began unbuckling him while I went to get myself cleaned up a bit. When I came back out Alice was holding L.J. while Esme was sitting next to her and reading him the newspaper.

"Esme, don't you think that's a bit much for his age?" I said with a smile on my face to show her that I was joking.

"I read that it doesn't matter what you read to them, it's all beneficial. Plus, how can learning about current events be bad?"

At that moment I heard a knock on the door and knew it had to be Emmett and Rose. Alice placed L.J in the Pack N' Play and went to get the door, as I was still moving a bit slow.

"Holy shit, you're a mom." Rose whispered loudly.

"Yeah Bella-bean, you started the party without us. What's up with that?"

"Sorry, Emmett. I tried my best to keep my knees together once my water broke but L.J. had a mind of his own." I shot back at Emmett. He just started laughing.

"L.J.?" Rose looked at me and I remembered then that I hadn't told her the baby's name.

"Lucas James Cullen. Edward nicknamed him L.J. and it just kind of stuck. Anyway, he was born at 11:39am and weighed 6 pounds 9 ounces. And he's perfect." I said as Esme and Alice just nodded with goofy grins on their faces.

"Well let me take a good look at him, I'll be the judge of that." Emmett said and moved towards the Pack N' Play L.J. was sleeping in. "Can I pick him up?" The look on Emmett's face was priceless, he looked liked a little boy.

"Of course. Just support his head."

Emmett reached in and grabbed the swaddled baby and came to sit in the chair to my right. He held the baby like a pro and Rose stood behind him with her hand on his shoulder. I could see in her eyes that she was going to be a great mom and couldn't wait for their baby to get here. She was finally starting to show and saying Rosalie is a beautiful pregnant girl was an understatement, she's stunning.

They sat there for a few more minutes and everything was fine until L.J. let out a wail. Emmett's head shot up and he looked at me with saucer-sized eyes. "What do I do? I'm scared. I didn't do anything." I just started laughing along with the rest of the women in the room.

"Emmett, he's just hungry. No big deal. You are just like Edward, all smooth and stuff until the shit hits the fan. Here, I need to feed him anyway."

"Wait, what happened with Edward?" Rose asked.

"Oh, you mean when I called him to tell him I needed to go to the hospital and he told me he'd be there in five minutes about 10 times…or when he tried to leave his apartment and it took him three times: the first time he didn't have his wallet and then he didn't have his keys. Or do you mean in the delivery room when he asked the doctor if she was sure it was time to push?"

"Are you kidding me? I thought Edward was all tough as nails and stuff, what happened?"

"Rose, I wouldn't say anything because I can't even imagine what it's going to be like in the delivery room. I have to take up for my guy here." Emmett had a very serious look on his face while he said this and I just started cracking up.

"Emmett, you are not a surgeon. This is a guy that see awful things and handles it like he's totally fine."

At this point I had to cut in. "Rose, don't be too hard on him. He really did a great job and was there the entire time when he didn't have to be. I swear you would've thought this was his child." Rose's eyebrows shot up but I just kept talking. "He even kept me going when I was completely worn out, took pictures for me and reassured me when they took L.J. to the special nursery for observation. Be nice."

"Ok. So, tell me more about this little rug rat. What was it like? Did it hurt?" Then Rose whispered, "Did you tear a lot?"

We spent the rest of the evening passing L.J. around and I answered a million questions. Rose and Emmett finally left, I fed L.J. a couple more times and then got him settled into his crib around 9pm. Of course I didn't expect to get much sleep since I was breastfeeding so I didn't even bother going to bed. Esme and Alice called it a night and made up their blow-up mattress but I decided to stay up and watch some TV in my room since these moments alone wouldn't happen very often from here on out.

I finally crawled into bed around midnight after feeding L.J. another time but unfortunately sleep did not come easy because I was still pretty sore and my mind was racing. I thought about everything from telling James I was pregnant to being notified of his death to Edward being the saving grace I didn't know I needed or had. I was so glad to have Edward in my life and secretly I was glad that he was the one with me when L.J. was delivered but I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty for taking him away from his life. I knew he'd be there to help me whenever I needed and I knew I would need him but I wanted to make sure that I didn't take too much time. He'd ended things with Lauren because it wasn't serious but I knew he wanted to find someone and he deserved to find someone. A guy like Edward deserves to get everything he wants and after seeing him with L.J. I definitely think a family is in his future. Those thoughts kept me going for a while but before I knew it I was being brought out of a deep sleep by L.J.'s whimpers and his way of telling me he was hungry.

The week that Esme and Alice were here was a huge help. We took L.J. to his newborn appointment and got him checked over by the pediatrician. They helped me run errands and get several things that I had on my "Buy Before the Baby Comes" list but hadn't gotten yet. They also watched over L.J. while I tried to catch up on sleep…this was probably the best thing they could do for me.

I broke down the day they were leaving because I just didn't want to be alone but when Edward came to pick them up he assured me he would come over as soon as he got back from the airport. To say I was relieved was an understatement. I hadn't seen much of Edward since Sunday because he was working so it was nice to just have him back around.

"Bella, you and my son mad a beautiful baby. I have no doubt that you are going to be a great mother to that boy but don't forget to take care of yourself too. Nap when he does, don't overwork yourself and slowly get back into the swing of things. I love you so much, thank you for letting me be here for this." Esme said and then gave me a huge hug and thanked.

Then I turned to Alice and when I saw the tears running down her cheeks I started crying also.

"I don't want you to leave." I said.

"I know but you have Edward and Rose …and Emmett, although I don't really know how much help he'll be as we saw. You are going to be just fine. And my nephew is going to be a good little boy for you, aren't you Lucas." Alice then kissed L.J., who was in Edward's arms, gave me a hug and then grabbed her bags to head to Edward's car.

"Alice, put those down. I'll get them." Edward said. He walked over to me and put L.J. back in my arms before leaning down and picking up Alice and Esme's bags. "I'll be back in about 45 minutes. If you think of something you need me to get then call my cell phone, ok?"

"Ok. Thanks."

They all walked out the door and once it closed I walked over to the sofa to sit down.

"Well L.J., it's just you and me. Do you like your nickname that Edward gave you? I do and I think I'll keep it. When you get in trouble then I'll call you Lucas James and you'll know that I mean business." I looked down into L.J.'s gray eyes and couldn't get over the overwhelming feelings that were shooting through me. I may have lost James and the tragedy of that is something I'll never forget but I'll keep on living because of what he left me. Lucas James Cullen deserved all the love in the world and I was going to make sure he got it.

**Edward**

So I have a problem. A major problem. I'm having dreams about Bella as though she and I are together and even worse, I'm enjoying them. I'm waking up with a problem I haven't had in a very long time. What kind of sicko am I? I am falling for my dead best friend's wife who just had his child. There has got to be something wrong with me.

Ever since the first night I had a dream about Bella and L.J. it's all I could think about. On top of that my dreams were getting more in-depth. In the last dream I had L.J. was calling me daddy and I was coaching his little league baseball team while Bella and a little girl about three years old that I called Lyla Brooke were sitting in the stands. I keep telling myself that it's no big deal but who am I kidding, I knew exactly what it meant.

Those thoughts are what led me to throw myself 100% into my work for the week. I was still taking the eight days off that I originally requested but I also picked up two extra shifts so that I'd have an excuse not to see Bella. I had no intention of bailing out on helping her but I knew I had to get things under control before I went over there.

Emmett called me a couple times throughout the week just to check in since he hadn't seen me since before their trip. I told him about work and picking up the shift and that I planned on being at Bella's next week while I was off. He dropped a few hints that Bella had asked if he had seen me but I didn't take the bait and he didn't press for any other information. He did tell me that L.J., as apparently now everyone was calling him, had grown some already but still had frog legs and skinny arms. It made me sad that I hadn't seen L.J. in a few days but I knew I'd get my fix next week.

Work flew by and before I knew it I was heading down the hall with a duffle bag to Bella's apartment. I don't know what was wrong with me, I was feeling like that awkward 16-year-old boy from West Seattle High School when I passed Karen Luwicki and her big boobs in the hall. My hands were sweaty and I kept running them through my hair. It took me a good two minutes before I even knocked on the door but I finally did.

"Coming." I heard Bella say from inside and then heard her footsteps getting closer to the door. In swung open and she had a huge smile on her face. "Hey!"

"Hi." I said and was sure I had a tight smile on my face. If I didn't get it together Bella was going to think something was wrong. "Where's L.J.?"

"Oh, I see how it is…L.J., L.J., L.J. What about Bella?"

"You know it's all about you but Emmett told me L.J. has already grown and you are shrinking so what fun is that." And just like that I was back to being old Edward.

"Shrinking…ha. You're sweet. Come on, he's in here doing some tummy time."

I followed Bella down the hall and into the living room. There on a huge quilt was this tiny little boy that had apparently fallen asleep during tummy time but still looked adorable. I went to go sit on the floor next to him and just laid my hand on his back.

"I don't think tummy time was very popular today, he seems to be worn out."

"Yeah, I can usually keep him up for about ten minutes and then he poops out but at least he's getting some time on his stomach. I'm so glad you're here, I know he's missed you and so have I. How was work?"

"Ugh, long. It was good but I'm glad to have some time off to spend with my two favorite people." Tread lightly, Masen. "Anyway, what can I do to help?"

"Well, I haven't showered yet so I'd like to go do that but I'll feed him real quick. Then maybe I'll lay down and take a quick nap if you don't mind."

"Not at all, you just tell me what you need and I'm here."

Bella reached down and grabbed L.J. and then went to sit on the couch. It took me a minute to remember that Bella did this in front of me at the hospital but I was so much more uncomfortable now. Well, maybe uncomfortable wasn't the right word but I just knew I couldn't look at her while L.J. was feeding so I just leaned back against the couch and tried to relax.

The rest of the night went pretty well. L.J. and I spent some quality time together and I told him all about his daddy and what a great guy he was. Then I started talking to him about his mama and how wonderful she was.

"Did you know that she is so strong and such a wonderful person? She has this little boy at work that she looks out for, Seth, and he absolutely loves her. But don't worry, she just helps Seth feel well and get better when he doesn't. She brightens the room when she walks in and has the most beautiful smile and you have her same mouth so I bet you are going to have a great smile too. But, I'm going to teach you all about being a gentleman and treating ladies with respect. I'll show you what I mean when I'm with your mom so you can see how you should treat her." Then I lowered my voice and whispered to him. "I'm going to tell you a secret but you can't tell her. I think I'm falling in love with your mommy and I don't know what to do about it. She loves your dad so much and I know it'll be a while before she's ready to even think about anyone else. What do you think I should do, L.J.? You know what, I love you so much already and I am so happy that I met your mommy and she's going to let me help teach you things. I promise you can be anything you want to be in life and I'll help you get there."

I played with L.J. for a few hours while Bella rested and then he and I decided it was time to catch a little TV. We watched the news but that was so boring that L.J. fell asleep on my chest so then I flipped it to ESPN. A few minutes later I felt myself drifting off without any thoughts at all. For whatever reason I felt like I was right where I was supposed to be and all was right in the world. I knew whatever I was fighting would eventually win but I was going to give it my best shot at putting it off.


	17. Chapter 17

AN: I just re-read this chapter and found a lot of mistakes I made so I'm going to apologize ahead of time for anything you find wrong in this chapter...don't forget, bad writer here.

I had a ton of reviews for the last chapter so thank you for that. Also, thank you to the few people who found this story and reviewed every chapter...so nice.

As always, I appreciate anything you have to say about the story!

You should get at least two updates this week if not more.

ENJOY!

Chapter 17

**Bella**

The weeks following L.J.'s birth were a whirlwind. I think there were some points in which I was actually having hallucinations during the day because of waking up in the middle of the night so much. I really shouldn't complain, Lucas was a very good baby. He had taken to breast-feeding like a pro but took a bottle too, he played with himself on the play mat and didn't always need to be held and he hardly ever cried.

Having Edward here for a week was a huge help. I really thought after Esme and Alice left that I'd be ok but I wasn't. Taking care of L.J. was a breeze, it was taking care of myself that was a bit challenging. One dad I didn't take a shower until 4pm and another I forgot to eat all together until Edward handed me a plate and told me he wasn't taking it back until it was empty.

Edward was also good with L.J. while he was here. He always wanted to burp him and I think it was because L.J. usually fell asleep on Edward's shoulder or chest afterwards. He never shied away from the dirty diapers and whenever I started crying he would put his arm around my shoulder and just tell me to let it out.

_It was 4 a.m. and I was exhausted but L.J. was hungry so I had to get him fed. It was times like this that I wished I hadn't decided on breastfeeding, if he was eating formula then Edward could help me. Nice Bella, let's just put it all on Edward so we can sleep._

_I stumbled into L.J.'s room to find Edward picking him up from the crib and moving him to the changing table. _

"_I can do that, you don't have to get up." _

"_Don't worry about it. I heard him whimpering so I thought I'd try to get him back to sleep before you woke up but I guess I was too late."_

"_Yeah. I swear I have mother ears now…I hear every little sound." I couldn't really see Edward because the room was pretty dark with only a nightlight to help. Edward was buttoning L.J. back up and I held out my hands for him. "You want to sit with us?"_

"_Sure." Edward moved to sit on the floor next to the rocker. "I don't know how you're doing it Bella. I'm tired and I'm pretty much getting eight hours of sleep."_

"_It's tough." I was trying so hard to keep my emotions in check but it wasn't working. I had to finally take a breath and with it came a broken sob._

"_Are you ok, Bella? Did I say something, sweetheart? I didn't mean to upset you."_

"_No, I'm fine. Honestly I don't even know why I'm crying. The other day I was watching a Humane Society commercial and they showed a dog in a cage and I just broke down. It's like I can't get my emotions under control." I kept a tight hold on L.J. while I talked because I didn't want him to get upset too._

"_Oh, Bella. It's nothing that you can change, it's your hormones. They are so out of whack right now and on overload that you are all over the place. I bet five minutes after the commercial you were laughing." I nodded because he was right. "It happens to most women so you really shouldn't be concerned. If you start feeling really down then talk to me but it's going to take a couple of weeks to get things settled in your body."_

_I just started crying again. "I know and it's awful. I'm bleeding all the time and I'm so sore still. And these stupid pads I have to wear are completely uncomfortable. And none of my underwear fit or my sleep shorts. It's like all the fat from my stomach is moving to my hips and butt. And I really don't know why I told you that, I'm sorry."_

"_I wish I knew what to say but I'm notoriously bad at saying the wrong thing in these situations. I will say that I think you are doing a great job and as a doctor I'm telling you that you're right where you should be." Then he turned his head and looked me right in the eye. "Don't rush things Bella, women have been doing this for thousands of years and have had the same struggles. You'll get there."_

_After that I finished feeding L.J., passed him over to Edward and told him I was going back to bed. The next morning I woke up before I heard L.J. and went to the kitchen for a glass of milk. As I passed the living room I saw Edward laying on the couch with L.J. laying on his chest. Both boys were sound asleep._

Unfortunately, Edward did have to go back to work and that left me alone and on my own for the first time. Rose was coming to spend the day with me and would be for the next week but at night it was all me. I could only hope that I could take a quick nap in between feedings.

Rose arrived with a bag full of food from Big River Grille, one of my favorites and a bottle of Caffeine Free Diet Coke. "Ah, a woman after my heart."

"You know it baby. How Bella got her groove back, start with Caffeine Free Diet Coke."

"Funny."

We plopped down on the couch and started talking. Rose, not being one to beat around the bush, asked the question I knew she was dying to ask. "So, how was it really? No sugar coating. Did it hurt?"

Those two questions began an hour-long conversation about what all happened from the time my water broke until L.J. getting out of the Transitional Nursery. I left no topic untouched and told her what I would do different and what I wouldn't. I told her the one thing I wouldn't do is change who was there with me.

"If James couldn't' be with me during such a great time then I'm glad Edward was there. He was so positive during the entire thing. I'm lucky he stayed, I was worried that it'd be a little too personal for him but he was a champ. And he told me what color hair L.J. had when he was crowning. Do you think it's weird that he looked?"

Rose looked like she was deep in thought and finally answered, "I don't think it's weird. From everything I've read it's basically impossible for the guy not to see the goods with the way they position you." I nodded because I completely agreed. "Plus, Edward doesn't strike me as a perv. He actually strikes me as the type of sentimental fool that thinks it's a "miracle" and "beautiful"." I just laughed because she was absolutely right.

"Speaking of Edward, you know he and Emmett are going to grab a beer together on Friday. I guess they have a man date. You know, for such a good-looking, single guy he surprisingly has few dates. Whoever does snag him is going to be lucky." Rose said while looking at me.

"Yeah. And he's going to be a fantastic father. You should see him with L.J., he's so sweet." And that led us to talking about Edward for the next 30 minutes but I didn't mind, he was an easy target for me.

**Edward**

I couldn't believe it had been a month since Bella went into labor and little L.J. joined us. Things had been somewhat crazy getting used to having a baby around. Bella was busy with all her visitors and helpers, I was trying to throw myself into work when I wasn't helping Bella out and Rose and Emmett were stepping in whenever possible.

Tonight I was getting off at 7pm and meeting Emmett at a "non-college" bar near Vanderbilt. This way I could stumble back to the apartment if I had a little too much to drink and to be honest with the amount of hours I'd been working this week I don't think it would take very much to put me into the "no drive zone".

I was glad to be going out with a guy because my life for the past month has been all women. Even at work the majority of my patients were women and two of them had little babies that they wanted to tell me all about, how ironic is that? I'd had way too much estrogen in my life and I needed a break. On top of that I needed to get away from Bella. Ugh, that even sounds harsh in my own mind but the more I'm around her and watch her care for L.J. the deeper I'm getting myself into trouble.

I have come to terms with the way I'm feeling for Bella although I'm not going to embrace it yet. The way I see it my feelings were bound to go in the direction they are. I was the white knight that came in and swooped the damsel in distress off her feet and made her life easier. Of course I was feeling something stronger than friendship for Bella, who wouldn't. But that's all they were…feelings. I couldn't act on them so for now I was going to ignore them. I'm sure most people would tell me this is a terrible idea but the reality is Bella lost her husband, a man she was truly happy and in love with, only six months ago. She also just had a baby and is dealing with all the emotions that go along with that change in life. And on top of everything else, I'm feeling guilty about it because I was James's best friend. For now I'm planning on just keeping things the way they are with no major changes.

I'm sure Bella thinks I've totally fallen off the planet. I've been avoiding her ever since I went back to work after my vacation because I don't know how to look at her and not see that woman that has been in my dreams over the past couple of weeks. I feel like an ass but right now this is the best solution I can come up with.

Needless to say, all these thoughts are what led me to calling Emmett on Monday evening to see if he wanted to grab a beer. He said that worked out great because Rose was going to hang out with Bella and help out with L.J.

I walked up to the door of Joseph's Tap Room and pulled the door open. I looked around for Emmett but didn't see him so I just saddled up to the bar and ordered at Fat Tire. As I waited on the bartender to bring me my beer I looked around the bar and realized that it wasn't too long ago that I was spending Friday and Saturday nights at places like Joseph's in order to let off some steam and maybe meet a girl. It actually worked with Lauren but now that Bella and L.J. have come into my life being here feels wrong and uncomfortable because I feel like I don't belong. Regardless, I was here tonight and I had decided earlier in the day that I was going to enjoy my night out.

Just then Emmett sat down on the stool next to me. "Hey man, sorry I'm a few minutes late. I had to drop off some dinner for Bella and Rose. I swear, Rose is keeping me busy with all the whacky cravings she is having. Last night she wanted a chili dog and fries from the Varsity."

"In Atlanta?" That's the only Varsity I knew of.

"Yeah, can you believe that? Where was I going to find a hot dog like that in Nashville? She finally settled on oatmeal from McDonald's." I gave him a strange look because oatmeal was a far cry from a chili dog and fries. "She said that just the smell of the burgers and fries was enough to satisfy her craving and that she was going to eat something healthy. Pregnant women are kind of nutty."

"It doesn't stop there. When I stayed with Bella last week she cried for no reason at all. She would be feeding L.J. or reading a book or even telling me that she was going to take a shower. The worse was when a military commercial came on…it took me half an hour to get her calmed down."

Emmett just laughed and I ordered beer number two.

"What are you drinking? My treat for meeting me out tonight." I said to Emmett.

"I think I'll just have a Miller Lite. Nothing to heavy."

"Yeah, I'm having Fat Tire but I think I may switch it up after this one." We ordered Emmett's beer and then turned in our seats to take in the crowd. I enjoy people watching because I've decided there is always someone out there that makes me feel normal…even when I was a social moron.

"So, what have you been up to?" Emmett was always good about keeping the conversation going.

"Not much, just work and helping out Bella. Doesn't leave a lot of time for me to do my own thing."

"Yeah, I bet. So what's going on with Bella? How do you think she's doing really?"

I took a deep breath and then let it out before answering. "I don't know. The doctor in me says she's doing well. I think she's exhausted and is struggling a bit with that but that's normal for new mothers. I worry about her anxiety though. I think she's gotten herself so worked up about having to do this all on her own and on top of that I think she's not fully dealt with James's death yet. I'm sure that makes me sound a little off and I know we've seen her cry and breakdown and bury him but I think everything just went haywire after that and she's not thought about it since then."

Emmett nodded in agreement. "I can see how you're worried about that. You know, you hate to see any of your fellow soldiers injured or killed and I really hated losing a friend but of all the women I thought could handle it, Bella is at the top of the list. She's so strong and independent that I think maybe this is her way of dealing with it, you know?"

"You're probably right. I just get myself really worked up about both Bella and L.J. because I want to make life as easy as possible for both of them." Emmett gave me a questioning look so I just kept talking. "I just feel so protective of them, it's weird I know. Bella has already had one love ripped out of her life and it would break my heart if she had another blow to her life."

Emmett and I ordered another round of beers before the conversation picked back up.

"I know you're protective of them and I don't think that anyone would blame you for it but you have to live your life too Edward. Don't forget to have fun. We are all here for Bella so don't take on all that responsibility."

"I know and you're right. To be honest I'm happy being there for them and not dating really isn't a problem." I took a few more sips of beer and finally finished it off and ordered another….the last one I told myself. "Hey man, are you going to pick up Rose after we leave here?"

"Yeah. You need a ride?"

"If you don't mind."

"No problem, man."

"Thanks. So, how are things going with your soldiers now that they are home from Afghanistan? I know everyone must be relieved that you didn't have any more issues."

"They're good. It's always a hard adjustment when you get home..especially if you have a family. You know these men have been gone for months and they come home to a baby that's a toddler now or a middle schooler that is a hormonal teenager. It's rough and these soldiers have to find their place in everyone's lives again."

"I bet it is tough but y'all offer counseling and stuff, right?"

"Yeah, the Army does what it can but it's hard to transition regardless of how much counseling you have. Now that Rose is pregnant I'm seriously considering getting out this summer. I'm up for resigning my contract and I only have eight years in so I'm not losing out on much. I can still get some of the benefits and have another whole career. I'd really like to work with kids or young adults...maybe teach. Plus, I love being home with Rose all the time so I just can't see myself re-upping for four more years."

"Wow, that's awesome. Bella is going to be thrilled. Now that wedding is going to become a reality if you have a girl. When do you find out by the way?"

"We have an appointment next week actually. Rose is thrilled."

'That's awesome. Congrats, man."

Emmett was looking over my shoulder at something behind me so I turned around quickly to catch a glance of what he was looking at.

"Hey Emmett, how are you?" A girl with auburn red hair said to Emmett.

"Jessica. Hey, how are you?" The girl, Jessica, and another friend walked over to us and we all started talking.

Jessica knew Emmett because she used to date a friend of his. Her friend, Angela, worked with Jessica at a local daycare. She was a sweet girl and I could tell the bar scene wasn't her normal routine. After talking for a bout 30 minutes I realized that Jessica had talked her into coming out tonight.

Jessica and Emmett continued to talk so that left Angela and me with getting to know one another. We realized we are both recovering dorks, both were Nashville transplants and both enjoyed going into town for dinner and hearing live music. The more I talked with Angela the more I realized that I enjoyed my conversation with her and I thought she'd be someone I could take out and try to squash those feelings I was having for Bella. I don't know if it was the desperation of needing to stop having these lovey dovey feelings about Bella or the beers I had but before I knew what I was saying I turned to Angela and said, "Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?"

I could see Emmett's head whip around so fast that it made me dizzy and when I looked his way his jaw was hanging on it's hinges. I thought I heard him mumble something about Rose having his ass and that he's a dead man.

"Yeah, I'd love to."

"Great, are you busy next Friday night? I work Sunday and Monday and then again Wednesday and Thursday."

"That's perfect. Here, let me give you my phone number and you can give me a call."

And that is how I found myself with a date on with Angela Weber the following Friday night.


	18. Chapter 18

AN: I've been writing up a storm this week so you get this a day early. I was going to wait it out until tomorrow but I got a story update from LadyExcalibur2010 and in her note she said that she'd gotten her chapter written early and because she wasn't patient she sent it out...I feel the same way, once I get these chapters written I just want y'all to read them.

If you have read any of LadyExcalibur2010's story, take a look...I think they are fantastic and she's a wonderful writer.

Ok, in regards to the last chapter I got a lot of reviews about being upset with Edward...so I'm really looking forward to what you have to say after this chapter.

Thank you, once more, for all the reviews. I try to get back to everyone but I have about 15 I won't get back to from the last chapter because I'm putting this chapter up...but please don't let that stop you from telling me how you feel. And, I apologize in advance for any errors...again, not an English major...bad writer!

Enjoy!

**Chapter 18**

**Bella**

As they say, time flies once you have a child. I can't even count how many people have told me that before I look up L.J. will be 18 years old and leaving for college. I can't even imagine what that will be like. When I went from newborn diapers to size one I about broke down in the middle of the grocery store. Thank goodness Rose was with me and had something funny to say that took my mind off of the fact that L.J. had grown out of his diapers.

Today L.J. and I were heading to the doctor's office for his two month appointment. It's been a wild ride the last month. I'd officially been on my own as of the day L.J. turned one month old. I told Rose that I knew she had things to do and she shouldn't feel like she had to be with me. Plus, I knew that I needed to try to do it on my own so that I had the confidence to handle L.J. by myself. Unfortunately, it didn't work out quite the way I thought it would.

_I was walking around with L.J. bouncing in my arms because for the life of me I could not get him to stop crying. At this point his face was bright red and I was beginning to cry as a result of him being so upset. I didn't know what I had done to cause this, we had gone through our nightly routine like always and he seemed to be fine. I knew L.J. wasn't colicky so I was at a total loss._

_After two hours of walking around the apartment, rocking, changing three diapers and trying unsuccessfully to feed L.J., I broke down and went to Edward's apartment. It was 11:30pm and I knew he'd probably be asleep because he'd called earlier to tell me he had the next three days off._

_I knocked on the door quietly but at that moment L.J. began to wail again so I broke down and banged a little louder. I'm sure that I woke the neighbors up but no one had opened their door yet. Finally, I heard heavy footsteps coming towards the door._

_Edward opened the door and his hair was everywhere and he had on glasses that I didn't know he owned. Honestly he looked like a professor that had just woken up._

"_Hey, what's wrong?"_

"_I don't know. He won't stop crying and now he's gotten himself so worked up that I'm not even sure if he has a fever. I promise I didn't do anything different than normal. Help me, please."_

_He moved to take L.J. from me and told me to come in and closed the door behind me. Edward walked into the living room and laid L.J. down on the sofa._

"_Ok buddy, let's see what's going on with you. Now, I need you to calm down a bit because you have mama really upset." After that Edward unbuttoned L.J.'s pajamas and looked around his diaper for diaper rash, checked his circumcision, looked at his chest and back to make sure there was no rash. He checked for fever and even tried to burp him. All I could do was sit back and watch. Edward was obviously a great doctor and although I'd never seen him in action but it was obvious that he loved what he did._

"_Well, he doesn't have a fever and I don't see any rash….and he doesn't need to burp. What did you have for lunch today?"_

_I just looked at him like he asked me the dumbest question I'd ever heard. "Um, I had a fajita with peppers and onions. L.J. took me to a Mexican restaurant for lunch, a first date if you will."_

_Edward just smiled at me. "Well, he is quite the gentleman isn't he? I think that the onions probably have given L.J. here a little indigestion and it's upsetting his stomach. You pass a lot of stuff through breastmilk so I think that's probably what happened. Let's see if he'll stay calm and maybe rest a bit."_

"_Oh. So I did this to him?" I said in tears_

"_Bella, you can't think like that honey. Yes, the onions are causing an upset tummy but it's not a big deal. It'd be like you or me eating something that gave us indigestion but it hits him a little differently because he's so small."_

"_Ok." I just looked at him with tears rolling down my face. "Well, we'll get out of your way then. I know you've been busy and stuff plus you have your big date is in a couple of days so…yeah, we'll just go."_

_By this time L.J. had stopped crying and was sucking on his little fist. Edward picked him up and walked back to his bedroom and put L.J. on the bed and situated pillows all around him so he couldn't go anywhere. After L.J. was settled and Edward was satisfied he wouldn't roll off the bed he turned around and walked over to me and put his arm around my shoulder. _

"_Pretty girl, you never ever have to worry about coming to me if you need me. I promised you that I was going to be here for you both and I meant it." He pulled me close and I buried my face in his chest. Finally I pulled away and he started leading me to the living room. "Come on, this little guy is drifting off so let's let him catch a snooze."_

_Once we made it to the sofa I just plopped down. "I'm sorry I keep breaking down on you. I hate that I've become so whiney."_

"_You aren't whiney, you are just finally letting people in your life in and we all want to help. I promise I would've been more upset if I'd walked by your door and heard that baby crying and knew you didn't come to me." I nodded and Edward continued. "And about the date, it got pushed off a bit because I ended up picking up a shift this weekend and next weekend Angela is out of town so we are going to do it while your in Forks."_

"_Angela, huh? What's she like?"_

_Edward told me all about Angela and how they met. Turns out one of Emmett's friends had a wacky ex-girlfriend that they ran into on their guy date and Angela was the tag-a-long friend. She sounded very nice from everything Edward said although Rose was less than impressed when she mentioned it last say I was shocked when I found out he had a date would be an understatement, but I told Rose to leave it be, that Edward deserved a nice girl and to have a nice time with her. As Edward went on to explain their common interests I felt myself rest my head on his shoulder and starting to drift off, I wasn't even paying attention to what he was saying. The next thing I knew Edward had picked me up and was walking down the hall._

"_Edward, let me just wake L.J. and we'll head home." I whispered into his neck. _

"_Why don't you and the little guy just rest here a while. I'm going to catch some sleep on my comfy couch, I want y'all to do the same."_

"_Are you sure? I don't want to kick you out of your bed."_

"_I'm sure." He laid me down on the bed and I immediately felt myself drifting back off into dream land. _

"_Sleep tight, sweetheart." Edward whispered and just before I lost all consciousness I thought I heard him say, "I love you both…so much."_

After that things settled down a bit and L.J. and I got into a good routine. I started getting him into a schedule that would ease him into daycare once I go back to work but before I started back fulltime I wanted to go to Forks to visit my family and visit James. Now that I was removed a bit from his death I was ready for the closure I didn't get before because I was still in shock.

Edward offered to drop us off at the airport and after making it through security, changing two diapers and preparing L.J.'s bottle, we were seated on the plane and on our way to Seattle.

We landed a few hours later and I'm happy to report L.J. was a gem and didn't make a peep the entire flight. Dad was waiting for me as we walked out of security and I went straight into his arms. It was one of two places I felt perfectly safe.

"Hi baby girl. How was the flight?"

"Great, he was perfect and everyone around us just ewwwed and ahhhhed."

"He's a champ, wouldn't want to make his mama look bad. Let's hit the road then."

We got to Forks three hours later and we went straight to the Cullen's where L.J. and I would be staying for the short trip. As we pulled in I saw the front door fly open and Alice come running out with Esme and Carlisle not far behind her.

"Where is he?" Alice asked.

"Oh, hi Bella. We're so glad you're here. It's been so long."

"Ha ha, Bella. You know we are glad you're here. Anyway, where is he." And with that L.J. was unstrapped and began being spoiled for the next three days.

On Saturday I asked Esme to watch L.J. while I ran some errands and she happily agreed. She gave me a sad smile before I left the house so I figured she had a hunch as to where I was going.

About 20 minutes later I was sitting on a towel in front of a grave marker with the name James E. Cullen on it. I immediately started crying, it felt like a relief to let it all out.

"I miss you so much, James. You can't imagine how hard it is living our dreams without you. Lucas is perfect, he is going to have your blue eyes and I can tell he'll have your tan skin also. I just wish you could be here to see him.

"You know, I was so mad that you gave up your life for your men but now that I've had some time to think I'm just so proud of you. You know they all got home about a month or so ago and no one else was injured or killed. You saved all those men and I'm so glad you did because I wouldn't want anyone else we know to go through this. I still have my breakdowns but it's not really in front of anyone anymore and it's mostly when I'm really tired.

"I don't know if you can watch over me from up there but if you can't I just want you to know that I had a relatively easy labor and there were no problems. Actually, Edward was there with me…and he did great. Well, for the most part. Mr. Calm and Cool was a mess at first but he got it together. If you couldn't be there with me then I'm glad he was. I really hope you can see the beautiful son you helped make though. James, he's perfect. He's going to be so handsome like you, and I tell him about you every day. I want him to know who his father was and how proud he should be of you. Edward gave me a picture frame and I have your picture in it and I show L.J. every night. Edward tells him all about you too. I caught him telling college stories just last week and told him that if L.J. turns into a hellion then I'm blaming him.

I'm so lucky Edward has been there. Your family and Rose and Emmett have been great but having someone like Edward with me the entire time has been fantastic. He's actually going on a date tonight with a girl he met at a bar with Emmett. When he told me I think he was nervous because he just spit it out so fast that I couldn't understand what he was saying. I don't know why he was nervous, I just want him to find what you and I had. Plus, he's a good stand-in dad for you...so I have to stay on his good side because I'm sure he's going to meet a woman one day and I'll lose him too. And, I don't want to lose anyone else." I took a deep breath and sat there for a few more minutes just mumbling and telling James stupid things. After a while I sighed and began to say my goodbye. "Ok, I need to get back to L.J. and get our stuff packed up. We are heading back to Nashville in the morning. I love you so much and always will. You forever have a piece of my heart just as I will forever have a piece of you. Please watch over us…right now I need all the help I can get."

I lay the flowers I brought with me on top of the marker and turned to leave. Walking down the hill towards my car I looked up and saw my dad standing there. I walked straight over to him and immediately wrapped my arms around him.

"Oh, baby. I know it's hard. I don't know how to make it better for you but I'm so proud of how strong you are being…for both you and L.J."

"I don't know what the right things to do are. Is it too soon to be telling L.J. about his daddy, will he even remember? What do I say when he asks where daddy is? And what about me, am I supposed to be alone forever?"

"No, honey. No one wants you to be alone…not even the Cullen's. We just want you both to be happy and if that means finding someone to be with, then so be it. One day you'll want to share your life with someone and you'll want L.J. to have a good, male influence although I have my suspicions that he already has one."

"But you didn't find anyone after mama died. Plus if you are talking about Edward he has a date tonight. What happens when some girl takes him out of our lives?" I pulled away and looked up at my dad after I said this.

"Oh Bella, that boy will always be in your lives. And in regards to your mother, that was by choice…and I wouldn't have been opposed to it, it was just that no one came along that ever caught my eye like that. Plus you were so much older than L.J. so I didn't worry about finding someone to help me raise you."

We just stood there for a few minutes and then my dad spoke again. "Bella, I know James would want you to move on with your life and be happy. If you find someone worth doing that with, and it's been the right amount of time for you, don't be afraid to say yes. And no one can tell you what the right amount of time is, only you will know that."

"I know, daddy but I just can't even think about that yet. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about James." Before I kept talking I looked back at James's grave and then turned back to my dad, "I love you so much, thank you for coming here. It's getting a little cold so let's get going, and I need to get packed. You're still taking us to the airport tomorrow, right?"

"Absolutely, gotta make sure my babies get to Sea-Tac safe and sound!"

**Edward**

When I asked Angela out I thought it would be a good way to try to get past my feelings for Bella and I really hit it off with her the night Emmett and I went out. I didn't do it to use her, that wasn't my intention at all, I asked Angela out because she is the type of girl I see myself with and I wanted to get to know her better. Little did I know that it would take four weeks for us to actually go on a date but tonight was that night. I wish I could say I was excited but in the back of my mind all I could think about was what Bella was doing in Forks. I hope she was having a good visit with her family and James's family.

I got myself dressed in record time and was out the door to go pick up Angela. She lived downtown in a condo so she said I could just park at her building and walk to dinner. We had decided that we'd eat at a Thai restaurant we both liked and then would go see who was playing at Tootsie's. We figured it was early enough that the bars wouldn't be packed yet.

Twenty minutes later I was buzzed into Angela's building and she met me in the lobby. We walked to the restaurant, got a table and then began talking. I see now how it can be easier to just answer a bunch of pre-determined questions and let the computer do all the work.

"So, tell me about growing up in Seattle?" Angela was outgoing and I liked that, she made it easy for me to get into the conversation.

"Ha. I'd love to say it was great but it wasn't. Seattle is a great town but I grew up in a small suburb so I didn't spend a lot of time in the city. Plus, I like to refer to those years as the "dark years" because I was a total dork. I know that may seem like a stretch but I mean D-O-R-K with half inch thick glasses"

Angela started laughing, I think she must've thought I was joking. "Oh Edward, I just can't believe that. You were such a smooth talker at the bar that I can't even imagine you being a dork. And to be honest I can't imagine you with glasses either."

"Let me assure you that was the best word to describe it. I had coke bottle thick tortoise shell glasses, crazy hair that you can see hasn't really changed much, and I was tall and lanky like a cross-country runner. It was awful. My mom and dad were so supportive though that I think at the time I didn't really know I was a dork…but looking back that's exactly what I was."

"Tell me about your parents."

"Well, my mom is a sweetheart and besides Bella she is the strongest woman I know. My dad passed away from cancer when I was 15 and she worked a full-time job all while taking care of me. She was always in my life, she was there for Mathletes and all the other nerdy things I did. But most of all she was there for me when I was struggling with medical school and worried about paying the bills and she really helped me out. Plus she was having to do the job of two parents all by herself. I have a whole new respect for single moms."

"I bet you do. "

"Yeah, when Bella told me she was pregnant and was going to be alone my heart broke because I knew how hard it was for my mother. Bella is tough though and now that L.J. is here she is doing a great job. She's going back to work soon and I know it's worrying her but I'm going to try to help her out any way I can. And L.J. is just perfect. He's probably the cutest baby I've ever seen and he's getting more and more personality every day."

"Is Bella your sister?" Angela asked, I forgot that she had no idea who Bella was.

"No." I thought about it for a few seconds before I answered. "She's my best friend. Her husband was my best friend in undergrad at Virginia Tech, he really helped me break out of my dorky shell. Anyway, he was a Officer in the Army and was killed about six months ago in Afghanistan by a roadside bomber. Bella is a trooper, she's dealt with his death and funeral and everything all while pregnant. She actually just had L.J. about two months ago and she didn't have anyone to stay with her while she gave birth so I was there. It was amazing."

"Wow, that's tragic. And it's great that you are so close to her, she must feel so lucky to have you in her life. You obviously spend a lot of time with them."

I grinned at the thought of seeing them often and immediately my mind went to the fact that being away from them for so long was hard. At least when she's in town I knew she was six doors down and I could walk down the hall if I wanted to. "Yeah, I do. It was amazing to be with her when he was born. A true miracle, you know? Then a couple of weeks after that I took some vacation time to stay with her and help her out with him. She moved into my apartment building so we see each other quite a bit. Ha, this is funny…she actually came by around 11:30pm the other night because L.J. was really upset and all red from crying so much and Bella was worked and didn't know what to do. Really he just had indigestion from something she ate."

"You used up your vacation days to just stay with Bella to help out with her baby? And she's got a doctor that is on-call for her 24 hours a day? Does she know how lucky she is?"

I'm smiled because I knew she did. "I'm sure she does. She's so kind and sweet that wanting to be there for them just comes naturally." I looked up at Angela and she gave me an odd look. It actually reminded me of the one Lauren gave me when we met up after James was killed.

"Edward, I'm probably stepping over some major boundaries right now but you do know you're love with her, right?" I felt my eyes going wide and I started shaking my head vehemently.

"No. No, I'm not. She's my best friend and I'm helping her like any friend would help another. I'm here with you and really looking forward to a fun evening. I had such a nice time talking to you the other night and I'm right where I want to be."

Angela smiled at me and tilted her head as if she were trying to read my mind. "No Edward, you're not but I appreciate that you think you are. And you are in love with her, there is no denying it. I completely understand why, she seems to be a nice person with a beautiful little boy that you obviously think the world of. I would venture to guess that she knows just how lucky she is. And I truly believe you had the best of intentions tonight but you know what road is paved with good intentions, right?"

I just sighed and dropped my head. At this point I didn't know what to say to her, I already looked like a total asshole and I didn't mean to at all. What kind of shitty date has this turned into, I felt so bad that I didn't even want to look at Angela.

I felt Angela's hand on top of mine and then she began to speak. "Edward, I don't fault you. And I'm really looking forward to finishing up dinner and going to catch some of the live acts around the city. And who knows, maybe one day I'll get to meet Bella and I'd like that because she sounds like someone I'd really like."

"Ugh. Angela, I'm sorry...so sorry. I really thought that these feelings may just be a passing thing because I was the person that swooped in to save the day. Plus, you and I hit it off so well when we met that I really did want to take you out and have a good time. You are so nice and I would never want to hurt your feelings, I promise I didn't ask you out thinking that."

She laughed before answering, "I promise you're not hurting my feelings. I think I'd be more upset if we got anymore involved and you were feeling this way. Plus, I can see that you are a good guy and good for Bella and she and her little boy are probably just as good for you. Anyway, let's finish up and go listen to some budding country artists, I'm looking forward to a few beers."

With that Angela and I finished up our meal, I paid and left the tip and then we headed to Tootsies... and just like we thought it wasn't crowded at all. She and I sat a table in the corner and critiqued the two singers we heard. About halfway through the night I caught sight of one of my co-workers from the hospital, Ben Cheney. I invited he and his friend, Mike, over to join us and we all stayed there the rest of the night. By the end of the evening, Angela and Ben were chatting up a storm about Texas as they were both from the Dallas area. After seeing the way they were both looking at each other and so completely wrapped up in the conversation I had a sneaking suspicion that Ben would be seeing Angela again. And that she'd be taken on the type of first date she deserved. If that was the case then the "disaster date that never was" was completely worth it.

I walked Angela back to her building, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and thanked her for being so understanding. As I was driving back to my apartment all I could think about was the fact that I'd be picking Bella and L.J. up from the airport in less than 18 hours and I couldn't wait to see either one.


	19. Chapter 19

AN: A quick note to say thank you for all the reviews from last chapter, I'm so happy to read what everyone thinks...and overall you all liked the chapter and are back on the Edward train.

Not a lot to say, this chapter will round out our week and I'll have another chapter up on Monday.

Also, please let me know if anyone rec's my story so I can thank them. You all have been so kind to me so far and made my "writing" journey fun!

Chapter 19

**Bella**

The trip back to Nashville was a bit exhausting mostly because I was hot, toting a three month old through multiple airports, and I was sad to be leaving. I never in a million years thought that I'd be sad to leave Forks but this trip I was. It really felt like every time I left I was leaving James behind. This time was better than last though because I finally had some closure and got an opportunity to say my peace. I'm hoping with every trip back to Nashville things will get a little easier.

I miss James every day but I know that he would want me to keep living life, if not for me then for L.J. He'd never want either of us to suffer because of him and I made a vow to use this trip as a catalyst to get back to living. I don't think I'll be running out and dating every man I see but I can see that in the future, when I feel like the time is right, finding someone to be with may not be as foreign as I originally thought. That being said, I don't think I'm anywhere near ready to look at a man that way right now and don't know when I will be.

I was jolted out of my thoughts by the plane touching down in Nashville and after taxing from the next county over we finally pulled up to the gate. Luckily, I was on an aisle seat so I got our bags with a bit of help from the man sitting behind me, picked up the car seat from the jet way and was on my way. As I walked through the gate area a smile slowly crept onto my face and once I made it past all the TSA agents I pulled my head up and started looking around. Finally I found what I was looking for.

"Hey, pretty girl. Long time, no see. How was your trip?"

"Edward. I'm so glad to be home." I let him wrap his arms around us and when he let go he moved to take L.J. from my arms and I happily handed him over….he was getting heavy. "Forks was good but I'm glad to be home and ready to get back to reality."

"Yeah, work on Tuesday right? Are you taking L.J. to daycare then?" He asked as we were making our way outside and I nodded. I caught a woman off to the right eyeing Edward like a piece of meat. I guess there is something to be said about a good-looking guy holding a baby like he was the only thing in the world. Edward was a natural and was super protective of L.J. when he had him so of course he'd make the ladies swoon.

"I think it's good that I'm working again. I mean I love being at home with L.J. but being a full-time mom isn't an option for me so I might as well get us both into our normal routine."

"Bella, do you want to be a full-time mom? I'm sure the Cullen's would be happy to help you with that. And I can help."

"No, absolutely not. You're right Edward, I'm sure they would help but I need to start doing this stuff on my own. I went to James's grave when I was home and sat there for a long time just talking to him and I decided it's time to start living again. It's not like I've been sitting around and moping, but I know that James would want me to be happy and live a full life so that's what I'm going to start doing. I don't want L.J. to miss out on anything because his mother wasn't strong enough to keep going."

We made it to Edward's car then and he got L.J. situated in the back of the car and I got in the passenger side. Once Edward was in he started the car and we were off.

"Bella, you know no one thinks you are letting L.J. down in the least bit. You've been so strong for everyone and with everything you've been through we understand if it takes you a bit to get back into the swing of things. Don't rush anything."

"I know. And you're right, I'm not going to rush anything, I mean it's not like I'm going to run out and try to find a daddy for L.J. but I also don't want to be mopey. I want to take L.J. to the park and have him experience all kinds of things and that's what I'm going to do." I noticed after that last comment that Edward was grabbing the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles were turning white. "Edward, are you ok?"

"What? Oh yeah. It's just been a long weekend. Sorry." He took a deep breath and loosened his hands. "Anyway, you ready to get back to work?"

"Yeah, I am. I just hope Seth doesn't come around, I really want him to be able to play baseball this year. But enough about me, how was your date with the elusive Angela?"

"Ha, funny story actually. We went out for dinner and were talking and getting to know each other and I think we both realized at the same time that maybe this wasn't going any further than friendship. It was nothing major, she's a sweet girl and we have a lot in common but we both realized that was about it. Anyway, we went to hear some music at Tootsie's and ran into my co-worker, Ben Cheney, and he and Angela totally hit it off."

"What, she totally picked up another guy in front of you? And it's a friend of yours? That's so crappy. Oh, by the way I'm really trying to watch my mouth."

"No, she didn't pick up another guy in front of me. We ran into Ben at Tootsies, he was there with a buddy of his and we all started talking and I could see that they really hit it off. Don't worry, she's wasn't doing anything wrong. Actually, I think you'd really like her and she did tell me she loves babies and would love to meet you and L.J. Plus, I just don't think I have time to do the dating thing right now so I don't plan on going through that whole circus again so it's good that Angela met Ben."

In my mind I was still pissed that this girl totally picked up another guy, a friend of Edward's no less, right in front of him. Who does that? "Mmmmmhmmmmm."

We made our way to the apartment and Edward helped me get everything to my place and then we decided to order pizza and pig out.

After a long day and a fun evening with Edward I put L.J. down and made my way to bed. Sleep was so much fun now that I was getting at least 8 hours a night. My little guy was a good sleeper and that made his mama very happy. And as the saying goes, 'if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy'.

Monday flew by with me running errands and getting L.J. ready for his pre-school, if you can even call it that. I didn't think I was going to have a super long time when I dropped him off but I wanted to make it as easy on him as possible. Plus, I was going to be pumping during the day and had to get all that gear put together. What a pain.

Finally Tuesday was here and I was off to drop L.J. at daycare and then head back to work. Edward offered to drive me since he was working then too but I told him I'd just go on my own.

As I thought, dropping L.J. off wasn't so bad. He's a laid back baby and even had a big smile on his face when I handed him to his "teacher", Ms. Weber. I introduced myself as Isabella in hopes that it would make me sound tough, I mean this woman was going to have my baby all day long. Angela was in her twenties and made me feel very comfortable when I left him there. I had been given the tour when I first went to check the place out but hadn't met Ms. Weber at that time but after meeting her this morning I was very happy with what I saw.

The first few hours of work flew by and things were going great until I was told of an admittance coming up that I'd be assigned to. "Seth Clearwater will be up in about 90 minutes, Bella. When he gets here will you check on him right away?", the charge nurse said. I just nodded to answer her question and told her I was going to take my break so I could be back when he arrived. I ran to the stairwell and started walking downstairs; on the fifth stair I felt the tears rolling down my face. Finally, I got to my destination.

"Hello." I said, trying to smile but failing miserably. "Can you tell me if Dr. Masen is available?" I spoke while I was furiously wiping my tears away.

"Let me page him dear, I think I saw him walking towards the snack room a bit ago. It's Bella, right? I remember from a few months ago." I just nodded. The nice lady hit a few buttons and then looked back up to me. "There, I just paged him. I'm Sally by the way."

I gave her a sad smile and officially introduced myself. Just as I said my name was Bella her phone rang. "Hello? Yes, Dr. Masen there is a nurse up here asking to for you and if you have time I think she'd like to see you. No...Yes...Ok." She hung up the phone and looked back at me. "He'll be right up dear. In the mean time, can I get you something to drink? Are you ok?"

"No, I'm fine. Thank you. I'm just upset about an admittance we are about to get." I started crying when I said that. "I'm sorry to come down here so upset."

"Bella? What's wrong sweetheart?" Edward said as he came rushing out of the door behind Sally. "Is something going on with L.J.? Is he not doing well at daycare?"

"No, he's f..fine. I just was told that Seth was being admitted and I'm upset."

Edward walked up to me and pulled me into a tight hug. I felt his breath on my hair and I melted into his arms and just let him give me the strength I needed.

"Did they say what he's being admitted for?" I just shook my head. "Bella, could you be over-reacting a bit. I mean, it's been a while since Seth has been in and he's probably here for some tests to give him the all clear to get on with things…..like playing little league." Edward said the last part with a goofy grin on his face.

I just stood there and felt like an idiot. I knew what testing they did on leukemia patients to put them officially in remission and I knew Seth's doctor liked to keep his patients over night. At this point I was becoming completely embarrassed.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. You are probably right. Oh, God…I'm such an idiot." I turned to Sally. "I'm so sorry but I think I wasted everyone's time. I….I need to go back upstairs."

I turned to walk away but Edward grabbed my arm. "Bella, don't ever apologize for coming down here. Never. Ok?" I just nodded and Edward looked at me and then gave me a crooked smiled. "And tell Seth to kick ass this season." I smiled and turned towards the stairs.

Just before opening the door I turned back to Edward and said, "Don't tell Rose or Emmett about this. I think I'm just hormonal and I don't want anyone to know. And you need to watch your mouth around my son."

"Will do, pretty girl. Now get that rear end back upstairs."

**Edward**

I turned towards Sally and just smiled because I really didn't know what to say to Bella's reactions. It's clear that her hormones are still completely out of wack but I don't think it's very appropriate to say that out loud. Plus, I don't want an ass kicking from an old lady this afternoon.

"You have your hands full with that one, don't you?" I smiled because Sally was right.

"Yeah, you have no idea." Then I lowered my voice and whispered the next part. "She's all over the place, crying one minute and laughing the next. I really thought this was supposed to clear up after the first few weeks."

"Oh Edward, believe me when I tell you that men know nothing. Even hot shot doctors that sew people up for a living." I gave her an evil look but she just kept on going. "Bella still has a lot of hormones pumping through her body and she's adjusting to a whole new world, one that she's handling all by herself. And I'm taking a wild guess here that her son is at daycare for the first time today?" I nodded. "I thought so. Plus this little boy that she adores is being admitted and it just scares her. I'm sure she's afraid of losing more people in her life."

I took a deep breath and let it out. Sally was right, poor Bella is just adjusting and getting used to everything. I know she's got a million things going through her mind and hearing about Seth just scared her.

"Anyway, how are you doing with the little one.? I bet that little boy has you wrapped around his finger…much like his mother does."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. L.J. is great and is growing like a weed. He's holding his head up and is almost rolling over. I think I'm going to see if Bella will let me take him out for boy's night out when he gets a little older."

"I'm sure she'd love the free time. I remember when I had little ones the hardest thing in the world was finding time to clean the house." Sally was like the surgical floor mother figure. We all loved her and she treated those of us she liked really well, luckily I was on that list.

"Ok Sally, I'm off to get some rest. Let me know if there are anymore upset nurses that come searching for me."

"Go on, get some rest. I'll hold down the fort here." She smiled and I walked off. "Oh, Edward." She said and I turned around. "Just an observation, you do know you are in love with her, right?"

"Heavens, why does everyone keep saying that. Yes, I know. What am I going to do though, she's still mourning the loss of her husband." I said and I was a bit flustered.

"I know and there's no rush. I just wanted to make sure that you where aware. Ok then, on with your day." And away I went because I had been properly dismissed.

These feelings for Bella were not keeping themselves hidden very well but I didn't know what to do about it. I was trying really hard to keep things from Bella because I didn't want her to get weird on me and I really didn't want her to keep me from seeing L.J. Good Lord, I sound like a father in the midst of a custody battle.

To make matters even worse, I had Emmett giving me shit every chance he got. I remember our conversation when we went to dinner the night before the big date. Lucky for me Rose was with us.

"_You're a jackass, what are you doing going on a date?" Rose asked with her usual snarkiness._

"_Rose, Angela is a really nice girl. She works in a day care and takes care of kids all day. We have a lot in common and I thought it'd be a nice evening out." Rose just rolled her eyes. "Ask Emmett, she's a nice girl."_

_Emmett nodded and was about to speak but Rose cut him off. "What about Bella, you're in love with her…and that little boy too. You're going to lead this poor girl on and you'll lose Bella and L.J. Think Eduardo, think." _

"_Are you kidding me? You think I'm in love with her? She's my dead best friend's widow and has a new born. This does not fall under the category of "prime dating material". I like Angela and think she's someone I could have a good time with." Then I took a large, well several large, sips of beer._

"_Fine, I'll give you that about being James's widow. But Edward, you know it, I know it, even aloof over here knows it…." I looked at Emmett and he was looking at his beer like it was magically refilling on its own. "You are totally, head over heels, in love with her. You can fight it all you want and that's fine because she's nowhere near ready to date but I'm telling you, you can't hide from me. Just don't screw this other girl over."_

_I opened my mouth to argue with Rose but right then Emmett decided to open his big mouth. "Yeah man, she's not a nut job like Jessica so just be nice to her. Plus, Rosie gave me hell about 'letting' you ask someone else out…please don't make the shit I've dealt with from Rose be for naught. She hits like a man, you should have seen the bruise I had on my arm." _

After that we did have a nice dinner, well as nice as it could be with Rose bitching about all the skanky girls at the restaurant that were just there to pick up men. When she went to the bathroom Emmett told me that she'd really been struggling with growing out of her clothes and that she sees all these women in their tight clothes and comes close to losing her mind. I just laughed.

After that night I went out with Angela, she also told me I was in love with Bella and she met Ben so it all worked out. It seems like everyone can see my feelings and that's a bit daunting.

I worked the rest of my shift and it wasn't too busy so I found myself thinking about Bella and Seth and what was going on there. I really hoped that kid got to play baseball this year and maybe I'd get to see a game or two. Finally, I headed home around 8pm and called Bella on my way. She told me I was right about Seth and everything was fine and that she'd met the famous "Uncle Jake" and apparently if Seth got any of his genes he'd be a beast of an athlete. We chatted a bit about L.J. and how his first day went and how much Bella liked his daycare 'teacher'. I was on the list to be allowed to pick up L.J. so I was hoping to meet her and give her my stamp of approval as well. We hung up and decided we'd grab lunch sometime this weekend and if the weather was warm, we'd take L.J. to the park and see if Emmett and Rose wanted to go. Even though it was mid-May we still had some unseasonably cool days here and I know Bella was worried about keeping the little guy warm.

After the call I decided to take a shower and relax a bit since I had to work the next day also. It had been a long day and somewhat emotional with seeing Bella in tears. I knew I was treading into deep waters with my feelings for Bella and what her emotions did to me was just another nail in the coffin but I also knew these feelings weren't going anywhere so I was just going to have to wait it out until Bella was ready. I only hope my time frame was measured in months as opposed to years.


	20. Chapter 20

AN: I hope you all had a nice weekend...it was dreary here but we all made it through.

Thank you to all my reviewers last chapter! I think I replied to you all but if I missed you, I'm so sorry...don't give up on me though.

Things are moving along for our characters here...I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 20

Bella

The summer had flown by this year and I wasn't surprised at all...we'd had a lot of changes over the summer that kept us busy and always on the go.

Carlisle and Esme were coming to visit and look for a "vacation home" since Alice and Jasper moved here over the summer. They both found teaching jobs in the area, Jasper at Vanderbilt and Alice at a Brentwood elementary school. They got here as soon as they could find a home to buy and could get their apartment packed up.

Another positive in my life is that I made a new friend, Angela Weber. Angela is "the Angela" that Edward had a date with but it also turned out that she was L.J.'s teacher. I remember finding that out and laughed.

_It was Wednesday and I was working but Edward wasn't. Edward had talked to me over the weekend and asked if he could pick up L.J. a little early on the days he wasn't working and I was so he could take him to the park so he got some fresh air. I trusted Edward with everything so of course I said yes. _

_I walked into the daycare center with L.J. and his bag of stuff and told Ms. Weber that I wouldn't be picking him up today. _

"_My friend, Edward Masen is going to be picking him up around 3pm today, he's on the approved list. Apparently they are having a guys afternoon."_

_Angela's eyes got wide and she tilted her head to the side. "You're Bella? Edward's Bella?" I'm sure I looked at her like I was totally confused, which I was. "I went out with Edward a few weeks ago. I'm actually seeing a friend of his, Ben. They work together."_

"_Holy shit." I immediately slapped my hand over my mouth. "Sorry. I need to work on that. Edward told me about you and that he had a good time when y'all went out. It's good to finally meet you." Holy smokes, L.J.'s teacher is the girl that ditched Edward. Ok, so that's not how it happened but I don't want anyone to hurt Edward's feelings. _

_Angela was smiling so big I thought her face was going to spilt in two. "He told me all about you and your son...who I now know is Lucas. I know he loves that little boy a ton, L.J is a lucky little guy." I just nodded. "Ok, so Edward will be here around 3pm? I'll be sure to have him ready then."_

"_Thanks. And great to meet you. I don't know Ben but I'd love to meet him sometime, maybe we can all grab dinner sometime."_

"_That sounds great, I feel like I know you already but I'm sure there has to be something Edward doesn't know." _

"_Oh, I'm sure there is. Ok, see you tomorrow Angela…Ms. Weber."_

"_Call me Angela."_

And that was beginning of a great friendship. I was completely wrong about Angela, she didn't hurt Edward's feelings at all. I think he was so happy that she met Ben because they were perfect for each other. Both a little nerdy yet really nice. We've all gone to dinner a few times and to the park once. I even introduced her to Rose and they totally hit it off.

Another big part of the summer was going to Seth's baseball games. He did get to play and he was out there totally rocking it at second base. It turns out that Seth has quite the talent for athletics and since he's doing great with being in remission he can play just about any sport although his mom has forbid him from playing football. L.J. and I tried to go to at least one of Seth's game each week but sometimes that didn't work out. Regardless, we did make it to quite a few and I have gotten to know Leah better and even good old Uncle Jake.

Uncle Jake, or Jake Black as I know now, is a huge part of Seth's life. It was similar to the relationship Edward has with L.J. Jake is super supportive of Seth since Leah is his sister and he tries to help out as much as possible. It turns out that Leah's husband was killed in a car accident when Seth was two years old and Jake has really stepped up to help out. He works in Franklin and tries to get to see Seth as often as possible. When Seth was cleared for sports Jake bought him a glove and a case of baseballs and taught him all about the game and how to play it as opposed to just watching it. He did a great job because Seth was awesome.

Jake also was someone I could talk to. I loved Edward, Rose, Emmett and the Cullen's but sometimes it was just nice to talk to someone that didn't know anything about me. He was completely objective and even listened to all my parenting woes. I'm sure he'd heard it all before from Leah and that had made him a great listener.

One night about a week ago Jake walked me to my car and asked if I'd like to go to dinner sometime but I told him I didn't think so. He just said no problem…too soon, I know. But I'm going to get you out one night. I felt guilty even having been asked out although I didn't initiate anything. I know it's almost been a year since James's death but I wasn't ready yet. Who knew if I ever would be.

Of course with the summer brought more milestones for L.J. Babbling, rolling over, sitting up and finally crawling and pulling up on things. I swear, I thought I was busy before but no way, when a baby becomes mobile things get a little hairy. Poor Edward has been going crazy with the safety gates and cabinet locks. There are locks on all my cabinets and his as well as this like fence thing setup in his living room that he can put L.J. in and let him crawl around without really getting into anything. There were a few times that he hit his head on the corners of things but nothing serious..just baby bumps. I think when it happened under Edward's watch he freaked out but he never told me, I found out through Rose.

"_So, how's Lucas?" Rose asked._

"_Fine. Why?" _

"_Oh, ummmm…." _

"_Rose, you better spit it out." I said in a serious tone._

"_Well, while Edward had him yesterday he and Emmett took Lucas to the park and I think he fell off a little baby swing. Emmett said he was fine, that it just scared him but apparently Edward lost his mind."_

"_What do you mean? Edward has seen L.J. fall before and he's been fine."_

"_Yeah, but I think that this time Lucas started screaming and that really got Edward upset. He actually called his supervisor, Dr. Sutherland I think, to tell him what happened and ask if he should take him to the E.R. Apparently the doctor said if the bump goes out then Lucas is fine…it's when there is an indention that you have to worry. Of course Emmett also said that since it was two guys holding a screaming baby that they got a lot of dirty looks from the moms at the park. After that they decided Lucas needed a little air conditioning and they needed a beer."_

"_Are you kidding me? Edward is a mess, I swear. He doesn't get it, I trust him with my life and my son's but he gets so worked up. Maybe I should give him the book "What to Expect in the First Year", it may help his anxiety."_

_After that Rose and I both laughed as she told me about Emmett's last day with his soldiers and the party they were throwing him when he gets out._

Rose had given birth about six weeks ago after being about a week late. The labor was easy and Emmett stayed upright the entire time. As I predicted, they did have a little girl and named her Olivia Grace. Rose and I were planning the wedding already. I tried to go see Rose and Livy as much as possible and we loved watching L.J. interact with Livy but I still felt like I should be doing more because Rose was so good to me when L.J. was born.

One night about a week before Labor Day Rose and I had dinner out for the first time in months. Emmett was watching Livy with Edward while he was keeping L.J. I let it slip that Jake had asked me to dinner but that I wasn't ready to go on a date yet. She told me that whenever I was ready everyone would be supportive. She even mentioned that I should ask Edward to babysit as she was sure he would love it. After all, he did love his time with L.J. It still amazed me how much Rose and Edward hit it off…I mean yeah, they still bickered but it was like a brother/sister thing and Emmett and I loved every minute of it.

Overall it was a great summer and I couldn't ask for a better group of friends. Labor Day brought the beginning of the fall and the reminder of what happened almost a year ago. I didn't know how I would handle the anniversary of James's death but I promised myself that I'd try to be strong but at the same time never forget what James's gave for me and our country to continue to be free and safe.

**Edward**

I couldn't believe it was already Fall and we were starting to wear sweaters and stuff again. This summer had not only been hot but it had been one of the best in my life.

First, I talked Bella into letting me pick up L.J. early on the days I wasn't working and I got to spend a lot of time with him. I remember the first time I went to get him and met his teacher:

_I opened the door to the daycare center and was greeted with bright colors and a young girl sitting at the front desk._

"_Hi, I'm here to pick up Lucas Cullen, I'm Edward Masen." _

"_Yes, Ms. Cullen let us know you'd be getting him. Let me go tell Angela you're here." After that the girl got up and went into the back. About five minutes later a familiar face walked towards the front with my favorite guy in her arms._

"_Angela?" I said with a shocked look on my face but noticed that she just had a smug look on hers._

"_Hey, Edward. Small world, huh? Bella told me this morning that you were picking Lucas up and I couldn't believe it." Angela's smug look had turned into a sweet smile. "She's really wonderful, Edward. Now that I've known her a while I see why you are waiting for her."_

_I looked at down at my shoes because I knew my face was beet red. Finally I looked up at Angela and began speaking. "Yeah, she's the best and she's such a good mom to L.J., just last week I came home from work and checked in on them and she was reading the newspaper to him. She said that her mother-in-law told her it didn't matter what you read, just that you read to babies. But, she wouldn't read the negative stories, only positive ones." I realized then that I had been talking a little too much. "Anyway, L.J. and I have a date so we better get going." _

_Angela handed over L.J. and gave me a huge smile. "You're a natural, Edward. She's so lucky to have you in her life and I really hope you get what you want." I just nodded and turned to leave._

_L.J. and I made our way to the park around the corner from the apartment and we sat in the shade and watched all the other little kids playing._

"_L.J. you are going to get to play on all that fun stuff one day. Maybe this summer we can put you on the swing a bit and you can pretend like you are flying. We won't tell your mama though, I don't think she'd like it to much. She is such a good mama, she keeps you safe and takes good care of you." I saw that L.J. was looking at me with his huge blue eyes so I kept talking because it appeared as though he was enjoying our conversation. "You know, I still love your mommy. I know we talked about it before and nothing has changed. I just want to make sure she's ready to date again when I finally get up the nerve to ask her out. You see, I never want her to forget about your daddy because he was such a good man, treated her well and I know he loved her so very much…and he loves you too. But, I want to be able to take care of the both of you from now on and make sure you are safe and happy." L.J. gave me a big, gummy grin after I said that so I took it as a good sign. _

_We sat at the park for a bit longer before we made our way home. Bella still had an hour or so of work but L.J. was hungry so we went to eat. I loved this little boy like he was mine and nothing would ever change that. He may not have my blood but when I look at him all I can think is "mine"._

Yes, that was definitely one of the best parts of summer. L.J. was changing every day and I was right there to see it all.

It was also fun to see Rose and Emmett with they're new baby Livy Grace. She was a cutie and I could already tell she was going to be as gorgeous as Rose. Emmett would have his hands full with that little girl.

And of course the addition of Alice and Jasper to our group only added to the excitement of all getting together weekly for dinners and to watch the kids. My bet was that Alice and Jasper would have baby news of their own within the next 12 months.

Unfortunately, as summer came to an end Bella was jolted back into the reality of what the season brought. I had talked to her a bit about what she wanted to do for the one year anniversary of James's death and she told me all she wanted to do was spend the day with L.J. and tell him all about his daddy. James must've been looking out for us because October 17th came around it was unseasonably warm and not a cloud in the sky. I called Bella that afternoon to check in on her and although she wasn't as upbeat as normal she also didn't sound terrible. I think Lucas James really helped keep her busy.

Finally the day passed and I told Bella we should all go out to dinner to celebrate the good things in our lives. We made a reservation at Big River, Rose and Bella's favorite, and decided it would be the first of many annual dinners in honor of James.

I picked Bella and L.J. up, well I walked down the hall and knocked on their door, and we met up with all the others at the restaurant. Everything was going great until I heard something that made my blood go ice cold and I'm sure my face lost all color.

"So Bella, when is your date with Jake?" Alice asked. I immediately looked up at Rose, who was sittig across from me, but she was looking at Alice with her mouth hanging open. I looked over to Emmett who obviously had no idea what Alice was talking about.

"Oh…um. I told him to give me a couple of weeks so I guess we decided on the first Friday in November if I can find a babysitter." She gave me a quick glance at that point so I gave her a quick smiled. "Edward, do you think you'll have to work? I know you are usually off on Fridays now so I thought maybe you would watch him for me?"

I kept looking at Bella but saw Rose's blonde hair whip around out of the corner of my eye but I chose to ignore her. "Sure, I'd love to." Was all I said. What was I supposed to say, 'No I won't because I don't' want you to go out with Uncle Jake, I want you to go out with me'. Doubtful.

After that Alice picked up the conversation and was talking all about Bella's date and what she should wear and did she know what they were doing. Emmett and Rose were acting as though they were listening but they both kept glancing at me like I was about to lose my mind, they weren't so far off. Rose caught my attention once and mouthed "Don't lose hope" but how could I not. Bella had finally felt as though she could go out on a date and I hadn't been the one to ask her out. I just nodded at Rose and went back to eating. L.J. must've known that I wan't doing well because out of nowhere he started wailing. Since he was sitting next to me I turned to him and reached to pick him up out of the high chair.

"Come on buddy, nothing to get worked up about." I was just putting him on my lap when he turned to me and said something I never expected to hear.

"Da." Oh holy cow. "Da. Da. Da." He just kept smiling with a huge grin on his face. I turned towards the rest of the table and took I all their faces. Rose had a huge grin on her face and Emmett was just shaking his head and chuckling, Alice and Jasper both looked like they were going to pass out and when I looked at Bella my heart was hammering away because I saw that she had tears running down her face.

"What did you say, baby?" Bella asked. "Can you say it again?"

L.J. turned towards me and smacked me on the cheek. "Da."

I looked back at Bella and she had a huge grin on her face. "L.J. you are so smart, your first word and we all got to hear it."

I just bent down, gave L.J. a kiss on the forehead and whispered in his ear, "You saved me, Buddy. I really appreciate you changing the subject and I promise, I'll be the best da in the world." I lifted my head back up and patted L.J. on the back.

"Da." And with that the table busted out laughing. I just looked at Bella and shrugged and she gave me a huge smile.


	21. Chapter 21

AN: You guys had me in stitches with all your reviews...very passionate. All I will say is keep in mind that Bella is walking a path she's never walked before.

Ok, I couldn't keep this from y'all so you are getting three updates this week. The one yesterday, one today and probably one on Friday. That wipes me out of my 'banked' chapters so I have to try to get a lot of writing done this week. Next week you'll probably be back to just 2 updates.

Now, about this chapter. The first time I wrote this chapter was the day after I went to see Kid Rock in concert...yeah, I know I'm not a good writer but my thoughts were scribble scrabble. The second time I worked on this chapter was last night and finally did some more changes this morning. So, if you see any errors...please tell me. At this point my head is swimming and I just wanted to get this to y'all.

Enjoy.

**Chapter 21**

**Bella**

Today was the big day, or night I guess, date night. I have prayed and prayed that I'm doing the right thing but at the end of the day I decided to take my dad's advice about knowing when it was the right time and I felt like now was the right time. James has been gone for a year and if I'm uncertain about everything else, I do know he would want me to be happy. The problem was that throughout the weeks leading up to the date I've become less and less excited. Jake is a very nice guy and someone I'd like to have in my life but not someone I want to be with permanently. When I close my eyes he's not who I picture standing with me while we watch our kids head off to college or rocking on the front porch. That person has no face but I just know it's not Jake.

Although my head was a jumbled up mess I decided that going on the date would be good for me and I needed to do it. A few days ago I had a visit from Jasper that only solidified my feelings on the matter.

_I wasn't expecting anyone to come by today since Rose was busy, Edward was working and no one else was really around so I was surprised when there was a knock on the door. L.J. was asleep and I didn't want to wake him so I slowly crept to the door. Plus, if it was someone I didn't want to see then I didn't want them to be able to hear me coming. I looked through the peephole and was shocked at the blonde haired, blued eyed guy I saw standing outside so I opened the door._

"_Jasper? What's going on? Is Alice ok?" I asked._

"_Yes, darlin', she's fine. I just wanted to talk to you if you have a minute."_

"_Sure, come on in. Would you like a glass of water?"_

"_No, thanks. This won't take long and I don't hear L.J. so he must be asleep so I don't want to wake him." I just nodded because for the life of me I couldn't imagine what he needed to talk to me about. "Bella, I came by to tell you that you have our 100% support in everything you do…and that includes dating. I know you've been nervous about talking about dating in front of me or my parents but we don't want you to feel that way."_

_I gasped because I didn't know how to respond. I had told Alice and Rose earlier that this was the one thing I feared, the Cullen's disapproval about me dating another man. It's really hard to figure out how to approach this subject with your in-laws so I kind of took on the ostrich theory...stick my head in the sand and ignore the problem, I'm sure it'll go away._

"_We know you loved James, and probably still do, with all your heart. You were good to him, made him so happy and took care of him in ways we didn't even know he needed taking care of. But we all know that he would want you to be happy and that means finding someone to share your life with and to share that boy with. L.J. needs a father figure in his life...permanently. I know you're worried about us thinking less of you or being upset but I assure you that's not going to happen. Mom, dad and I all agree that you deserve to be taken care of and to have a partner to help take care of L.J. I just wanted to come by to tell you that so you wouldn't worry and that you'd let yourself have fun with Jake or whoever it is you decide to go out with."_

_My eyes were stinging with tears I willed not to fall. "Oh Jasper, you are so good to me. Thank you so much for telling me that, it's something I've been so worried about. You just have no idea what it means to me."_

Jasper wrapped his arms around me and gave me a tight hug while continuing to talk. "_I do know and that's why I wanted to get this all out in the open." Just then we heard L.J. cooing from his nursery. "Do you mind if I go get him up? I haven't seen him in a few days." _

"_Sure." Jasper let go and went down the hall to grab L.J. and I just stood in the hallway dumbfounded. I'd always liked Jasper and enjoyed being around him but we were never that close...I had a feeling after this visit that was all going to change._

Jasper is a great brother-in-law and thinking back to our conversation made me realize how lucky I was to have him in my life.

We had decided that Jake would come pick me up at my apartment since I had to make sure Edward and L.J. had everything they needed for the night. Who am I kidding, Edward has what he needs to watch L.J. for a few hours and knowing him he was thrilled to do it but I wanted to go see them both before I headed out. Ever since the dinner that turned into and L.J. show-off party he's been a bit distant with me and I don't really understand why….but with L.J. he's probably been more attached, like he's afraid I'm not going to let them spend time with each other. I think it really meant a lot to him that L.J. said 'da' to him. And I know it's probably wrong to encourage that line of thinking but he's eight months old and at this point I don't know how to change it and quite honestly, I don't want to. If I could hand pick a dad for L.J. it would be Edward...but I just don't want to hold him back from living the life he wants.

There was a knock on the door then and I knew it was Rose since she was coming over to help me get ready. L.J. was down with Edward and Emmett was taking Livy Grace down there to have a play date. Play date, isn't that the dumbest thing you've heard...in our case it's called match making.

I pulled the door open and Rose had one of those evil glints in her eye that I'd only seen a few times. "Hey, why do you look like that?"

"Oh, just thinking that I see great things for tonight. The boys said hi, Edward and L.J. were eating when I arrived and did you give him blueberries to feed Lucas?" I nodded. "Yeah, well Lucas James has it smeared over most of his face and Edward is wearing an apron and I did notice a blue streak in his hair."

"Good Lord, those two are like two peas in a pod. Edward took him to the park the other day and somehow while he was playing with L.J. they both ended up with mud all over their pants…he told me that to help clean him up he just hopped in the shower with L.J. and they both washed off. Needless to say when I got him from Edward he was only in a diaper with one of Edward's t-shirts on and tied in a knot in the back."

"Was Edward in his boxers? That would've been a sight to see."

"Rosalie! What is wrong with you?"

"What, I'm married not blind. On behalf of women all over Nashville I want to know what's under all the covers. Don't you ever think about it, I mean he's so good looking."

At this point I'm sure I was bright red. "No, I don't think about it. He's just a friend and I'd never want him to think I was thinking about him like that."

"Yeah, well if he's a warm blooded American man I can assure you he'd love to know you think about him like that. Anyway, let's get you ready. Are you showered and clean?"

"Yes and I even shaved my legs but it's not because I expect action, it's because I didn't have to worry about L.J. because he was with Edward so I had more time."

"I know the feeling. I got into bed the other night and Emmett told me I wasn't allowed to touch him because I was scratching him and I told him I prefer the term exfoliating. He's so freaking touchy about some things, like he's the chick and I'm the man. Ok, show me to the closet."

After that Rose and I went through my closet to find something to wear. Luckily, I fit into most of my clothes now and didn't have to go buy something new. Since Jake said we were going low key tonight, and I really didn't want to lead him on, we decided on a black casual skirt with a turquoise tank and cardigan set with flats. Once we had the outfit picked out we made our way to the bathroom so Rose could do my makeup.

"So, what are Edward and Lucas doing tonight?"

"Well, he said they were going to McAllistar's Deli for dinner and then watching Mega Mind, apparently he rented it. I told Edward that all I needed him to do was make sure L.J. got a bath but what I didn't tell him was that tonight isn't designated bath night but if I have the opportunity to let someone else do it then I'm going to take full advantage. That's terrible of me, isn't it?"

Rose cracked up at that. "Bella, for someone that is so daft about some things you are so smart about others. No it's not terrible, go you though. Plus, you know Edward would do anything you ask him to do and he loves anything he gets to do with Lucas. No doubt we'll have some great stories about it at the next dinner though. Oh, speaking of dinner, what did you think of Lucas calling Edward 'da'?"

I sighed because I didn't know what to think. "I'm sure a psychologist would tell me I need to stop that right away but I don't want to. I like that L.J. called Edward 'da' and he is the closest thing to a father that L.J. has. No one will ever replace James but it's nice that L.J. has a good male influence in his life. And I know Edward loves L.J. like he would if he were his own blood." I took a deep breath. "I don't know, what do you think."

"Bella, I'm going to be straight with you. I think Lucas James Cullen is smarter than both you and Edward put together and he's only a few months old. It's amazing, they say kids see things so clearly and are very smart, I just didn't know that it started so young. I think it's great he called Edward 'da' and I don't think you should do anything about it. If something happens and you meet someone that you think would make a better father for L.J. then handle it then." Rose was yanking and teasing my hair while I just sat there and thought about what she said. "But Bella, I don't think you are going to find a better man...for either of you."

"What do you mean L.J. is smarter than me and Edward?"

Again with the evil grin. "I just think that little ones see everything in black and white and there are no emotions or anything that hamper 'gray' their view. Emmett and I figure you two idiots will learn a lot from him."

"You're being weird and I don't get what you are saying. Are you almost done?"

Rose ignored me for a good ten minutes but I know she can't sit in silence for too long. "Anyway, what are y'all doing tonight?"

"I'm not really sure. He mentioned something about Franklin but I think it's just going to be dinner or something, nothing major. Just talking and stuff...like _Friends_ do. I feel like I know Jake so well already just from talking at Seth's games and stuff and we are just getting out to relax a bit away from the ball park."

"Mmmmhmmm."

"Surprisingly, I'm not even nervous. I really like Jake just not romantically but as they say, you have to get back on that horse some time and I'm comfortable doing it now. Rose, do you think it's wrong?"

She put everything on the counter before answering. "Bella, I don't think what you are doing is wrong. I think we all know that you are never going to forget James and no one wants you to. We are all here to tell Lucas all about his hero of a daddy, but I also know that you are young and have a full life ahead of you and he would not want you to live it alone, Bella. It's not wrong to find someone as long as that someone will love you and Lucas the way you deserve. Personally, I think you already have it but it's just so hard for you to see because it's too close but once you step away it'll become very clear."

"What do you mean?"

She started shaking her head as if to say no. "I'm not telling you, you have to figure it out on your own." I chose to ignore her back...he she was going to be shady then I was going to be childish, I didn't care.

After that she finished my hair and makeup and I got dressed. We both headed down to Edward's apartment to see the guys. Rose and Emmett had a family date tonight and I wanted to make sure Edward had everything he needed. When we got there we heard Emmett laughing and nothing else. I guess no crying was a good sign.

Since I had a key I unlocked the door and opened it and what I saw about made me lose it. Edward was covered in flour, it was everywhere. Emmett was holding Livy Grace and they were both grinning and my son was sitting on the kitchen floor with an empty tupperware bowl on his head that I could tell had once had the flour in it.

"Edward, what happened?"

His head swung around to me and his eyes got wide. "Gorgeous. Absolutely stunning."

I could feel an unconscious smile on my face and I started to blush a bit. I was amazed at my reaction to Edward thinking I was gorgeous...it made me feel really good, like I wanted him to think I was gorgeous all the time. "Thanks, Edward. You're too sweet…but stop changing the subject, what happened?"

"I wasn't trying to change the subject, it was the first thing that came to mind when I saw you." Cue the blush. "So anyway, L.J. and I were going to make some homemade cookies for you and I had put the flour in the bowl and turned around to get eggs and sugar and before I knew it I heard the bowl scrape across the counter. L.J. had gotten a hold of it and wouldn't let go. I tried to grab it from his hands but when I did he grabbed on tighter and I yanked and the bowl went flying and flour went everywhere. And Doofus over there has just been standing there with that pretty little thing and laughing at me. I grabbed L.J. and set him on the floor because I didn't want him to get flour everywhere. I guess it's an early shower for both of us tonight." I just looked into Edward's eyes and I never once saw anger. He could've cared less that he was covered in flour or that my son was also, he was just so happy to be there with him. How could this man still be single, how could Lauren or Angela not see what a wonderful human being he was.

Emmett cut in at that moment. "Yeah, Livy and I were acting as overseers and before we knew it there was flour everywhere. Rosie, I think you timed it perfectly…let's get going. See you fellas later, have a good time tonight Bella. And Edward's right, you look great."

I heard what Emmett said but couldn't get Edward out of my head. Finally I got my head out of the clouds and spoke. "Thanks, Em. And Rose, thanks for your help." They both smiled and then made their way to the door. I turned back to Edward, "Well, seems like you are going to be busy cleaning up here, can I help?"

"No way, you look too pretty to help me and I don't want you to get dirty. Once we get these cookies made we are going for pizza and then we have our big movie date. I would give you a hug and tell you to have fun but I don't want to get flour all over you."

I just looked at Edward some more, I'm sure he thought I was losing it. He's always thinking about me, doing whatever he can to help out. When I think of someone to call to help me Edward is always the first person I think to call. He's the one I want with me whenever something big happens or if I need someone to support me or even spend time with me. "Bella, are you ok? Sweetheart, you look kind of pale and I really want to walk over to you and put my arm around you but I'm going to ruin your outfit.

"What? Ugh...yeah. Yeah, I'm fine...I just...ugh, just thought of something."

"Ok, well you are really worrying me."

I starting shaking my head no, Edward worried enough for all of us and I didn't want him to worry about me tonight, I just wanted he and L.J. to have a good time with each other. "Don't worry about me, I'm ok."

When I looked Edward in the eye I saw that worry was written all over his face so I tried to give him a smile to reassure him. He must've decided I was ok because he started speaking. "Well we'll come over after the movie and I'll read a book and then put big man bed. I'll be on your couch when you get home.

I just nodded. I had to get out of here right now before I had a panic attack. I told L.J. goodbye and blew him a kiss then I made my way towards the front door to head back to my place but turned before I opened the door. "Oh, we're still going to the park tomorrow if the weather is nice, right?"

"Yep." Edward answered and I just nodded and opened the door. Before I walked out I heard Edward yell, "Bella, you deserve to have a good time tonight and I really hope you do." I just smiled and walked out the door.

Once the door closed behind me I leaned up against the wall and tried to get control of my breathing. I could not go out with Jake tonight and I needed to tell him that as soon as he got to my place because it wasn't fair to him.

I have to tell him that I don't want to lead him on, that I think he's a great friend but that's all we can be, that I can't let one man take me out when all I wanted to be with was another

_...that I was in love with Edward._

**Edward**

Who was I kidding, I didn't want Bella to have a good time, I only said it because my mother taught me to be polite and I needed to score some points in my column. That makes me sound like such an ass. I just wish she were having a good time with us.

I heard the door click shut and then looked down at L.J. "What do you think Buddy, should we put this project on hold and go shower up and grab dinner? We don't want to be around when your mom's date picks her up" L.J. gave me a big goofy grin and started clapping. "That's what I thought, come on."

After having watched L.J. a lot and having us both get dirty a lot I've found that the best way to clean him is in the shower with me. No, I'm not a pervert, it's just faster this way. L.J. sits on a towel outside the shower until I'm all cleaned and then I cool the water down and grab him to give him a quick wash off. Luckily, he's never been so dirty that I've really had to scrub.

We got ourselves showered, dried and changed and headed off to McAllister's. I didn't want to go to the classic pizza joint with a million kids running around, just something low-key where L.J. and I could talk...well, where I could talk and he could give me a goofy grin and then try to respond. Once we ordered I grabbed a booster seat and went to find a table. There were quite a few moms with their children there and they all kept looking at me, it made me a bit uncomfortable so I just kept my focus on the good looking guy I was with. Finally my food came and I whipped out some of L.J.'s food mush to feed him. He's doing great with solid foods but I did remember to bring a bib and wet wipes in case we had another incident like the blueberry one.

"You know buddy, we have got to work on your mom. I'm sure "Uncle Jake" is a nice guy but I just don't think he's right for y'all. I'm right for y'all." L.J. just looked at me with his daddy's huge blue eyes. "You know what else, I want to be your daddy so badly. I want everyone to know that you're mine…I'd do anything in the world for you. I want to be the one to kiss your knee when you get a boo boo and give you a hug when someone hurts your feelings and give you money when you come home from college to visit…not "Uncle Jake". I love you so much and your mommy. And don't tell her but I want to kiss her too."

"Da." L.J. grabbed the spoon on the table and started banging it around while yelling, "Da….da, da, da."

"That's right buddy but we have to work on saying 'mama' too. You're mama works so hard on keeping you safe and healthy that I think we need to let her know you love her too. What do you think?"

"Da!"

I just laughed because that didn't go exactly the way I wanted. "Ok, maybe not yet."

I got L.J. fed and then ate my dinner while L.J. looked at all the other people in the restaurant. I knew it was time to leave when he started blowing bubbles at me only it ended up that he was just spitting on me.

I got L.J. buckled into the back of the care and then climbed in the front seat and started for home. Once we got there I had every intention on making cookies for Bella but all I really wanted to do was snuggle up with my favorite guy and watch our movie. L.J. and I both changed into our jammies and then made our way to Bella's place because I realized he was probably going to fall asleep during the movie. Man, what I wouldn't give to be taking L.J. to 'our' home where his mama lived also. I got the DVD set up and we settled onto the couch with me laying lengthwise on it and my head propped up on some pillows while L.J. lay tummy down on my chest. This was my favorite part of our time together…when he was getting tired and snuggly.

About 20 minutes into the film I heard L.J. take a deep breath which was his signal that he was officially asleep so I pulled the blanked down from the back of the couch and laid it over him. I probably stared at this tiny little human for a good 10 minutes before my eyes broke away to the ceiling.

"I hate asking this because I'm sure I'm rubbing salt in wounds but I need you to help me out here buddy. I promised you I'd take care of them and I intend on doing just that for a long time but I want to do it permanently and I want them to both be mine. I'll be the best stand-in dad you could ask for James, I promise. This little guy won't know the difference because I'll love him like he's got my blood running through his veins but I'll also make sure he never forgets about you. And as for Bella, I'd do anything for her but I won't walk away…not until I get my shot. Please don't hate me for falling in love with her, you must know I couldn't help it. She's everything to me...just as she was to you."

I felt my own eyes getting tired so I reached behind me and turned the lamp off and just turned the TV back to live television. I could feel my eyelids getting heavier and finally succumbed to the exhaustion I felt. My dreams that night were all over the place: Bella and me; Bella, L.J. and me at a Titans game and me explaining football to L.J.; Bella and me with a little girl on one side and L.J. on another while sitting on a beach. The last thing I dreamt that night was sitting in a bar with James and Emmett and we were all drinking a beer.

"_You guys are missing a great time up there…now that doesn't mean that I want to see you there anytime soon but know that heaven is a wonderful place." James said. He looked great, no injuries and no fatigue….like the guy I knew in college. _

"_We miss you down here, man." Emmett said with a solemn look. "Bella and L.J. miss you."_

"_Yeah, Bella may but let's be honest, L.J. doesn't. He's got the next best thing in Doc over there." James said with a smile that made Hollywood stars look like mere peons._

"_James man, she'd give anything to have you back. Don't think that she wouldn't" I said and I meant it._

"_Edward, that may be true but there isn't a day that goes by that I worry about them. Sure, I watch over them both and love seeing how L.J. is growing and changing but I know they both have what they need, and I know you won't let them down. I truly believe that God works in mysterious ways. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't feel loved by Bella and soon that'll happen for you. Quit being a pussy, go tell her how you feel….I think you'll have more success than you think. Plus, she's ready…just go slow." James gulped down the last of his beer and got off the bar stool. "Don't let me down, Masen…ass kicking is not allowed in heaven. And Emmett, that girl is going to give you a run for your money…just think Rosalie…about 10 times worse." James said with a big grin and Emmett just groaned. "I'll see you guys later, much later. Edward, you have my blessing…now go get that woman and make her yours…and that boy too." And with that he walked out of the bar and disappeared into thin air. _

I woke up shortly thereafter with Bella running her hand through my hair.

"Hey, I didn't mean to wake you up….you looked so peaceful, I don't think I've seen you look like that before." Bella said. I could hardly see her but knew she was sitting on the coffee table.

"No worries, that actually feels really good." I closed my tired eyes and then realized it must be late. "Here, let me get up and get out of here."

"No. Stay. Why don't you two boys sleep here, it looks like you are both comfortable."

I nodded but then remembered that she couldn't see me because it was pretty dark. "Yeah, we are. He was such a good boy tonight, I'm glad you let me watch him. Oh, how was your date?"

"Fine. We'll talk more in the morning. Go back to sleep." Then she leaned down and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead. "Edward?"

"Yeah" I whispered.

"I don't know what you were dreaming about but you had the goofiest grin on your face. I really like seeing you with that look, we'll have to work on it tomorrow at the park."

I just chuckled. Bella set off towards her room and I closed my eyes.

_If you only knew, Bella. If I get my way I plan on smiling like that for the rest of my life._


	22. Chapter 22

AN: So, I went totally away from the outline with the last chapter but that's ok because I like the way it played out. Why drag it out, right? So, I actually rewrote this chapter this morning and I'm afraid it's not enough but this is how I wanted to go so I hope you like it...BUT if you don't, I get it.

Next week I'm going to try to get 2 chapters to you but neither have yet to be written so if I'm a little late getting the chapters to y'all stay with me, I'll crank it out. First step, rewrite my outline.

Thanks for all your support through the last few chapters. I was worried I was going to tick some people off with how I had the chapter go but glad to say that I don't think I did. I hope you all have a great weekend and beautiful weather wherever you are!

**Chapter 22**

**Bella**

This has been one of the worst weeks of my life, ok maybe not worst but definitely the most anxious week of my life. Why is it that whenever you make a decision and are ready to move forward there is always something in the way to keep you from doing so...or at least delaying it. After my big revelation outside of Edward's door all I wanted to do was have him over for dinner and just spill my guts. I know most girls would play the game and just wait for the guy to make the first move but after everything that has happened in the past year I didn't feel like wasting anymore time. Unfortunately, the world wasn't on my side.

The night of the big "date/revelation" I did end up going out with Jake, as friends, and had a nice time.

_I was leaning up against the hallway taking deep breaths and trying to get control of myself when I heard someone ask if I was ok._

_"Bella, are you ok? Are you sick?" I looked up in surprise and found Jake walking towards me with a bouquet of flowers._

_"Oh...uhh, I'm fine but I don't think I can go out with you?" It came out as more of a question than a statement. _

_"Are you not feeling well? Should we reschedule?" Jake was so sweet and sounded like he was truly worried about me. I hated what I was about to say but I couldn't lie to Jake or lead him on._

_"Here, let's go to my place." We walked over to my apartment and made our way inside. Once there I turned to Jake and tried my best to smile but I know it didn't come through. One deep breath and I began to speak. "Jake, I'm sorry but I really can't go out with you. See, I was over checking on L.J. and Edward and I were talking and stuff and..." I took another deep breath and looked at Jake and the words just tumbled out. "Ummm, I think I'm in love with Edward and I can't do that to you. I think too much of you to let you take me out when I know I have feelings for another guy." And then came the tears. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen and I just realized it. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Please don't hate me."_

_Jake didn't look angry, maybe a bit shocked but not angry. "Ahh Bella-girl, please don't cry." He walked over and put his arm around me. "I don't want you to be this upset about anything but especially not about me. Am I bummed, yeah, but I never want you to think you can't tell me the truth. If nothing else we are friends and as your friend I want more than anything for you to be happy." Jake let go of me and sighed before continuing to speak. "I would love to get to take you out and show you how wonderfully happy I could make you but I knew going into this that I'd not only be fighting James's ghost but that you also had this wonderful friend that was like a father to your child and so good to you. I can't even say I'm surprised so please don't be upset." I just nodded and kept wiping away the tears. "I tell you what, you look so pretty and have obviously spent time getting ready so let's just go out and have dinner and then I'll bring you home. What do you say?"_

_"Oh, Jake. I just don't know, I don't want to waste your time. I'm sure you have something else you could be doing?"_

_"Never. It'll be good to talk to you without the prying ears of moms and little boys around."_

_I smiled because Jake really was a good friend. "Are you sure?" He nodded. "Ok, let's do it."_

_"Plus, you can tell me all about Edward and I'll let you know if I think he's a good guy for you or not." He said with a big goofy grin on his face. I couldn't help but smile back, his attitude was contagious...just like Seth's._

_Jake and I did go out that evening and I told him all about Edward and he did approve. We had a nice time and after dinner walked around Franklin to see the historical downtown. He told me all about helping Leah and Seth and his work and friends. I told him about Emmett and Rose, Alice and Jasper and how I met Angela and how she met Ben. At the end of the night he brought me back to the apartment and gave me a kiss on the cheek with a promise that I'd plan a dinner sometime with everyone so he could meet all my wonderful friends._

_Once I made it to my floor I quietly went inside the apartment and noticed the only light on was the flickering coming form the TV in the living room. I walked over that way and looked down on the couch and saw the sweetest sight I've ever seen: Edward asleep with L.J. on his chest. They were both covered with a blanket and every time Edward took a deep breath L.J.'s little body would move up and then down. I sat down on the coffee table and just stared. I felt nothing but love when I looked at these two guys. My heart was full._

_I spent ten minutes sitting on the table and just watching this beautiful man in front of me with my son on his chest. After a while I couldn't help myself and I ran my hands through Edward's hair because other than hugs I don't think I had ever touched Edward. He started to wake up after a minute and then looked at me. We spoke a few minutes and I told him to just stay at my place and I headed to bed. No reason to make any major declarations tonight._

The next day Edward and I were supposed to take L.J. to the park but he got called into work because one of his co-workers was out sick. I took L.J. to the park by myself since the weather seemed to be a bit warmer and I wanted some time alone with my baby.

_We were sitting at a picnic table, well I was sitting at the table and L.J. was in his stroller, just enjoying the kids running around and playing. I looked at L.J. and started talking, "L.J., what would you think if mama and Da were together. And your Da was around all the time? Good heavens, what am I saying...what if we don't even make a good couple." L.J. just looked at me with his gorgeous blue eyes and I kept on yapping away. "Oh L.J, I really want Edward to be around all the time and more permanently. He's so good to you and I know he'd make a great daddy, heck he already does. How am I going to tell him, huh buddy?"_

_"Da...da da da da. Bababababa." _

_"Is that what you suggest, just babbling away?" I looked down at my son and he had a huge gummy grin with his two teeth peeking out. Why was I so worried, I know Edward well enough to know I shouldn't be this worked up about it. He loves us, loves L.J. like he was his. All I have to do was get the guts to tell him how I feel. "Alright baby, let's go call Edward and plan a family dinner for this week...mama has to get her guy because he's too polite to get me." _

Unfortunately planning dinner wasn't so easy. Edward worked three days this week and I worked the following 3 days so we had a hard time catching up. Finally after my shift on Friday I got L.J. from Edward's and asked him if he'd like to come over the next night for dinner. So here I am, a week after the big "revelation", and trying to get dinner made for Edward and me while I have a very uphappy baby. L.J. must since my anxiety because he didn't take a nap today when I needed him too and now he's whining and starting to cry every time I walk out of the room.

I heard a knock on the door and looked at the clock to see that it was 5:30pm and as always, Edward was right on time.

I opened the door and just looked at Edward. He was so handsome in a long-sleeved button down shirt and black slacks.

"Hi, pretty girl."

I smiled at the nickname. "Hi. Come in, L.J. has been a handful today so I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see you. I'm running a little late on dinner so do you mind hanging out with him?"

"Never. Is he in the living room?"

"Yeah. Ok, I'll be in the kitchen, holler if you need anything." Edward nodded and we went our separate ways.

**Edward**

As soon as I walked into Bella's apartment I felt completely at ease. Having gone most of the week with only a few minutes with her, when she was picking up L.J., was hard and not something I wanted to have happen on a regular basis. Until Bella went out on her date, I hadn't realized how much having her in my daily life really settled me and keeps me grounded.

Ugh, the date. I'm sure it makes me a bad friend to not ask Bella how it went but I just haven't seen her enough this week to really hear all about it and quite honestly I didn't want to. The last thing I was looking forward to was hearing what a great guy "Uncle Jake" was and how well he treated her and blah, blah, blah. It made me sick just thinking about it.

I made my way to the floor and to a very unhappy L.J. He had been a bit cranky when I had him this week but didn't have a fever or rash so I chalked it up to teething.

"What's up, buddy? Why are you so upset today? Remember what we talked about, you have to be good for mama because she's so good to you." I reached over to pick L.J. up and he instinctively lifting his arms. All I could think was 'uh oh, I really hope this isn't the separation anxiety phase I've read about'. "I'm so happy to see you big guy, I've missed you. Sure, I know we've hung out a lot this week but I love hanging out with both your and your mama. Now, I need you to tell me...did she say anything about the big date?" L.J. just looked at me with those handsome blue eyes. "Not going to answer, huh? Well, that's ok. Ok, so let's see what fun toys mama set out for you to play with."

L.J. and I played for about 30 more minutes and then I heard something that scared me to death.

"Ahhhhh. Shit...shit, shit, shit." And then I smelled it. Smoke, a lot of smoke. I picked up L.J. and ran into the kitchen.

"What's going on? Are you ok? Where's your fire extinguisher?" I asked all three questions in such a rush that I didn't take in the sight around me. Bella was pulling a very burnt dish out of the oven, whatever was on the stove had boiled over and on top of that the smoke alarm had just started going off. I set L.J. in his high chair that was just outside the kitchen area and went over to the alarm to clear the smoke away so it'd stop going off. When I finally got that settled I looked at Bella and she looked exhausted.

"Bella, are you ok?"

She just nodded.

"What can I do to help?"

"Nothing. There is nothing to do. I completely ruined dinner. I was too busy making sure that the pasta didn't overcook that I forgot about the chicken in the oven and now they are both uneatable. I wanted this to be so nice, perfect really. I feel like I can't do anything right. You are so good to us all the time and I wanted to have you here and show you that I could do it too. That I could make dinner and take care of a baby and be a great hostess but I'm just not."

"Oh sweetheart, don't you know you have nothing to prove to me. Bella, I know how hard you work and how busy you are all the time. It just looks like I have it together because I'm really only taking care of him a few hours when I have him. Honey, I promise you don't see the mess I get myself into in the hours leading up to you picking him up. Don't ever feel like you have to do this for me, I just want you to be relaxed and comfortable."

Bella started tearing up and I really didn't know what else to say so I decided to go get L.J. and let him bring a little happiness to her. When I got back she was trying to clean up the stove but I stopped her.

"Here, you take big guy here and let me clean up. Then we'll go out and grab something to eat. Maybe Chik-fil-A?" I handed L.J. off to Bella and then moved towards the sink but her words stopped me.

"No. We can't go out because I need to talk to you...here. I have to talk to you tonight."

I just looked at her dumbfounded because I had no idea what she needed to talk about. As fast as that thought came it was gone and what replaced it was fear. Fear that Bella was about to tell me what a wonderful time she had on the date, that she had real feelings for "Uncle Jake" and thought he could be the one for her and L.J. That I was going to lose them both to this other guy that didn't know anything about these two people that have made my life wonderful. I was continuing down the road of hell in my mind when I realized Bella was still talking.

"Yeah, see I didn't mean for it to happen but it just kind of did and I'm glad. I really feel like this is it and that I'm going to be ok and so will L.J. Now we have someone that I can see us with forever and I just want us both to be happy." Bella continued but I was becoming very confused by what she was saying. Was she talking about Jake?

"Wait. Bella, I don't understand what you're saying."

Bella stopped abruptly and we just stared at each other. I didn't know what to think and she looked like a man about to walk the plank. My mind was racing but the six words Bella said next stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Edward, I'm in love with you."


	23. Chapter 23

AN: I know this chapter is up a bit later than usual but at least I'm getting it to you today. I've really struggled getting back into the story and the frustrating thing is that we are only a few chapters from being done.

I didn't get to reply to reviews this time and for that I'm so sorry. Please don't let that stop you though...I promise to get back to responding. I just don't want y'all to think I don't appreciate you leaving me your thoughts...I do! It's wonderful to know that I have so many readers and just taking the time to leave me your thoughts means a lot!

One thing I wanted to point out that I completely forgot to mention until someone reviewed the last chapter and said something about it. If you read chapter 21 (I think) early the day I posted it then you were probably confused with the way I ended it. I was trying to be dramatic and have the last part be where Bella realizes she loves Edward but it was totally out of context. The EPOV had already moved on past that part and had Bella say something to Edward before she went to bed. Anyway, I went back and put the paragraph in the correct spot so it made sense. I'm sorry for any confusion, I'm just going to chalk it up being a rookie writer.

Thank you to my reviewer for mentioning it because I meant to say something before chapter 22!

It's a pretty day down here in Georgia and I'm spending it indoors...sad. Hope y'all are all doing well and had a great weekend.

**Chapter 23**

**Edward**

I remember the first time I thought I loved a girl. It was when I was 14 and her name was Cindy Hayes and she was beautiful in my eyes. She had blonde hair, hazel eyes and was a few inches shorter than me. Cindy played all kinds of sports and that made her pretty popular when we were freshman but it didn't stop me from totally falling for her. I was still a total dork that wore both glasses and braces and had the social skills of a possum but I had convinced myself that Cindy would say yes to me if I asked her to homecoming.

It wasn't like Cindy and I were strangers. In fact, I guess we were kind of friends. We had a couple of classes together and she actually talked to me, which was a plus in my book. After weeks of anxiety about asking Cindy to the dance, one Friday about a month before homecoming, I finally got up the nerves to just pop the question after our Algebra class. I stuttered my way through the invitation and she gave me a nice smile when I was done so I thought maybe I was going to get the girl but I was soon learned that wouldn't be the case. Cindy let me down easy, told me that I was a really nice guy and so sweet but Adam Taylor had already asked her and since she wanted him to be her boyfriend she said yes. She went on to say that she really appreciated me thinking of asking her and that it was flattering. I remembered just looking down at my shoes while she talked because I was so embarrassed. Finally she was done talking and I nodded and just walked off to my next class completely heartbroken and feeling like a failure. The one saving grace about the entire situation was how nice Cindy had been about the whole thing. After that I promised myself that I'd learn to read girls better, learn what they do when they like you and how to tell what they are feeling.

When I finally understood what Bella said I realized that I hadn't learned a damn thing about "reading" girls or learning their signals because her statement totally came out of left field for me.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked and could feel my eyebrows drawn together.

Bella tilted her head and just looked at me. She went from looking nervous to a little upset and embarrassed and I didn't understand why. "Edward, I love you. I know this is out of the blue…it was for me too but I know how I feel and I'm not going to play games about it. I just thought you should know. I'm sorry if you don't feel that way for me, I thought…..I mean…" she trailed off and looked away from me.

"Wait a minute." I said and then gently grabbed her shoulders but she still had her face turned away. "Don't get upset, you just kind of took me by surprise there. Talk to me, pretty girl."

I put my finger under Bella's chin so she had to look up at me and at that point I knew my heart was totally gone, she and her son owned it now. All of a sudden I saw things so very clearly. After growing up and being the awkward teenager, the dork of the school, I was about to get everything I ever wanted. This girl loves me….and I love her and I love her son. When I look back at life and try to pinpoint when it all changed it's going to be this moment right now.

Bella took a deep breath and began to speak. "I figured it out last week. Actually, Saturday when I came to check on you and L.J. before I went out with Jake. I realized that you are everything I want. You love my son like he's yours, you are sweet and loyal and so caring, you've given up parts of your life in order to help make mine better and I know I can ask you anything and you'll try your best to help me. You are there for me at work; you are like my strength when I think I have none. When I close my eyes and picture my future what I see is eerily clear: You, me, L.J. and a little girl." She whispered the last part and had a sheepish grin on her face which only cased me to smile back at her. "I'm ready to try and I want to try with you but I understand if you aren't ready."

And my how the tables have turned.

"Bella, you have to give me a minute to catch up here sweetheart. I was not expecting you to say that…I thought you were going to tell me how great the date went and that Uncle Jake was the one." Bella's eyes got wide and she opened her mouth to speak but I put my finger over her lips so I could continue. "I'm so thankful that I met James and he was a friend to me for a long time and I'm even more thankful that he lead me to you. My heart broke for you when I found out he was killed and I saw you struggling just to get to normal. I promised right then and there that I'd watch out and make sure you never went without and that you were taken care of. Then you had L.J. and I got to be there with you. Bella, that day my life changed. I looked at that little boy and just gave him a piece of my heart without even thinking about it. See, I've been fighting this a long time and I had no idea how to approach things. I was waiting until everything was perfectly aligned but I realize now that was never going to happen. There is never a perfect perfect tiem." Bella's face showed udder confusion, much as mine had a few moments ago.

"Bella, I love you too, so much. I want to try and I mean really try. I look at you and L.J. and I see everything I've ever wanted. You have made me that happiest man on earth just saying that you have feelings for me. Bella, you and L.J. are my dream and I finally see that it's within reach."

Bella's eyes filled with tears and I didn't know what to do so I just put my arms around her and drew her into a tight hug. Finally she pulled back and looked up at me and if I had been shocked before, what she whispered next stunned me.

"Edward, will you kiss me? I'm sure that makes me sound like a floozy but I just want you to kiss me right now."

"Really?" Well, at least I had some dork left in me and I'm sure it was apparent with that squeaky response. Bella nodded so I lifted her chin while bending down towards her lips. When I finally felt her lips connect with mine it was surreal. This thing I had dreamed about, thought constantly about, had fought for months was happening. I went to deepen the kiss as I realized how receptive she was but stopped dead in my tracks and pulled back.

"Did I do something wrong?" Bella asked with a nervous look on her face.

"No, pretty girl but I did. I want to do this the right way. I want to take you out on a date."

"Oh. Umm, ok."

"Bella, I think the world of you and I don't want to rush you into anything and I want us to go out on a date…let me woo you." She just started giggling and all the tension in the room disappeared. "What are you doing tomorrow? It doesn't have to be at night, maybe lunch? We could see if Alice and Jasper could watch the big man for a couple of hours."

She nodded. "Yeah. I think I'd like that." Just then we were interrupted by our little guy. OUR little guy.

"Ehhmama." He said. "Ehhmama."

I looked down at Bella with wide eyes. "Did he just say what I think he said?"

"Lucas James, did you just say mama?" Bella asked as she walked over to L.J.

"Ehhmama. Da, Da, Da."

"Say it again, baby. Can you say mama for me?" I was standing behind Bella as she kept talking and nodded like L.J. understood what that meant.

"Ehhmama."

Bella turned to me with the biggest grin you've ever seen on her face. "He said mama."

"He sure did." I turned to L.J. and spoke directly to him. "You are such a smart little boy, aren't you? You know your mama and dada. We love you so much." I walked over to pick up L.J. and then turned towards Bella. "I think there is a lot of love in this house today. What do y'all say we grab the diaper bag and go get something to eat?"

"Oh yeah, I burnt dinner. Well, I guess this evening didn't turn out exactly like I planned."

"Bella, this evening couldn't have turned out any better. This is by far one of the best days of my life. Come on, let's get you two fed. And me too, I'm hungry now."

I walked back to L.J.'s room and changed him while Bella went to grab a jacket and get L.J.'s food together so we could feed him at the restaurant.

"Did you hear big guy, I'm going to get to be with you all the time if things work out the way I want them too. I don't know what you've been saying to mama but you are very smart and I appreciate any help you gave me. I love you so much. Now, tomorrow you are going to hang out with Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper while I take your mama out but we won't be gone long. It's going to be pretty tomorrow so maybe we can go for a walk afterwards. What do you think?"

L.J. answered me by clapping his little hands together.

"That's what I thought. Ok buddy, let's go feed your mama."

"Ehhmama."

"Yes, baby. Ehhmama." I picked L.J. up and headed towards the living room. Bella had a jacket for L.J. and the diaper bag. She gave me a big smile and I knew at that moment that all the shit we'd been through in the past year had lead us to right here and although I'd give anything to have James back and losing him is something neither of us will ever forget we will also always know it brought us all together.

**Bella**

Today was "Date Day" with Edward and I couldn't wait. Alice and Jasper were coming over to pick up L.J. in a few minutes and then I was going to get dressed and wait for Edward to come knocking.

I wish that my dinner could've gone a bit better and to be honest I was mortified when I realized I'd burnt dinner and set off the alarm. You'd think that I haven't been cooking for the better part of my life but I just think I had gotten myself so worked up that my head was in the clouds. Regardless of my epic fail, I got my point across to Edward and was happy to just have it off my chest. When I first told Edward that I loved him I thought maybe I'd misread him and that he didn't have the same feelings for me. He was so quiet and almost disconnected, like he was in another world, but when he did get with it I realized all my worry was for nothing. Edward felt the same way about me that I did for him.

Alice's arrival brought me out of my daze and I headed over to get the door.

"Hey you."

"Well hey yourself. So, the big date is soon…you nervous?" Alice asked with a big smile.

"Actually, not at all. I feel like Edward pretty much knows everything about me and I know a lot about him so there shouldn't be any awkward moments. I'm really looking forward to just spending the afternoon with him with no distractions. Does that make me a bad mom?"

"No way, Bella. You are one of the best moms I've ever known. Don't ever feel bad about wanting some quiet time with Edward. Now, I'm going to take the little rug rat and get out of your hair." She headed over to the blanket I have on the living room floor and picked up her nephew. "Jasper stopped by Edward's to say hi and he said for y'all to take your time. He likes getting to spend time with L.J."

I smiled because Jasper had always been the more serious of the Cullen's but when he's around L.J. he's like goo in L.J.'s little hands. It's really fun to watch.

"Ok big guy, let's go find Uncle Jazz and blow this joint. There are fun times to be had." Alice hadn't lost any of that fun loving attitude that I loved growing up. She turned to me before she walked out of the apartment. "Bella, I hope you have a great time. Take your time and enjoy each other."

I just nodded and Alice walked out of the door with my baby and his bag in her hands. Once the door was closed I turned towards my bedroom and made my way down the hall to get ready.

Thirty minutes later I heard a knock on the door and went to answer it with a huge smile on my face.

"Hi, pretty girl." Edward said with a huge grin. He looked great in his khaki pants and blue button-down shirt. I finally understood what Rose was saying, Edward is very handsome and I'm sure he could have his pick if he really put his mind to it. I'm a lucky girl and I had no intention of letting anyone else ever seeing what was 'under the covers' as Rose so eloquently put it.

"Hi."

"You ready?"

I nodded and he motioned for me to walk in front of him. Edward, always the gentleman. We headed to the elevator and Edward pressed the lobby button instead of the parking garage.

"I thought we could walk to the restaurant and enjoy the weather. What do you think?" I noticed that Edward was acting a bit shy and I absolutely didn't want that so I decided to nip it in the bud.

"That sounds perfect but you have to promise me something." I turned toward Edward with an eyebrow raised, he nodded. "This can't be weird or uncomfortable, don't act like I may not have a good time with you. Edward, we know each other well enough to be ourselves and that's what I want to do today. Let's enjoy this time together and have fun."

Edward let out a breath and turned towards me. "Ok, good. I was getting worked up over this 'date' but you're right. Let's just enjoy ourselves. Plus, I know I have the girl…now I just need to keep her, right?" I just laughed because Edward always knew how to lighten the mood.

We spent the next few hours walking around the Vanderbilt area, eating lunch at a small bistro right off campus and just talking. We held hands and he even gave me a chaste kiss while we were sitting on a bench in the park. I learned that Edward's first love was a girl that turned him down for the homecoming dance and I told Edward all about the first boy that asked me out, Jim Woods, and how my dad was cleaning his shotgun when Jim came to pick me up. Needless to say that was the last time I was asked out by Jim.

Edward and I laughed and at one point I even cried a bit, when we were talking about James and Edward just put his arm around me and waiting for me to calm down. The one thing I enjoyed about Edward was the he was never going to make me feel bad about still having James in my heart. He was never going to keep me from talking about him or telling L.J. about him, if anything he helps me continue to remember James. I know that Edward will never compete with what I had with James and I'm so glad about that. Whatever Edward and I have together will be completely removed from what James and I had….and I couldn't wait to see what that was going to be.

After we made our way home we got in the car and drove over to Alice and Jasper's house to pick up our guy.

"Bella, I really had a nice time today. I know that we have the advantage of knowing each other really well already but I want you to know that I'm not going to forget to romance you as well. I want to make sure you know how special I think you are, how much I love you and how strong my feelings are. It may be hard to find time for a date but I'll try to figure it out…maybe at least twice a month?"

I giggled a bit because Edward never ceases to amaze me with how sweet he was. "Edward, I know you'll try but I also know having a baby is going to make that hard. If we get out together, great, but if it's just you and me in front of the TV on a random night after L.J. is put to bed then that's just fine also. I just enjoy being with you…no need for anything over the top."

Edward nodded and a few minutes later we pulled into Alice and Jasper's driveway. Before we got out I looked over at Edward with a very serious look on my face. "Now listen, once we knock on that door everything is going to be crazy. Alice is going to be asking a million questions and Jasper is going to try to stop her but won't be able too. Just stand your ground, don't get overwhelmed. Got it?"

Edward immediately paled but nodded.

"Ok, let's do this."

And just as I said, once we knocked Alice answered the door going a mile a minute. It was uncanny really; I don't understand how someone can just keep going with the questions. Where'd y'all eat? What'd you order? What'd you get for dessert? Where did you go afterwards? What did you see? Why are you here so early? Edward, when is your next date? Edward and I answered as many questions as we had energy for but really just wanted to get L.J. and spend some time with him.

Finally we made it out of Alice and Jasper's house with the promise of dinner club one night the next week and headed to the park with L.J. because Edward said he promised we would. The rest of the day was spent around our apartment, I made dinner with success this time, Edward gave L.J. his bath and only ended up with water on part of his shirt. Finally after L.J. was in bed, after Edward insisted on rocking him, we settled down to watch football on TV and snuggled up with one another. Yes, I enjoy a good football game from time to time and it was made even better by having Edward's arms wrapped around me. I, once again, felt safe and never wanted to leave this little cocoon we had made.

Around 10pm Edward leaned down and gave me a chaste kiss on the lips. "I have to head back to my place, pretty girl. Unfortunately, we both have to work tomorrow." I stuck my lip out like my son usually does because it got him what he wanted so I thought maybe it would get me a little more time with Edward. It didn't work. "Don't do that Bella, I have a hard enough time saying no to you. I promise we'll see each other this week and if we don't, we'll definitely talk. Come to my floor on your break tomorrow and if I can grab lunch then, I will."

I closed my eyes and just sat there for a few more minutes. Finally Edward made a move to get up so I stood up with him. We walked to the door and before he opened it he stopped and turned toward me.

"I really want to kiss you good night." He whispered.

"I really want you to kiss me." I whispered back.

Edward had a smirk on his face and leaned down towards me. This kiss was totally different from the last one. The previous kiss was shy and tentative…almost as if Edward was testing the waters. This kiss was stronger and more passionate. After a few seconds I felt his tongue slowly move along my lower lip and I opened up a bit in order to let him in. Edward's kisses were unreal. Sensual and slow. I loved it and could've kept kissing him but he pulled away.

"Don't pout pretty girl, it's unbecoming." He ran his thumb across my lower lip. "I love you Bella. I've waiting my whole life for you and I'm going to cherish every moment of it. You and L.J., y'all are my life now….and I don't want you to forget it."

I closed my eyes and let the tears that had formed slide down my cheeks. When I opened my eyes I looked directly at Edward and felt nothing but peace. "I love you, too. I had a really good time today and I'll try to see you tomorrow. If not, come over Tuesday after you nap." Edward just nodded and then turned to open the door.

"Sweet dreams, sweetheart. I'll see you tomorrow."

After Edward walked out I closed and locked the door. I walked back to the sofa and put my fingers to my lips as if remembering that kiss. Finally I sat back and could feel the smile stretching across my face.

Tomorrow was the first day of the rest of my life and I couldn't wait.


	24. Chapter 24

**Hello all! First, I must apologize for having such a long absence between chapters. I wish I had some great story to tell how I won a free 3 month trip to Tahiti and there was not internet access but that isn't the case...I just got a case of laziness and had a very hard time getting back to this story but here we are. **

**This chapter isn't one of my best but that's ok... still just trying to crank it out. I don't think there will be that many more chapters and the updates will probably be once every 1-2 weeks (not every few days like before).**

**I hope everyone has had a nice summer. Thank you for all the reviews/PMs I've received over the past few months and know that they really helped me get back to this story.**

**As always, if you see any mistakes feel free to let me know and I'll get on them right away.**

Chapter 24

**Bella**

My first date with Edward was perfect. Every time I think back to our evening a smile comes to my face because Edward had done everything right. We didn't have some grand, over-the-top evening out. He knew that anything too much would only make me uncomfortable as I'm not someone that 'fits in' with the swanky restaurants and bars around town…I'm much more your 'hole in the wall' type of girl. Then that kiss, wow! Edward is so sweet and he knew not to push me too far but it was still just right and I wouldn't have changed it for the world. I wasn't ready to do anything more physical yet but I definitely wanted to end the evening with something special.

Unfortunately, nights out alone were few and far between and we have been through a lot of weeks with no "without baby" dates but it's really not that upsetting because I absolutely loved seeing Edward with L.J. I will always be a sad that L.J. didn't get to meet his biological father or that James didn't get to be a father, but I know that he will want for nothing with Edward in that role.

Thanksgiving was another wonderful event this year. Edward and I decided that we'd offer to work the holiday so others could have it with their families. Since most of our families lived near us now we all agreed that we'd do Thanksgiving on Saturday night instead of Thursday. Esme and Carlisle were living at their vacation home almost full time now so we sent L.J. to stay with them for a few days since we were working and the day care was closed. Of course Esme and Carlisle were thrilled to get the baby for a few days and I was looking forward to some time with Edward…which didn't happen because Edward's holiday shift turned into a 48 hour marathon for him. Needless to say, I was disappointed but totally understood. By the time he got off on Friday night he was dead tired and although he knocked on my door at 10pm I sent him right down the hall to his apartment to get some sleep and I knew he was exhausted because he didn't fight it.

Our family Thanksgiving, which didn't include Rose, Emmett or Livy because they went to Atlanta for the weekend or Edward's mother and my father, ended up being as fun as last year's minus Emmett and Edward's drunken entertainment. Having L.J. at the table with us provided for dining entertainment since Edward was trying to get him to eat some mashed potatoes, turkey and stuffing while L.J. only wanted to play in his food.

"_Come on buddy, a little help here, this is good food and you won't get this too often so you have to eat up while you can. Don't you want to put it in your mouth instead of mashing it in your hands?" Edward was talking to L.J. like he understood anything Edward said. At nine months he was very alert and interactive but basically did what he wanted. _

"_Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. Bababababa. Wawawah."_

_Edward didn't seem at all phased by all the babbling L.J. was doing, he just kept on trying to coax L.J. to eat the food but it wasn't going so well. Finally Edward turned back to the table._

"_Well, I guess that didn't work out quite like planned. Anyway, what were we talking….errrrr." _

_The rest of us sat there and didn't know what to do. On one hand what just happened was hysterical but on the other L.J. had to know that his actions weren't acceptable. I could see Jasper and Alice turning bright red as they tried to keep themselves from cracking up, Esme and Carlisle were shocked and Edward just sat there staring straight ahead and I didn't move because I decided I'd let him handle this._

_He finally turned towards L.J., crouched down to his level and began speaking immediately. "No sir. That is not how we act. Son, you cannot throw your mashed potatoes, or any food for that matter, it's rude and disrespectful." When Edward finished talking he began to clean up L.J.'s highchair, his hands and removed his plate from the tray. Once he was finished he turned towards us and continued talking as though nothing happened. Once the conversation started back up he looked towards me and I just nodded as if to say 'good job, dad'. _

"_Thanks. That was definitely harder than I'd thought it'd be. I don't know what I'm going to do when he starts walking around and getting into things."_

"_I'm proud of you. You're so good with him, and I agree that discipline is only going to get harder from here." _

_We didn't talk about what happened again. I didn't want Edward to second-guess his actions and quite honestly, I had nothing to say. He handed the situation perfectly….but I think we also learned that L.J. isn't ready to feed himself yet._

Thinking about Thanksgiving definitely brought a smile to my face.

After Thanksgiving we all geared up for Christmas. Edward and I decided we'd head to Cool Springs to get some shopping done as we were flying to Seattle for the holiday. I wanted to go see my dad and Edward wanted to see his mother so we decided to leave Nashville for the holiday. It'd probably be easier to travel with L.J. now rather than when he gets older.

We spent our days off shopping together; going downtown to see the decorations and even went to Chattanooga one weekend to take L.J. to the aquarium. Edward really thought he'd enjoy it but once we arrived and started looking at all the fish I realized Edward's true motives. He LOVED fish…who knew? He walked around with L.J. the entire time and explained what everything was and made sure that his eyes followed the fish. I followed them with an empty stroller and felt like a dork but so what, my guys were having a great time and I loved watching them together. Honestly, if I could've found someone that I trusted to hold L.J. for just five minutes I would've found and empty closet and made sure Edward and I were in it…alone.

Leading up to Christmas I realized something pretty quickly…well two somethings really. One was that I wanted Edward with us permanently and I didn't feel like waiting too long and two, I was starting to turn into a horny teenager every time I am around him.

**Edward**

The past months have been a dream come true for me. If you had asked me a eighteen months ago if I thought that within the next two years I'd go from single and looking to into an exclusive relationship and a pseudo father to one of the most precious little boys you've ever laid eyes on, my answer would've been to laugh…hard. I can say that without a doubt James coming into my life was a blessing. He helped me so much in college and I am doing my best to repay the favor after he left us….there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish he were here to be with Lucas and see what a wonderful job he did in making that little boy but I also think that divine intervention took over and that everything has happened in my life to get me right where I am.

Today L.J. and I were hanging out so Bella could get packed for our Seattle trip because we are leaving first thing in the morning. I had quite a day planned, L.J. and I were going to clean out the fridge and catch the Titans game on TV. Just as I was about to get started on the fridge and had L.J. situated in his high chair there was a knock on the door. Once I got to the door and looked through the peephole I immediately opened the door.

"Hey Jasper, Carlisle….how are you? Come on in." I opened the door wider to let the two in and closed it behind them. They looked like something was definitely on their mind but nothing too bad. "Let's head to the kitchen, L.J. is hanging out while I get the fridge cleaned out since I'll be out of town for a while."

Once Carlisle spotted L.J. his demeanor completely changed. "There is my big man, how are you doing buddy? Are you ready for your big plane trip?" Carlisle continued to entertain L.J. so I turned to Jasper.

"What's up, man? Did you need something? Is something wrong?" Jasper just shook his head but didn't say anything. I was just about to ask again when Carlisle spoke up.

"Jasper, why don't you catch up with Lucas here while I speak with Edward for a moment." Jasper gave me a tight smile and walked over to L.J. and started playing with him. Jasper was a great uncle and L.J. loved it when he came over.

Once I was sure the two were ok I turned to Carlisle. "Would the living room be ok?"

"Sure. And don't worry Edward, it's nothing bad." He must've caught onto my nervousness but for some reason his comments didn't make me feel any better. We had a seat in the living room and Carlisle started talking.

"Edward, I've known you a while now and although we were not around each other a lot I still feel like I know all about you because of what James would tell us about you and your family and all about the shenanigans you both got into. I know you and Bella are together now and I wanted to come talk to you." As soon as he mentioned my relationship I really began to worry. This man had the ability to make life miserable for Bella and me and possibly talk Bella into taking him away from me. I didn't think that would really happen but just knowing there was a chance made me nervous. "I'm not here to stop you from being with Bella or forbid the relationship, quite the opposite actually. I want you to know that I'm happy for you both. No one, Esme and myself included, is going to keep you two from being together but I need to ask one thing." I just nodded. "Please don't ever keep us from Lucas. I know that you are so good with him, Edward. And I can't tell you how pleased all of us are that you are the person Bella has chosen to have in Lucas's life as a father figure, but I need you to understand that he is all we have left of James. James is gone and if there were something I could to do bring him back, I would….but since we can't I just want to make sure that you know how we feel about the situation. He's everything to us, as is Bella."

I took a deep breath before speaking. "Carlisle, I would never keep any of you from L.J. nor would Bella. She knows what it means to everyone to be able to spend time with L.J. and Bella wants him to know all about his real father and the best way to do that is to keep his family in L.J.'s life. I'll be honest with you, if I'm lucky enough to be with Bella and L.J. for the rest of my life, I'll be thrilled but if that wasn't what God had planned for us then that's ok too. Either way, I promise you that each of you will have a prominent place in L.J.'s life and I know Bella feels the same way." I took a long look at Carlisle after I finished talking and realized how hard this must be for him. His son went off to fight for his country and didn't make it back but left us all with a true blessing and this family is trying to keep his memory alive any way they know how. At that moment I realized the Cullen family would not only be in our family for the rest of our lives but also that Bella and I were lucky to have them. Carlisle's voice brought me from my thoughts.

"That means a lot to me, Edward. Thank you. I miss James every day but I know he'd be happy that you were here. He thought the world of you." I just smiled because I didn't really know what to say. Carlisle's words took a weight off my shoulders that I didn't realize was there. "Come one, let's go see what those two goofs are up to."

Carlisle and I got us and walked into the kitchen where Jasper was entertaining L.J. with the stats of the Titans' year so far so that he'd be ready for the game.

"Jasper, you do realize that he has no idea what you are talking about, right?" I asked.

"Listen, you make fun all you want but when he's reciting stats to his kindergarten class and they think he's the coolest guy in town then you'll come back with your tail between your legs."

I busted out laughing and Carlisle just shook his head.

"If he's reciting stats to his kindergarten class then I'm sending him to the next grade or maybe even two. And contrary to popular belief, reciting game stats isn't going to help him with the ladies…at all."

Jasper looked at me like I had no idea what I was talking about but I decided to just keep my mouth shut. After all Jasper was your classic nerd that was good looking and got the girl in the end so he believes nerdy things will ultimately win out.

Jasper and Carlisle finally headed out and I got my refrigerator cleaned. About ten minutes into the game Bella let herself in and plopped down next to us on the couch.

"Hey", I said quietly because L.J. had fallen asleep on my shoulder.

"Hi. How long has he been asleep?"

"Well, the game started ten minutes ago so he's been asleep about nine. He obviously is not interested in sports yet. Are you all packed?"

"Ugh, finally. We'll only be gone a week but it's much harder to pack for a baby than I thought. I forget that I will have access to a washer and dryer." Bella leaned back and closed her eyes. A few minutes passed and I thought she'd maybe fallen asleep but her eyes fluttered open. "I'm so tired and 5am is going to come early. I guess we'd better head home."

I smiled because at that moment she looked gorgeous. Bella is a natural beauty and she doesn't even know it and that makes her all the more desirable. "Y'all could always stay here if you'd like. I have a crib for L.J. and he's already asleep." Bella's eyes went wide and then they hazed over a bit. "I can sleep on the couch, not with you. I mean in the bed not the other…. And I'll wake you up when I get up. It doesn't have to be uncomfortable." I felt like I was babbling so I just shut up.

Bella tired eyes started to shine and she slowly smiled at me. "Edward, I'm probably going to be a bit forward with what I'm about to say. I can't stay here tonight and it's not because I don't want to. If I sleep here then neither of us are going to get much rest and tomorrow is already going to be a long day. I'd love to Edward and I know L.J. would be fine but as it is I'm having a very hard time staying on my side of the sofa so I think it's best that I head down the hall. But, I promise that I will stay here soon, very soon."

I continued to look at Bella but couldn't speak. When I found my voice I said the first thing that came to mind, "I'm so glad you said that because I thought I something was wrong with me. I feel like I'm 17 again. I love you, Bella. You and L.J. and I can't wait to spend Christmas with you both." I reached over to grab her hand and she didn't hesitate to intertwine her fingers with mine.

Bella and I sat there for a while longer before she got up to leave. I ended up just walking down the hall with her so I could put L.J. down without having to wake him up. I made sure L.J. was settled and turned towards Bella and out of L.J.'s room. As soon as she shut the door I knew I couldn't hold back any more and grabbed her by the hips to pull her towards me. She didn't even resist and just looked up at me through those long, brown eyelashes so I did the only thing I could think of….attack her lips.

Kissing Bella was like nothing I had every experienced. When I had her this close to me I knew I was home and I never wanted to leave. Her lips were just soft enough, just wet enough and just open enough to allow me to slide my tongue inside. After making out like two horny teenagers hiding from our parents for a few minutes I pulled away. We were both breathing pretty heavily but Bella didn't look upset so I knew that she also enjoyed my impromptu make out session.

"Ok, well….ugh, I guess I need to go back home. I'll see you in the morning..around 6am. Yeah….ok." I said to Bella and turned to walk away.

"Edward", Bella called out so I stopped and turned toward her. She walked up to me and put both hands on my face and pulled me closer to her. "I love you, you're a wonderful boyfriend and a wonderful dad for L.J. I can't wait to spend the holiday with you. See you in the morning." And she leaned in to give me a sweet kiss on the lips.

When I stood back upright I know I had what us southerners call a "shit eating grin" on my face. "Ok, see you in the morning."

I walked back down to my apartment with a million thoughts going through my head…the one that was a the forefront was that I was ready….for everything with Bella. And, I needed to talk to Charlie when we were in Forks…..and see if Alice and Jasper could take L.J. for a night when we got home from Christmas.

Again, like being a horny teenager and hiding from your parents.


	25. Chapter 25

I bet seeing this story in your update box is a bit shocking to you but here I am. Thank you to everyone that is still on the list to get updates and I apologize for taking so long between chapter 24 and chapter 25. I completely lost my writing mo-jo and it took me printing out and re-reading the entire story to get it back...plus 3 hour nap times.

So I'm back on a roll now...you're getting this update (it's not the best one ever but I'm already hard at work on the next one) and will probably get another one by the end of the weekend...and now that things are moving forwad my goal is to get this story wrapped up.

Also, I've gotten quite a few new followers recently so if you see my story recommended or talked about somewhere, please let me know...I would love to thank whoever is doing that.

Annnndddd, as always...I'm not a writer and hav eno beta. If you see any bad mistake don't hesitate to let me know

Chapter 25

Bella

One would think if you had to get up at 5am for a flight the next day you would crawl into bed as soon as you put your infant son to bed….of course Bella Cullen is not normal and I decided it would be a good time to stare at the ceiling and think. So, here I am…laying in a dark room and staring at the ceiling and having thoughts about Edward like I've just discovered boys for the first time. Yes, I would've loved to have spent the night but I'm right: I wouldn't have gotten any sleep and honestly I don't want just jump into bed with Edward before getting to talk with him. Another part of me wants to be 100% sure that I'm ready to take that step with Edward. I would be horrified if I decided to go further with Edward and then woke up with regrets because I felt guilty. I don't even know if that would happen but why subject Edward or myself to that possibility. I just don't want to hurt him.

Finally, after getting all these thoughts out and sorted I drifted off to sleep….only to have the alarm go off what felt like 20 minutes later.

"Ugh. Stupid early flight." Clearly I was talking to no one and as soon as I was upright I heard my cell phone beep with a text so I walked over to check it and realized it was Edward….and he was way too awake for such an early hour. The text read: _Hope you are up, pretty girl…time to head home for the holidays….can you hear the carols in the background._

Ok, so I love Edward unconditionally but it's becoming apparent to me that I will be the 'cool' one in the relationship. I mean even when he watches sports it's all about the stats and percentages and not actually what you see going on during the game. It puts a smile on my face to think about how really different he and James must've been in college but obviously opposites attract even in friendships. I would've love to have been a fly on the wall when they would hang out….poor Edward would be educating James on the science behind sports and James would explaining Edward that it didn't matter as long as he saw his team when.

After making my way to the bathroom and helping myself wake up with a shower, I went to throw my toiletries in my bag and then walked with both bags to Edward's apartment and softly knocked on the door. After about a minute of waiting I knocked a bit harder and he finally answered.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward asked and for the life of me I couldn't respond because there stood my boyfriend, who I had spent the night before thinking about in the biblical sense and then convincing myself not to rush things, in a towel with his hair dripping and looking like a freaking model.

"Bella? You ok? Where's LJ?"

"Huh?" was my intelligent response and then I looked at Edward from his toes all the way up to his eyes and then became more embarrassed because he clearly realized what I was thinking about.

"Bella, why don't you leave the bags with me, go back to your apartment and get LJ and as soon as I'm ready I'll come get you both. Ok?"

At this point I was mortified and couldn't look Edward in the eye so I just stared at the towel, which was probably not the smartest visual to concentrate on, before speaking.

"Yeah….yeah, that's what I'll do. Ok. Yeah, see you in a few minutes…or whenever…you're dressed. Whenever." I abruptly turned and started walking down the hall but hadn't heard Edward's door shut so I took one look behind me and there he was, grinning like a Cheshire cat and shaking his head. Great, now he thinks that I'm a hormonal pervert….isn't that the guy's role? Who am I kidding, nothing in our relationship is traditional so far so why should it start now.

Edward

So that wasn't exactly how I thought my morning would go when I woke up and started getting ready for the trip and now I need to hop back in the shower and get myself calmed down. I swear, I've had women eye me before and it's done nothing for me but when Bella's eyes went from my feet up it was the sexiest thing I've ever seen and had we not have somewhere to be I'd probably be following her, in my towel, back to her apartment. But, we have a flight to catch.

Twenty minutes and two trips to the car later I'm at Bella's door with keys, a cup of coffee and am ready to head to the airport so I just let myself in and what I hear makes me smile.

"Ok, big guy…I think you look handsome in your overalls and polo shirt and when we get to Seattle Edward's mom is going to be smitten the moment she lays eyes on you. You know, she's never met you before and we always want to make a good first impression…I figure that even if I say something stupid or wrong if you are cute and the sweetie pie that I know you can be she won't be able to help but love us. I mean, I'm sure Edward has put in a good word or two but you can never have too much help when meeting one's future in-laws. You should remember that."

When Bella mentioned future in-laws my eyebrows shot up but other than that the thought of marriage, in-laws and everything else that comes with it didn't even phase me. I decided to save Bella from embarrassment and I hollered her name like I had just walked in the door.

"We're in here. LJ is all dressed and fed, I just need to use the restroom and we can go."

I immediately walked to her and gave her a long kiss on the lips, taking a little nibble at her pouty lower lip. When I pulled away my dazed Bella was back and looking like she was off in la-la land.

"Ok, you go to the restroom and LJ and I will get caught up on the latest news. Right, buddy?" I turned to LJ and picked him up and he immediately put his head down on my shoulders. "Someone need a little more sleep? How about you hold off until we get on the airplane big guy." Who was I really kidding- I loved it when LJ slept on my shoulder and if him dozing off now means I need to entertain him for the flight then I will.

Bella used the restroom, did a double check of the apartment and once it was decided that everything was either turned off or unplugged we headed down to my car to start our 6 days of vacation. I could only hope that the trip goes as well as I want it to and we all enjoy the holidays.


	26. Chapter 26

So my son decided to take a 3 hour nap today and I got an entire chapter knocked out...and instead of holding onto it I thought I'd go ahead and put it out there and just write another one during nap time tomorrow. Plus, I can't sit in front of the comnputer and check Hollywood gossip websites any more and I needed to be productive.

I hope y'all enjoy. The trip to Seattle seems to be getting off to a slow start but I like it so I'll just go where it leads me.

Also, I don't know if any of y'all are reading His Cimmerian View but if not give it a try. It's AH and something different and outside of the box...which I tend to enjoy.

Ok, have a great Thursday/Friday and I hope to be back tomorrow!

Chapter 26

Bella

Ninety minutes after we left our apartment building I'm sitting at the gate for our flight to Sea-Tac Airport…completely exhausted and ready to already be in Seattle. What I've learned in those ninety minutes is that traveling with a "newborn" is much easier than traveling with a child that is more mobile, awake and wants to be entertained. Right now Edward it walking LJ up and down the terminal to entertain him because after falling asleep on the 20 minute drive to the airport he is wide awake and LOUD.

Getting from the car to the airport was not so bad. Edward actually dropped LJ and me off at the departures area with all the bags and helped me get to a bench where I was to wait for him. I swear the minute he drove away LJ went from zero energy level to a level about 100% and it definitely wasn't pleasant energy. What is it about children just sensing when something is going on and then they act like maniacs. I know what you're thinking…how does a baby act like a maniac….believe me, they do.

First LJ started screaming….screaming like I've never heard before. I swear if he didn't clearly look like me people would think I had taken this child from his parents. Tears streaming down his face, hands flailing all around and every person that walked by was looking at me like I was a terrorist. That, of course was how Edward found us.

"_Hey traveling gang, what's going on?" I heard him ask and when I finally looked at his face I know he was worried…about us both._

"_Edward, all I did was sit down and he lost his mind. He's been screaming like this since your car drove away. I have no idea what is going on but he won't calm down." Of course at that moment LJ realized Edward was in front of him, how he saw him through teary eyes I have no idea but he did, and quieted down. Immediately Edward reached for LJ and LJ reached right back….and with that my tears started falling. "What's wrong with me? Why won't he sit with me?" _

"_Bella, nothing is wrong. I'm sure he just knows we are somewhere new and remember that you woke him up earlier than he's used to and that's probably got him turned around. I know it's hard but he's just wound up. Let's get to the gate and then I'll get you both some food and that'll probably calm him down." Edward was looking at me waiting for confirmation that his plan would work for me and since I was an emotional basket case I just nodded and went to gather the bags._

"_Let me do that, sweetheart. Those bags are too much."_

"_No. He's quiet and calm. You just keep LJ relaxed and I can handle the bags through security." Edward and I had both decided that we didn't want to check a bag so everything was packed in two carry-ons, a briefcase and LJ's diaper bag. _

_Security wasn't a horrible experience but I'm sure that's only because LJ wasn't walking yet Edward could hold him while going through the detectors. When we finally reached the gate I plopped down…exhausted and ready to just get on the plane._

Finally I see Edward hunched over, holding LJ's hands and letting him walk over towards me. As I glance around I notice everyone in watching Edward and LJ with a smile on their face. Mostly it was older couples around us but there was an attractive woman watching Edward with a gleam in her eye and when I looked down and didn't see a ring on her finger I immediately sat up and was ready to show this lady that these two fellas were all mine.

"How did my guys make out on their search for food?" I know this was probably childish but I didn't care. I know how good looking Edward is and how sweet he is with LJ and I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I quickly glanced to the lady and noticed that she was back to reading her book and upon closer inspection I notice that it's that new kinky sex novel that everyone is talking about. No wonder she was eyeing my guy…I hear that book will get you going….or so Rosalie tells me because I haven't gotten the chance to read it yet and figure I shouldn't until I'm ready to be closer to Edward.

Edward

So maybe LJ's car nap was a bad, bad idea. When I walked into the airport and saw a stressed out Bella holding a very upset LJ I knew that this was not going to be the smooth sailing trip I thought it was going to be. I immediately went to grab LJ because I wanted Bella to get a brake and once he's in my arms he quit crying and that did not sit well with Bella. Honestly, my morning went from fantastic to shit in the matter of 30 seconds.

I decided that once we reached the gate I'd take LJ on a walk and give Bella some time to get herself calmed down and ready for the flight.

"_Come on buddy, we need to go have a little chat." I said to LJ as we were walking away from the gate and towards the first snack stand we could find. "Now, I don't know what is going on with you but you have to calm down a little bit. We have a bit of a flight ahead of us in an enclosed space with a lot of people we don't know and we don't want them upset because you are upset. Let's get you something to snack on and then we'll do some practice walking, ok?" Of course the only reply I got was a big gummy smile with a few teeth peeking through. I mean, when that's the response you get you can't help but hug him back in response. _

_So after grabbing a bottle of milk, a straw and pack of graham crackers we headed toward the gate. A few feet from the gate I decided to let LJ get a little exercise and walk back to Bella while I held his hands and he did a great job. I know he's going to be walking in the next few months and then there is no going back. When I looked up and saw Bella it dawned on me that this trip really was the first time I'd get to show both she and LJ my childhood and I couldn't wait. When I'm with Bella I want to share everything with her and show her the things about me that she doesn't know. I also don't see anything else when she's around, she's my soul focus._

"How did my guys make out on their search for food?" Bella said while she was looking around the gate. I kind of wondered what she was looking for but decided not to ask.

"Hi, baby. Did you enjoy your peace and quiet?"

"Yes. I saw LJ walking…he's really doing a great job and his little legs are getting so much stronger."

I looked down at LJ, who was now looking at his mother with adoring eyes, and nodded my head to let Bella know that I thought he was doing a great job with the walking. Just then the gate agent came over the loud speaker and asked that anyone who needs extra assistance with boarding go ahead and get on the flight. She and I had talked on the way to the airport and decided that we'd go ahead and get on and get everyone settles. Luckily, I was in charge of booking the tickets and picked out seats on one side where there were on two seats.

"Alright folks, let's get going…Seattle waits." I made a move to help Bella stand up and then grabbed one of the carry-ons while keeping a hold of LJ. When I turned around to look at Bella I saw that she was still standing at the seats and watching me. "You ok, sweetheart?"

After a few seconds on watching me she broke out a huge smile and just nodded. "Yeah, I'm excited to be traveling as a family and it just him me that a family is exactly what we are."

"You're right…and if I get my way you will be my family….permanently." I said this and then just looked at her to gauge her reaction. She didn't say anything but instead leaned toward me on her tippy-toes and gave me a kiss right in front of everyone.

Together we walked toward the agent who was patiently waiting for us, handed her our boarding passes and made our way to the seats.

Here we go.


	27. Chapter 27

Hello friends- well, what a weeks it's been. I tried to get this chapter done over the weekend but we ended up at the lake and then I was pooped and then I got sick so finally I'm on the mend and got this entire chapter knocked out today...i'm hoping to get another one knocked out tomorrow because this is just a filler chapter but it'll lead into the next chapter nicely I think.

Ok, so we are all in limbo with the whole Rob/Kristen thing. I'm a Hollywood conspiracy theorist by heart so part of me thinks this is a smoke screen for something else but I can't figure out what it would be for. Then I read other stuff that makes me think it's real. Who knows...I will say this...I'm 32 and can still remember what 22 was like (I was single and living in DC and happy hour was a way of life)...and I remember that a 41 year old married guy with kids was just ick...what is this homegirl thinking if everything is as it seems. There, now I've said my peace (I can't talk to my friends about it because they have no idea how 'into' it I am). Last thing- all the websites are reporting ridiculous stuff right now and the one I've come to trust the most is Lainey Gossip . If you haven't checked out her site, you should- she's hysterical and thinks us Twi-hards are funny (and maybe a bit crazy but she's funny about it).

Ok, onto Seattle...

Chapter 27

Edward

I hear the Captain tell us we are making our initial decent into Sea-Tac Airport and all of a sudden I realize that we are about to leave the Edward/Bella bubble we live in and march right into the real world. It doesn't seem like a big deal and it really isn't when I think about it but I do have a bit of anxiety when it comes to Bella and what her father will think about us since all he's really known was Bella with James. But, before I can get too lost in my thoughts I feel a calming hand on my leg and I realize that Bella is probably having the same thoughts and we are there for each other.

After about a minute of Bella trying to calm me down by holding my hand she said, "I don't know what's got you so wound up right now but I wish you would try to relax. This is LJ's first Christmas and we get to spend it with our families so it should be a good time."

LJ was asleep on my lap so I spoke quietly, "I know. I was just thinking that we are leaving our little bubble and entering the real world." Unfortunately for me Bella could see right through me so I finally broke down and said, "and I'm a bit worried about your father."

She let out a loud bark of laughter and just shook her head. "Edward, my dad is like any other dad….as long as you treat his little girl well, make sure she's happy and are good to his grandson then you are way ahead of the curve. Don't worry. Plus, since we are staying with your mom for a couple of days you still have time to get yourself calmed down."

I just chuckled. "You're right. On another note, can you believe LJ has slept for the last two hours?"

"Yes. He was so worked up when you went to park the car that I'm sure he wore himself out. With our luck he'll wake up as soon as we touch down."

And 15 minutes later we found out….that even a plane landing wouldn't wake him up. Once we got to the gate Bella decided she would get both rolling bags and my briefcase while I got LJ's diaper bag and carried him off the plane. We made our way towards baggage claim and once we got past security I immediately saw my mom and it was like I was a boy all over again. I walked right up to her, after making sure Bella saw her also, and she immediately went to give me a gentle hug so she didn't wake up the sleeping baby. After my mom let me go she stood back and gave me a long look.

"This looks good on you, Edward."

"What does, mom?"

"Happiness, fulfillment….fatherhood." I went to speak but she just kept talking. "Don't try to hide it Edward. You were meant to be a father and this little one will never know how lucky he is that you are going to be there for him for the rest of his life." At that I had no reply and part of me wanted to make sure Bella hadn't heard because she may be embarrassed so I turned to look for her and she was just walking up.

"Hi Mrs. Masen, it's so good to see you again….much better circumstances this time."

"Bella dear, call me Elizabeth. You are looking great, hon. I'm so glad that you and your son will be staying with me for a few days. I miss having a youngster around, we'll have a great time."

"Yes, ma'am. I don't know if you'll still love having a youngster after two days with LJ but he's told me he is going to be on his best behavior."

"Oh Bella, don't you worry. He'll be a perfect angel."

And just like that it felt like everything was falling into perfect place. But, before I could get too lost in my thoughts I was brought back by LJ's squirming and wanting to look around.

"You awake big guy?" I asked and then leaned over to kiss his head. "There is someone here who wants to meet you." It was like he understood exactly what I was saying. LJ turned his head, looked right at my mother and gave her a big gummy smile and few seconds later she held out her arms to hold him and he went right to her. I looked down at Bella, grabbed her hand and said, "Let's get going, the holidays are passing us by."

Bella

Having my son go right to Edward's mother was a relief. I wanted so much for LJ to like Edward's mother and it looks like that isn't going to be a problem. While I was watching Edward with his mother I realized that their relationship must be the type that mother's wish for. Edward and his mother are completely comfortable with each other, obviously love each other and his mom clearly misses having her baby around. I hope that one day LJ will feel the same way about me.

Finally Edward and his mother started walking towards the parking area and I quickly followed. Edward reached out for me to grab his hand and I didn't hesitate. With a baby there is little time to just be able to hold hands so it was a nice change. I was lost in my thoughts when Edward's mom began speaking.

"Bella, I borrowed a car seat from a neighbor that has an extra one for when their granddaughter visits. It's called a Britax and she installed it for me so it'd be secure. I hope that's ok."

"Oh, I'm sure it's great. Thank you for doing that, traveling without a car seat makes things so much easier. We were trying to keep this trip simple and I'm so glad we did after I saw how LJ acted at the airport before Edward got there."

Edward's mom just started laughing and mumbled something about remembering those days which lead Edward to shake his head and mouth the word 'no'. I just laughed.

Once we were settled in the car, after Edward triple-checked the car seat, we made our way towards Edward's home and when we arrived I was shocked. I knew Edward had a privileged childhood but had no idea that his house could be on a tour of homes. It was a gorgeous, two-storey brick home on a modest amount of land with a gorgeous front yard and I'm sure and even more beautiful backyard. I was a bit intimidated but then realized that money doesn't make everyone different and Edward turned out completely normal so what did I have to be intimidated about.

Edward's mom gave me a tour while Edward put all our bags away and gave LJ a "kid's tour". She showed me where her room was, the room she setup a borrowed pack 'n' play in and then she got to the final room and I realized it was Edward's because of little things I saw: a few pictures from when he was much younger, a Mariners poster and Star Wars poster. The last poster made me laugh a bit because true to what he's told me Edward was a bit of a nerd. Elizabeth's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"So you and Edward will be staying here, this is Edward's old room."

"Oh…ok. Um, great."

"If you are more comfortable staying in a guest room you are welcome to but I thought that since y'all are together now you'd want to stay together and I want to make sure you know I support you….both of you."

"Thank you, that's very kind of you." I honestly didn't know what else to say. I mean, _your son and I are not having sex_ really didn't seem appropriate. Instead I just nodded, grinned and then told Elizabeth we better find LJ and make sure he hasn't run Edward ragged yet.

After looking around a bit I noticed movement in the backyard and realized Edward was walking LJ all around the yard and talking to him while pointing at things. Times like these are when I wish James was here to do that kind of stuff but I know he's watching and would approve of Edward being there if he couldn't be. I decided not to interrupt the guys and instead went back upstairs and made myself busy getting things unpacked for LJ and setting my toiletries out. Ten minutes later I heard a knock on the door.

"Hey gorgeous, what are you up to?" I turned and saw Edward walking towards me.

"Is LJ with your mom? Is she ok with that?" Edward nodded so I kept talking, "I'm just getting everything unpacked. Umm, your mom put us in the same room…as you can see…but if you think I should stay in the guest room I will."

Edward smiled…a big, goofy smile. "No, here is perfect. You know, I've never actually had a girl in my room…during the day or overnight. Looks like mom was trying to help her baby boy out a little."

"Edward! That's awful, you shouldn't say things like that."

"Why? Regardless, I want you here with me at night…especially since I won't get to see you when your dad comes to take you to Forks. Come on, let's go downstairs and see how the two new friends are getting along."

Edward turned and walked out of the room and I followed a few steps behind him. I have no idea how I got down the stairs or made it into the kitchen because I was to busy wondering what Edward's body would feel like wrapped around mine. Since it was already after lunch I'd only have a few more hours to find out.


	28. Chapter 28

Happy Thursday out there. I got this chapter finished up last night and I'm not one to keep all my chapters (mostly because I'll get confused as to what I've posted, etc.) so I'm just going to go ahead and post it. If all goes the way I want you'll get one more by the end of the weekend.

I know the story has slowed down a bit but I feel like this part of the story is somewhat important and our couple needs to take their time. Don't hate me because they aren't jumping into bed right away.

Also, I guess the website I was talking about before didn't go through because it was a web address. The website is Lainey Gossip.

Hope you everyone ends their week on a positive note and enjoys the weekend!

Chapter 28

Edward

After Bella, LJ and I were all settled at my mom's house the day started to really drag by. I want to say that it went so by so slowly because we were dog-tired from an early morning and a long flight but let's get real; I was counting the minutes until bedtime.

We spent the day catching up with my mom, which then lead to her telling horribly embarrassing stories about me as a child to Bella and Bella soaking it all up. Finally, I had enough and was sure I was beet red from embarrassment plus, LJ was fading quickly so I decided to put him down for a nap.

Once we got upstairs and LJ had on a fresh diaper and onesie I decided to have a little guy time.

_"Hey big guy, are you ready to take a little rest? You've had such a long day and have really been a champ, I'm so proud of you." LJ already had his head down on my shoulder as I sat down in the rocking chair so I decided to sing to him a bit. After about five minutes I heard the tell tell sign that sleep was fast approaching: a deep breath and a bit of a nuzzle into my neck._

_"Oh baby boy, you have no idea how many people in this world love you and only want the best things for you. I know you are going to grow up to be big and strong just like your father but you have to remember that not matter how big you get you are still your mama's baby boy. Just look at me, I lay eyes on my mom and act like I'm young all over again. And you have the best mama. I know she's going to do everything in her power to make sure you are always happy and taken care of….and so will I. I am so lucky that you and your mama are in my life."_

_LJ and I rocked a bit longer just to make sure he was good an asleep and then I laid him down in the pack 'n' play and just watched him for a few moments. All I could think at that moment is what a blessing this little boy was to all of our lives. Carrying on James in physical form and reminding us how precious life is._

Once I got back down stairs Bella and my mother had moved on to talking all about LJ and his growth and all the things Bella has been worried about. I forget sometimes that Bella doesn't have a mom to go to and if she's comfortable talking with my mom about things then I welcome it.

A couple hours later LJ woke up but was clearly still tired and cranky so we all decided that it would be an early dinner and then to bed for everyone. We decided pizza was the best choice and had it delivered. Fifteen minutes after it arrived we were finished and started heading to bed. I kissed my mother goodnight, grabbed LJ to carry him upstairs and held my hand out for Bella to hold…which she did. It was one of the best feelings I've had.

Bella

Finally…bedtime. And although all I could think about earlier was Edward being wrapped around me, right now all I can think about is a nice, soft bed and getting a good 8 hours of sleep. And I prayed that my son felt the same way.

Once we made it to the top of the stairs I took LJ from Edward and went to put him to bed. I wanted to take a little extra time with him tonight since we were in a new place and he wasn't in his crib.

LJ was so tired and ready for bed. I changed him and sat down in the rocking chair and he immediately began shutting his eyes. Poor little guy, he was fighting so hard to stay awake but I knew it was a losing battle. After singing "Jesus Loves Me" and telling LJ everyone that loves him I put him in the pack 'n' play and turned off the light. As I walked out of the room I pulled the door mostly closed in hopes that if he woke up in the morning he'd hear the quiet house and try to go back to sleep.

I made my way to Edward's bedroom but before I walked inside I took a deep breath and said to myself, "don't be a baby, Bella. This isn't your first time at the rodeo….you probably won't even do anything. Just go in there, get ready for bed and go to sleep." So that's what I tried to do.

Once I went through my bedtime routine in the adjoining bathroom, I made my way back to into the bedroom and looked at Edward, who was reading a magazine while leaning against the headboard. I guess I could've just walked over to the bed and gotten in but that felt odd. Plus, I really didn't know what to say so I just stood there and waited for him to say something.

Finally he looked up. "Hi, baby. Did he get to bed ok?"

"Yeah. He's exhausted and I think he was mostly asleep before I walked out of the room."

Edward must've realized my apprehension and went to pull back the covers on the bed. "Come on, sweetheart. You were tired this morning when we were still in Nashville so I know you must be exhausted now."

Finally my legs regained mobility and I made my way over to the bed. After lying down and getting comfortable I turned towards Edward and watched as he put the magazine on the bedside table and turned out the light. His pajamas consisted of shorts and a t-shirt but even he made that look good. He was such a beautiful man. How this guy didn't have a serious girlfriend I'll never know…every woman deserves a man like Edward in her life. I was lucky enough to have two wonderful men in my life.

That thought took me in another direction entirely and Edward must've picked up on my mood swing.

"Bella? You ok?"

"Yeah, just thinking…you know."

"Do you want me to move to another room? I can if you want. I don't want to rush you into anything you aren't comfortable with."

"No. I was just thinking how lucky I am that I've had two wonderful men to love me in this lifetime. I miss James and I wish he had been able to see LJ but God has a plan for us all and I know this is my path to take. You are my future." And then I decided to dump the cowardice and make a move so I leaned it, wrapped my arms around Edward's neck and showed him just how comfortable I was.

All of a sudden I went from dog-tired to wide-awake. Edward was very responsive and moved closer to me all while continuing to kiss me. I felt like I couldn't get enough of him, I needed to just be closer and closer. Finally I lifted my leg, like a hussy, and threw it over his hip and that brought him to a screeching halt and he tried to move away a bit.

"I'm so sorry. You must think I'm….fresh or a fast mover. I'm not, I promise. I've never done that before. I'm so sorry." I said and ducked my head into his chest so I could keep what little dignity I had left.

"Baby, no…that's not why I stopped." I refused to look up but after a few seconds I felt Edward's finger under my chin and he was pulling my head up. "Bella, I don't want you to ever be sorry for showing me how you feel. You have no idea how refreshing it is to see you showing me with your body. I thought I was having some type of hormonal crisis because every time I'm around you I have to talk myself down and refrain from ravishing you. I love you…so very much. And when the time is right I know that being with you will be wonderful. But that all being said I need to know that you are ready." I tried to talk but Edward put a finger up to my lips and continued. "Baby, I know that you think you're ready and you want to be ready but let's go slow. It would absolutely break my heart if were with me and then had regrets afterwards. So…why did I stop you? Two reasons: one, I want you to know that I can wait and I want to in order for you to know you're ready and two, I was really about to embarrass myself with you and I didn't want to do that."

"Oh."

"Yeah….oh. You see, you are gorgeous and right now you are making a lot of my boyhood fantasies come true and I really don't want to react like a boy."

I giggled a little bit and got a light pinch in return. With that I knew that Edward and I were fine and as I thought about all that he said I agreed. I'm close to ready but not there quite yet and I definitely want no regrets.

After each of us taking a deep breath I returned to snuggling up with Edward and put my head on his chest as he ran his fingers through my hair. Just as I was drifting off I mumbled, "I love you, Edward. You are my best friend and I need you forever."

"You've got me, pretty girl. You and your baby boy. I'm not going anywhere. Get some sleep. I love you, too."

So with that I took one last breath, shut my eyes and drifted into dreamland.


	29. Chapter 29

I'm back...and I have OFS (Olympic Fatigue Syndrome)...anyone else suffering from this? I'm so jealous fo those that live in the same timezome of the Olympics because there is no staying up late to find out who won...oof.

Hope everyone is well. I may just get 1 chapter to y'all this week because I've got some stuff to do in the afternoons (when I write) but I'll see what I can do.

I want to say thank you to all my reviewers. I try to reply to each of you but if I messed up please know that your words are so motivating and encouraging. I have a super nice group of readers that are nothing but supportive. Thank you.

On with the show!

Chapter 29

Edward

Bella was clearly exhausted because she fell right to sleep after our talk but of course once she was asleep my mind was racing. Actually, maybe it was blood racing to certain parts of my body. I'm a good guy and want to make sure Bella is ready but stopping Bella was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I wasn't kidding when I said she was making childhood fantasies real: hot chick in my bed, said chick throwing herself at me and ready to go. Good Lord I hope she knows the feat that was to stop her.

Finally I felt my eyelids get heavy and I took a deep breath, tightened my arms around Bella and completely relaxed and before long I was dreaming of a tiny, brown haired beauty lying in Bella's arms while LJ and I look on.

"_You see your baby sister buddy, isn't she a beauty?" _

"_Daddy, she's so wittle. Why she so tiny?" LJ had the look of wonder on his face and I'm sure I had the same._

"_She's tiny because she's so new. You were that little one day and I remember I felt like I would break you but look at you now. One day she's going to get big like you but you'll always have to look out for her, ok? I know you are going to be the best big brother and make sure nothing ever happens."_

_Finally Bella spoke up, "LJ, she's so happy to be your sister. Just think baby, when you start pre-school next week you can tell all of your friends about her. They'll be so excited for you."_

"_Yeah!" was his response. _

_Finally I looked up at Bella, she was exhausted and looked like she'd just run a marathon but she had the most gorgeous look on her face. I mouthed the words "I love you" and she said the same back to me. This strong, beautiful woman has made every dream of mine come true and I'll never do anything but worship her._

_Then out of nowhere Rose appears in my dream and we are sitting at her kitchen table._

"_Edward, you jackass…what are you waiting for? Talk to her about making it permanent."_

_I'm sure the look on my face was one of shock. "Rose, don't you think it's a bit soon? We haven't even ….nevermind."_

"_I don't want to know about your bedroom activities. You may think it's soon but this is uncharted territory for you both. There are no rules here. You want Bella and I know you want Lucas James so just talk to her casually about it."_

"_Ok, ok. Hey, does Emmett know you're here?"_

_Rose gave me a sly smile and said, "Edward, who do you think sent me? He's to chicken shit to do it himself. Said he'd lose his man-card or something." _

_And with that she got up and walked out of the room. I took a deep breath and the next thing I knew there was a really bright light shining._

"_Edward, wake up baby."_

"_Ugh. No."_

"_Edward, it's 10am. Time to get up…the day is wasting away."_

"_Huh?" _

Finally I opened my eyes and realized that I was in my bedroom and Bella was standing over me. All of a sudden I felt something kicking my stomach so I looked to my left and realized Bella had put LJ in there with me. Immediately I rolled over to play with him.

"Hi big guy, did you sleep well."

"Dadadada." And then LJ decided that it was bubble blowing time so I joined in by blowing bubbles on his stomach which had him laughing uncontrollably. It was Bella that broke me out of my LJ haze.

"Ok, so since you guys seem to have everything under control I'm going to take a shower. Edward, go eat. We have a few errands to run before my dad comes to get me in the morning."

"LJ, she's quite the slave-driver, isn't she? So bossy." I turned to Bella and gave her a good, long look. "Damn, you're so beautiful. OK, you shower and then I'll shower and we'll be on our way. Your dad will be here around 9 tomorrow? And then I'm going to forks on the 26th, right?"

"Yes. Ok…shower time." Bella scurried into the bathroom and I turned back to LJ. After a few moments I smelt something awful.

"Buddy, do you have stinky britches?" His reply was more bubble blowing. "Your mama is a tricky one….and smart. Ok, let's go get you some clean pants."

LJ and I made our way downstairs to get him changed, get me some breakfast and get our day started.

Bella

I got into the shower and started thinking about the night before and of course it brought a smile to my face.

I was right, waking up with Edward wrapped around me was awesome. I'm so glad that Elizabeth decided to help us out a bit and put us in the same room. And, I'm so thankful that Edward was level-headed enough to stop us although I'm sure it was tough. I thought I was ready, and I'm sure I'm close to being ready, but making love to Edward for the first time in his childhood home is probably not the classiest thing to do.

I finished up in the shower, got dressed and headed downstairs to get ready for the day. Edward immediately passed by me and said he'd be 10 minutes max and then we'd get going. He was right, 10 minutes later we were all in the car and heading to the closest mall.

Edward, LJ and I spent the day picking up some last minute gifts for our family. We had talked earlier in the week and decided that we'd just do our Christmas gifts exchange when we got back to Nashville so we each shipped a box to our family for Christmas and then decided to finish up while in Seattle.

While Edward took LJ to the Toys R Us Express store in the mall I decided to go grab something for my dad at the sports store. Of course, right next to the sports store is Victoria's Secret and the lingerie on the mannequin inspired me to make a phone call.

"Bella, how is home sweet home? I thought for sure you'd be knee deep in Forks news by now and would've called me."

"Ha ha, Alice. I'm not actually in Forks yet, Dad comes to get me in the morning and then Edward is coming on the 26th and then we'll head home the 27th. What are you up to?"

"Enjoying my time away from the rugrats. I swear, I love this school and the faculty is wonderful but my kids were so wound up the last few weeks that I'm glad for the break. Where are you?"

"Edward and I are doing some shopping for our parents, well he and LJ have actually found the toy store and I'm shopping for my dad. Listen, I was wondering…when do you go back to school?" I bit my lip after asking because I was a bit nervous about the next thing out of my mouth.

"Not until January 5th. Since we didn't get out until Friday we don't go back until well after New Year's. Why?" I could tell I had Alice's full attention now so I just dove right in.

"I want to take Edward away for the night….like just the two of us and I was wondering if you'd watch LJ. I was thinking like the 2nd? Edward and I are working New Year's Eve since we got Christmas off and your parents are watching him then but I would really like to just get away with him for the night." I got everything out and then held my breathing awaiting Alice's response.

After about 5 seconds of silence I got it. "Breathe Bella." I took a deep breath like she could see me. "Jasper and I would love to take him Bella. And calm down, I think it's great that you want to take Edward away for the night. It's nice that you are taking the bull by the horns…or the man by the balls."

"Alice!"

"What, I'm not stupid. But I think it's good and y'all need to get away, talk and really think about where this relationship is going. This is all new Bella, there is no right or wrong way to be a dating widow….especially one with a child. Get it all out on the table."

I started nodding and then remembered Alice was on the phone and not in front of me. "I know, I'm just nervous. I didn't think I'd have to play the dating game again."

"I know, honey but can I be honest? You're not playing the dating game. This is it; we all know it and we are all thrilled. Edward wants you; Bella…he wants LJ and he wants to make sure that LJ is still part of our family. He's all in, are you?"

"Yes! Alice, I love him and I love how he is with LJ and you and all the Cullen's. If James can't be with us then I want to be with Edward."

"Then talk to him about it when y'all are alone….no distractions."

"I will. I promise. So you are ok to watch LJ on the 2nd? I thought we'd just rent a room downtown and act like tourists so we won't be far."

"Sounds good, Bella. We are in. OK, go make your reservation and find your guys."

"Ok. Thanks for being a good friend, Alice. I'm so lucky with all the people that are in my life."

"We know. I've got to run, see you soon."

I hung up the phone, stuck it in my pocket and turned towards Victoria's Secret. "Don't be a wimp" I said to myself and marched right into the store, found the lingerie from the mannequin and bought it in my size without looking back. After declining the typical VS bag I stuck my purchases in my other bag and headed to the sports store.

I'm in….all in and now I'm ready.


	30. Chapter 30

Only a few more days of the Olympics...motto: finish strong.

Alright, here is the next chapter...and I really hope y'all like it. I should be able to get one more out to y'all this week because the next one will probably be a pretty short chapter and then we move into the 'night away' chapter.

Hope everyone's week is winding down well...oh, and I'm wondering if someone can explain to me how you can go into hiding and not be seen for more than 2 weeks when apparently the entire world knows where you are...I'd like to do that sometime and just have my family fend for themselves!

Chapter 30

Edward

After two days with my mom and her family I'm so happy to be in a car for 3 hours…alone. I love my mother and I love her family but they talk a lot…a lot. On top of all the talking is the eating. I really don't think during the day that they were at the house for Christmas I went more than 30 minutes without a plate of food in front of me. Between turkey, ham, green bean casserole and my mother's pound cake I'm like a walking heart attack. I see why we are so busy at the hospital after holidays because people eat like crazy when they are with their families.

Now I'm on my way to Forks to spend the night with Bella and then head to the airport. To say I'm a little nervous is an understatement, I'm a lot nervous. Yes, I've met Bella's dad before and even talked to him in-depth but that was right after we found out about James being killed in Afghanistan and now I'm the guy that's in love with his daughter and grandson. Bella and I talked the night before her dad came to get her and of course I was told not to worry but that's easier said than done.

_"Edward, quit worrying so much. My dad loves you, you take good care of us and love us….that's all he wants." Bella was trying to soothe me by rubbing circles on my stomach and any other time that would lead me to do anything but think about her father but I was really anxious about it._

_"I know but it doesn't make it any easier. I've met parents before but I never really cared what they thought about me because I didn't really think they'd be in my life long term. I don't feel that way about you." During our talk I had slipped my hand under the back of Bella's tank top so I could rub her soft skin. She felt so good._

_"I wish I could say something that would make you feel better about it, Edward. The good news is that LJ will be there so you have 2 allies and we'll make sure to tell Charlie all the good stuff." She continued with the circles but moved her head to the pillow next to me so she could look at me. "Edward, I want to ask you something."_

_I shifted so I was facing her but still had my hand on her back. "What is it, sweetheart?"_

_"I was hoping that we could stop by the cemetery before we leave on Thursday…um, I need to talk to James and I want to take LJ because I'm not sure when we'll be back."_

_Before answering Bella I pulled her close to me so she knew I was comfortable with her question. "Bella, you never have to ask me that. I want you to go to the cemetery and I want to go too. I always want to make sure Lucas knows who his father is and if I talk until I'm blue in the face telling LJ about James then I will. I'd like to talk to him a bit too so that sounds like a great plan."_

_I couldn't see Bella well because it was so dark but I could tell she was happy by her the way her body relaxed. Instead of her making the first move I decided to lean in just to show her how 'ok' I was with her line of questioning. I started slow with the kiss and then when she relaxed even more I went searching for an entrance into her gorgeous mouth and she didn't disappoint. In fact, she even responded with a moan and it was everything I could do not to fist pump in celebration._

_We stayed that way for a few minutes and then finally pulled apart. _

_"I'm going to miss you when we leave tomorrow. I want to go see my dad but I wish you were going with us."_

_"I know baby, I'm going to miss you too. And of course I'll be super lonely with my buddy gone. Who is going to blow bubbles with me?"_

_Bella giggled a bit. "I know, you'll just have to blow bubbles with your mom. You know Edward, he loves you…so much." _

_"I love him, too. Bella, you know I love him like he's my own." _

_Bella rested her head on my chest and started rubbing the circles on my stomach again. We stayed like that for a while, just laying there. Finally Bella took a deep breath and shifted a bit, just about to fall asleep. _

_"I know you do Edward. You have no idea how happy it makes me to see the two of you together. I love you."_

_"Love you too, baby. Sweet dreams."_

Before I know it I'm passing the "Welcome to Forks" sign and my heart rate picks up. I don't know what is winning out more, my excitement to see Bella and LJ or my nervousness to stay in the same house as Charlie for the night.

Five minutes later I pull up to a small, white two-storey home and before I cut the engine Bella is running down the stairs towards me. I throw open the door and get out just in time to catch her.

"You're here."

"Yes, baby. I'm here." I put Bella down, give her a swift kiss and then finally take a long look at her. She's gorgeous. "Come on beautiful, let's get you inside and out of this cold. And let's go see my boy." That put a huge smile on her face. I turned towards the car, grabbed my duffle out of the back seat and turned back to Bella.

"Ready?" She asks.

"Yep, let's do this." I held out my hand for her, she took it and off to impending doom we went.

Bella

Finally he was back with us. The past two days had been wonderful because not only had I been spoiled by my daddy but my son got to spend a long of time with his grandfather. I realize that LJ won't get to see a lot of Charlie in the next few years so any time they can be together is great.

Walking back into the house I lead Edward to the living room where Charlie and LJ where sitting on a blanket and playing with LJ's new wooden blocks he got for Christmas…you know, the old school ones that have numbers and letters on them. He was having a blast figuring out how to stack them on top of each other and Charlie loved the chance to help him knock them over.

"Edward, it's about time you got here. Lucas here has been asking about you since we got home the other day. How was your Christmas, son?" My dad was looking right at Edward when he spoke to him but not in an intimidating way, in a way that shows he was really interested. Dad and I had spoken about Edward being so nervous and Charlie assured me that Edward had nothing to worry about.

"Fine, sir. And yours?"

"It was great. My two favorite people were here and we got to do a lot of fun things. Right, Bell?"

"Yeah, dad…Forks Diner, Forks High School, Forks only grocery store. We did get to go cut down our own Forks Christmas tree though. Edward, you should've seen the look on LJ's face."

"Oh yeah, he was mesmerized?" Edward had a twinkle in his eye that told me he could imagine just how exciting cutting a Christmas tree down would be.

"Yes, maybe he's a future logger", my dad said and I rolled my eyes while I thought Edward was going to choke on thin air. "I'm kidding, I'd never let him get involved in such a dangerous occupation."

"Dad, you're a police officer."

"Yeah but 'do as I say, not as I do' is my motto from here on out."

Edward and I started laughing and I felt like everyone loosened up then. Finally LJ was tired of the blocks and wanted to get to Edward so he crawled over to the coffee table, pulled himself up and looked up at Edward and said, "dada". Of course, Edward responded with a huge grin and reached down to pick him up.

"Hey big guy, how have you been? Was Santa good to you? I bet you got all kinds of fun stuff."

I responded with yet another eye roll and said, "Yes, he did…and apparently it's all already been shipped to our house including the adult size basketball, adult size football, John Deere wagon and talking Mickey Mouse. It'll be like Christmas all over again."

Dad's response was to tell me to be quiet because a grandparent's soul goal was to spoil their grandchild.

We all hung out for a while and then headed out for dinner. Edward and my dad seemed to be getting along well and were even talking about fishing so I had no doubt that Edward had officially been 'approved of'. After dinner we headed back home, watched a movie and then decided to turn in for the night since we had to leave around 9am so we could stop by the cemetery before heading to the airport.

"Alright kids, LJ and I are heading to bed. I'll see you in the morning. Edward, I put a pillow, blanket and sheet on the kitchen table for you. The sofa is actually pretty comfortable, I hope you sleep well."

I was trying so hard not to start laughing when Edward looked at me before responding. "Thanks, Charlie. I think the sofa will be fine. See you in the morning. Thanks, again, for dinner tonight."

Dad just nodded in response and headed up the stairs Once he was out of ear shot I turned to Edward and started giggling. "Well, I guess your mom is a bit more liberal than my dad. It's amazing, where does he think LJ came from, a stork?"

Edward just shook his head. "Don't be hard on the guy, he's a dad. If I ever have a little girl I'd be the exact same way…no matter how old she is."

"Yeah, right. She'd probably have you so wrapped around her finger that she could tell you she and her boyfriend were staying together and you'd help them put clean sheets on the bed or something."

" .Not. Bella, that's not even funny." I started giggling again but was quickly silenced by Edward's lips. Man, did I miss those lips. Pulling back he said, "Go to sleep, baby…we have a long day tomorrow and we need our energy to keep up with our guy." Hearing Edward say "our guy" made butterflies take flight in my stomach.

"Ok, see you in the morning."

I headed off to my room, got ready for bed and in no time was dozing off…but not before smiling at the memory of what a great Christmas this had been. Now I only had one more serious thing to do before I could start planning the evening away for Edward and me. I know tomorrow may be a little difficult but I need to see James before I go so he knows I haven't forgotten and that his son will always know him.


	31. Chapter 31

Sooooo...I'm sitting there, watching women run like 13 laps around the track and got bored so I started writing...and just kept on. The result: a third chapter for the week...it's like old times.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, wherever you are. I'm in Atlanta and we only getting into the low 80s this weekend so I won't be nearly as hot and may actually go outside. Plus, I have become addicted to all the Hollywood gossip stories and I need to turn off the crazy and get away from it...so I intend to do just that.

Enjoy the chapter- Bella was very chatty.

Also, I didn't get to reply to Ch. 30 reviews and I'm so sorry...I got too busy writing. I know I say this all the time but please know how much even just a few words are appreciated and really keep me going.

Chapter 31

Bella

The morning flew by much faster than I thought it would and before I knew it we were loaded into Edward's mom's car and heading to the cemetery. I was just wiping away the rest of my tears when Edward grabbed my hand.

"You ok, baby?"

"Yeah, I just miss my dad. I wish he could move closer to us so that I could see him more and LJ could know him better when he gets older. It was just dad and me growing up and now I feel like we aren't as close." The tears started up again and I just let them fall.

"Oh Bella, you aren't growing apart. It feels that way because you just aren't in the same state anymore. I know if your dad could get any closer on a more permanent basis he would. Don't be upset, we had a great trip and such I know you made Charlie so happy by coming out here…plus now he owes you a trip to Nashville."

I felt like the tears were finally done so I wiped my eyes with one of LJ's baby wipes and just nodded because Edward was right.

It felt like it was only a few minutes later when Edward pulled up in front of James' headstone. Just sitting in the car and looking at it was so surreal. Two years ago I was married to an Army officer and now I'm a widowed single parent. Life can change in a flash.

"Bella. Do you want me to come with you?"

I turned to look at him and what I saw was love and concern. Edward didn't know how to approach this just like I didn't know how to approach the situation but we were both doing our best.

"Yes, why don't you come but after a few minutes you can take LJ back to the car and then I'll come switch places with you. Is that ok? I assumed you wanted some time by yourself."

Edward gave me a sweet smile, nodded and then made a move to get out of the car. He got LJ and then we all walked over to were James was laid to rest.

I didn't feel like I could talk right away so I just stood there and got all my thoughts in order. It was always emotional for me when I thought of James being here and I wanted to make sure I got everything out that I wanted to say since I didn't know when I'd be baby. After a couple of minutes I was ready.

"Hi James, we came to say hello. Edward, LJ and I were in Washington for the Christmas holiday and wanted to come by before we headed back to the airport." I stopped a moment before continuing on. "LJ is getting so big and he's changing every day. You probably can see how he's doing. James, you'd be so proud of him. LJ is gorgeous and sweet and so, so smart. I wish so much that you could be here to watch him grow but you aren't and that's ok. We are in good hands." I stopped a moment and looked at Edward who was holding LJ. "Really good hands." After that statement I turned to LJ, "LJ, do you want to say hi to your father?"

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii", came his answer. This was something new that had started since we've been here and is apparently his favorite word to say.

"Good job buddy. Why don't we get Edward to put you down and you can walk over and lay these flowers on the stone." Edward set him down just as I was finishing and I grabbed both his little arms and helped him toddle towards the stone. His walking was getting better but just not there on his own. When we reached James's headstone I set the flowers on top and put my hand on it while setting LJ on my knee while I kneeled down. "See, baby…this is your father. He was such a wonderful man…a true American hero and you should be so proud of him."

LJ and I sat there for a few minutes before I stood up and helped him toddle back to Edward. Of course as soon as he made eye contact with Edward he said, "dada". Edward bent down to wait for him and when he got close I let go of his arms to see if the momentum would keep him going and although wobbly he took a step right into Edward's arms without any help. I gasped and looked at Edward.

Edward's adoration was written as plain as day on his face. "Great job, buddy. You took your first step and what a wonderful place to do it…where everyone that is watching over you on a daily basis could see." Edward then leaned in and wrapped LJ securely in his arms, picked him up and looked up to me with a huge grin. "Can you believe it, Bella…his first step and we were both here."

"I know. Maybe if we have a wait at the airport we can try some more." Then I leaned into LJ and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'm so proud of you, baby. Now you go get warm in the car and I'll be right there."

Edward responded immediately, "Don't be too long, baby. It's cold and you've been out here a while." I knew he wasn't trying to rush me but truly had my best interests at heart.

"I won't be long…just a couple of minutes." With that I watched Edward walk with LJ back to the car and I turned back to where James rested.

After a deep breath I was ready.

"Hi baby, it's just me now. I wanted to talk to you a minute alone. I want you to know that I love you…you will always be in my heart and I'll never let that little boy forget what a wonderful man you were. I miss you every day but I want you to know Edward is good to us….both of us. He loves LJ like he was his…I don't think that child will ever know a difference until we tell him. And he loves me…he's so good to me, James. I know if you can't be here then I have the best thing that is here now. I'll never forget what a wonderful husband you were and I thank God every day for the years we had together. I want you to always watch over us …but I don't want you to worry. We are going to be ok…I promise." I stopped talking for a moment and turned to look at the car and saw that Edward was in the backseat with LJ and talking animatedly with him. "I have to go now…Edward wants to talk with you a bit. I promise we'll come see you every time we are here. Thank you….thank you for being our angel. I love you."

With that I turned and walked towards Edward's car. When I got close Edward got out and walked up to me and held open his arms….I walked right into them.

"You ok, sweetheart?"

I nodded into his chest to let him know I was.

"Ok. You get warm. I'll just be a few minutes and then we'll get going."

With that he released me and I got into the car with LJ and started talking all about the big airplane we were about to take a ride on.

Edward

While LJ and I were sitting in the car all I could think about was what a strong person Bella was at this moment. She lost the man she thought would be her forever, a few months later she delivered his son and now she's out there, all alone, and telling him what's on her mind. There are a lot of doctor's I know that could take a page out of her book.

I made my way to James's plot and had a bit of a nervous sensation run through me. I know what I wanted to say to him but knowing and verbalizing are two totally different things. Finally I reached my destination.

"Hey man, you are quite a popular guy today." That sounded stupid…James was probably laughing his ass off right now. "Ok, that was dumb. I just wanted to come talk to you. I know you are watching over us and you know that Bella and I are together now but I wanted to tell you myself that I promise to take care of them…both. I love them, man…you were one lucky son of a bitch and I always knew that. I wish every day you were still here to be with her and see that son of yours. He's absolutely amazing, James. I've never seen such a smart little boy…he must get it from his mother." I laughed a bit because it was true.

"Man, James…I never thought I'd be standing here and talking to you like this. It breaks my heart. This is what I want you to know…I promise you I will take the best care of them and nothing will ever happen or hurt them under my watch. That boy of yours…I see as my own and I'll be the best dad I can be to him. He'll always know about his father and know what a great man he was. Bella and I will work hard to raise him right and make sure he goes from boy to man and does so well."

And now to the hard part.

"I want you to know I plan on marrying her. I don't know when but I do know she's it for me. She's my home and my world. LJ is the center of my universe and I want to make him mine too. I haven't said anything to Bella because we aren't there yet but I want you to know that I'm committed to them both and want them to both know they belong to me and vice versa. I hope you can look down at us with a smile and know that we are happy but also that we haven't forgotten you and never will. I love you, buddy. You were my best friend and really helped bring me into my own and for that I'll always be grateful. But more than anything you left me a precious gift that I intend to cherish forever. I have to go now, brother, but we'll be back…I'll make sure of it."

I stayed there a few more seconds before inhaling and turning to head to the car. Time to go home, time to go forward….time to tell them I want them forever.


	32. Chapter 32

Hello all! So sorry that you are only getting one chapter this week but it's a long one for my standards and there is a lot going on.

Thank you all for my reviews- you are all very kind and encouraging and it's nice. I feel bad for some of the other writers out there because I think they must get some nasty reviews...thanks for taking it easy on me.

Hope everyone has a great weekend...

Oh, and am I the only person that thought Rob Pattinson wore "heartbreak" really well...if I knew that's how good you could look after a breakup then I'd have told all the boyfriends I had in the past to cheat on me...heavens. Luckily I'm out of the dating game so don't have to worry.

Enjoy!

Chapter 32

Edward

I now realize why all the husbands and fathers I work with come back from vacation either thrilled to be back at work or in need of a vacation to recover from vacation. Even after being home a week and working through New Year's Eve instead of going out, I was still exhausted on my days off but because the day care was closed until the 7th I would watch LJ and that did not help things because he was just as wound up as I was tired. Luckily, I only had a few more hours before my shift was over and I could take the next two nights to relax…and Bella would be with me since she was off too.

That was another thing I was struggling with: Bella and LJ being at their apartment and not with me. I see now that we had been spoiled at my mom's house and even at her dad's. I got to go to sleep and wake up with Bella next to me or in the same house…and I got to help with LJ when he woke up before Bella or needed to be fed. I miss that time. Between my schedule, Bella's schedule and LJ being with Esme and Carlisle I felt like I'd hardly seen them and that was unacceptable. I guess New Year's Eve and a nap on New Year's Day were really the last times I'd see Bella more than 5 minutes.

_Bella and I decided to drop LJ off with the Cullen's and then drive into work together since we were on the same shift and I was really worried about drunk or even hung-over drivers being on the road when we headed out the next morning. Call me paranoid but when you see some of the victims of drunk drivers like I do it weighs heavily on your mind._

_LJ was nothing less than thrilled to get to see his grandparents and spend time with them so Bella had no problem walking away from him and I know Esme and Carlisle loved the time with him and the ability to spoil him. _

_"You ready to work this crazy night, gorgeous?" I reached over the console and grabbed Bella's hand, interlacing our fingers._

_"Yeah. I guess this will be the first New Year's I've worked in a few years…it seemed we were always in Forks for the holidays. Regardless, I'm glad to let some of the single people let loose for the night, especially since we got such a long time off for Christmas."_

_"You're right, Bella. I just wish it could've been you and me tonight but I promise we'll have a date soon." _

_Instead of a response Bella just squeezed my hand and focused on where we were headed. After another ten minutes we pulled into the parking lot, walked through the hospital doors, wished each other a boring night and headed to our floors. _

_The first half of the night went by slowly because all the people were still partying, it's usually around 1am when things get crazy. I found myself in the break room just before midnight in New York and was watching all the happenings in Times Square….it amazes me that people are willing to stand in the freezing cold for hours just to be there, I'd rather be curled up on the sofa with Bella…where there is a bathroom just down the hall. Apparently I was so engrossed in what was happening that I didn't even hear the door open but I was brought out of that trance when I was grabbed around the waist, turned and before I knew it I had a pair of lips on mine. I knew immediately who's they were so I decided to take full advantage of our privacy._

_Good Lord this girl is going to be the death of me. Bella's hands went to my hair and my hands went straight to her behind and I didn't care at all. I couldn't help myself; her ass in my hands and lips fighting for dominance was a total turn on. And I'm sure she could feel just how turned on I was. Again….didn't care._

_Bella finally pulled away and said, "Happy New Year, baby. I know this is going to be a wonderful year." Bella was looking at me with the most sincere look I've ever seen. I realized that she truly wanted a new start and was ready for the year. _

_"I think so too, Bella. Since we have another hour before Nashville rings in the new year does that mean I get another groping session then?"_

_"Ha. Ha. I wish but I think I'm going to have to start being on the floor more at midnight for vitals and stuff. But there was no way I wasn't getting my New Year's kiss."_

_"And I'm so glad you did." I leaned in to give Bella another kiss and then sighed, "I love you."_

_"I love you, too. Now I better get going….and no other kisses at midnight, ok?"_

_"Nothing to worry about, baby."_

_She giggled a bit and then turned and walked out. I would've followed her but after glancing down at my scrubs I realized maybe I needed just a bit of a distraction so I hung out in the break room until my pager went off. Looks like the New Year's madness was getting started early._

After that the night flew by and before I knew it Bella and I were headed home for a nap and then Bella was on another shift and I was just going to rest. I was lucky enough to score a nap with her that day but that was the last time I actually spent time with Bella but like I said, now we had some time off and I was going to spend it with my favorite person.

Finally, my shift was over and after briefing the oncoming doctors and nurses I took a quick shower and then headed home. I didn't even go to my apartment, I went straight to Bella's with the intention of taking she and LJ for a late lunch but when I knocked on her door there was no answer. Weird. I finally pulled out my cell phone and texted her.

**Hey baby, just got home and came to see y'all. Where R U? **

I headed down to my apartment and was just closing the door to my apartment when I got her reply.

**Heading there now, I'll come to your place when I'm back**

Since I had a few minutes I decided to go brush my teeth really fast since I felt like I had awful coffee breath. When I walked in the bathroom and went to grab my toothbrush I realized it wasn't there. Huh, I guess I left it at Bella's but then I started thinking that I just brushed them at my house the night before. Before my thoughts got out of hand I heard Bella holler for me so I walked out.

"Hey, Edward. How was work?" Bella was flushed from being out in the cold weather and I loved the pink in her cheeks.

"Good. Hey, were you here earlier? I can't find my toothbrush and I'm pretty sure I didn't take it to work with me today." I looked around and realized what was wrong with the picture I saw. "And where's LJ?"

Bella took a deep breath and looked like she really didn't know what to say but before I went further she began speaking. "Yeah, I have it. Ummm, actually LJ is with Alice and Jasper….he's going to spend the night there. Mmmmmm, we're actually going out…for the night. If that's ok with you."

I tilted my head because I didn't really get was Bella was saying and she wouldn't make eye contact with me.

"Edward, I want to go away for the night…not far. Just us…just the two of us. I feel like we haven't been alone for ages and I really want that …to be alone…with you." She finally looked up at me. "That is if you want to."

"So you planned this?" What kind of idiot response is that? "What I mean is did you plan for us to go away for the night before?"

"Yes, I called Alice while we were shopping in Seattle and then I made reservations a couple of days ago. We can leave whenever you want."

"Do I need to pack a bag?" I had a sneaking suspicion I already knew the answer.

"No, I did that earlier while you were working. It's just your toiletries, pajamas and stuff for tomorrow. We'll be back by dinner." While Bella was talking I walked towards her, not able to keep from touching her any longer.

"Then let's go, beautiful. I've missed you and I don't want to spend another minute away from you." I pulled her against my chest and just held on. After a while she started wiggling.

"Ok, let's go then. I think you'll really like where I made reservations."

"Let's do it."

And with that I followed her to the door and let her lead me out before turning and locking it. What a great way to come home from a long day and week from work. I couldn't wait to be alone with Bella.

Bella

I told Edward that I wanted everything to be a bit of a surprise so I was driving. Once I actually got him into the car and we headed out my nerves all went away. I don't even know why I was nervous in the first place. I know Edward loves me, and I know that like me he would love some time alone where it was just the two of us. It was just that I got a bit nervous explaining to him what we were doing and having him know that I packed a bag for him.

After some research I decided that I'd get a room at The Hermitage Hotel in downtown Nashville. It is a five-star hotel and right downtown so we can have dinner, maybe listen to some music and then head back…if that's what we want. Or, if we just wanted to be alone they had a great menu and full-service "in-room dining". Luckily, we were only about 15 minutes from downtown so we got to the hotel quickly. When we pulled up I got really excited…the place was gorgeous.

"Wow, Bella. This place is great. I've heard it's really nice but never have really looked into it myself. I'm excited, baby." Edward was looking at the hotel as we turned in and was just taking it all in.

"I know. I did a lot of research and was thinking about going out of the city but this place got such great reviews and is within walking distance of downtown that I decided to try it out. Plus, it's a five-star hotel and I've never stayed in one of those before." I came to a stop in front of the main entrance and was immediately greeted by a valet.

"Hello miss, are you here for the evening?" I just nodded in response…I wasn't used to using valets. "Great, let me get someone to help with your bags and I'll make sure your car is taken care of. Should you need your vehicle tonight please feel free to call down from your room and we'll have it waiting."

"Oh…ok. I don't think we'll be driving anywhere but thank you." I grabbed my purse and walked around to where Edward was standing.

"You know that guy thinks I let my "woman" do the driving…therefore wear the pants."

My reply was witty: "Yeah, he's right."

Edward had a shocked look on his face and I loved it. It's fun to have someone to tease and have fun with…this is one part of being in a relationship that I've missed. "Come on; let's go check out this place."

We headed inside and the place was absolutely gorgeous. I was taking it all in when I felt Edward pull on my hand. We got all checked in and were told our luggage would be waiting in our room for us so after a quick hunt for the elevators we headed to our room on the fourth floor and as promised, there was our luggage being unloaded by the bell hop. How in the world did he beat us?

"Here y'all are", he said after getting the two bags unloaded. "Is there anything else you'll be needing?"

Edward didn't say anything as he was clearly letting me run the show and that's exactly what I wanted. I had actually planned ahead so got the tip money out of my pocket and handed it to the bell hop after thanking him and telling him that we wouldn't need anything else.

After he left I turned to Edward. "So, what do you think?"

Edward smiled while walking towards me and instead of answering he just pulled me close and gave me a long kiss. I took this to mean he was happy with our room.

"I love it, baby. This is just gorgeous and perfect. I'm really looking forward to our evening."

"Me too. What do you want to do? We could go out to eat or just order in? I'll let you in on the decision making from here on out."

Edward laughed. "You know what I'd really like; I'd love to have a nice, quiet dinner with my beautiful girlfriend and then maybe go grab a drink somewhere. What do you want to do?"

I sighed because it's nice to be reassured why you're so perfect with another person. "That's what I want to do, too."

Edward and I looked over the menu, called in our order and turned on some music while we waited. Before too long our food was delivered, another tip given and we were ready to chow down.

We had just begun our meal when Edward started speaking. "Bella, I'm so glad we are doing this but why did you decide to go away for the night. I would've been just as happy at my apartment or yours."

"I know but I wanted to go somewhere neutral." Edward immediately had a worried look on his face so I set down my fork and decided to just jump right into this conversation. "It's nothing to worry about but I wanted to talk to you about some stuff." I gave Edward a quick look and he just nodded…still looking worried. "I love you, Edward. You have my heart, you have my son's heart and I know we have yours. You know that James will always be a big part of my life, he was a good husband and made a beautiful son and I'll never forget all that he was to me but that chapter of my life is over and this one is just beginning. We aren't in a normal relationship with the games and such so I thought I should probably go ahead and tell you how I'm feeling about things."

Edward just sat there, waiting for me to continue.

"I want to be with you, Edward…forever. I don't feel a desire to keep dating or "see what else is out there". You're it for me and you're it for my son. I want you to be his daddy, I want to grow old with you." The next statement I whispered, "And I want to have more babies with you." Before speaking Edward leaned over and gave me a gentle kiss as if to say keep going. "I don't really know what else to say but to say I'm done. I don't want to jump into anything but I'd rather you know where I am personally with our relationship." Then I took a deep breath, looked him right in the eyes and said, "And I'm ready."

Clearly Edward didn't get what I was saying but I wasn't saying it again. I'd just let the evening go on and wouldn't force anything. I picked up my fork and continued eating because the meal looked too good to pass up and I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a nice meal. Edward followed my lead but I noticed there was a slight crease in his forehead so I know he was thinking hard about all that I'd said.

We went on, in peaceful quietness, and both enjoyed our meal and wine. Just before I took my last bight of food Edward's voice grabbed my attention.

"Bella, I love you too."

I cocked my head to the side because I didn't understand why he was telling me this. I knew that he loved me.

"I'm not coming across right. I love you, I have probably loved you in some way since the moment I laid eyes on you at Jasper's wedding but James beat me too you and he was a good man so I didn't fight it. I think you had a good life with him and he left you with a precious gift but I want you to know that I love you both like you've been mine for years. I'm so glad we aren't playing the games and can be open and honest with each other. I want it all with you and I want LJ to be mine…in every sense of the word. I want you to be my wife and I already see him as my son. I want him to call me 'daddy' forever, I want to coach his tee-ball team and I want to be there when you come home after a bad day. You're it for me. I don't need to look any further either because what I have is perfect." While Edward was speaking I felt my eyes welling up with tears that I knew I wouldn't be able to control so I just let them flow. "I know we aren't ready to walk down the aisle right now but I am going to be honest and tell you that I've thought about it. I can see you coming towards me, holding LJ's hand and having our family all around us. I can see buying a house with you, tucking LJ into bed every night together and then getting to hold you while you sleep. I see it all with you. You are my dream come true."

When I was sure Edward was done I slowly got up, walked over to where he was sitting and got down on my knees to be at eye level with him….he didn't really like that.

"Baby, don't kneel down." He scooted his chair back a bit before saying, "come up here with me. I need to hold you."

I did what he asked and sat in his lap and cupped his face with both my hands. Getting as close to possible to him without actually kissing him I whispered, "I love you. I want all that, too." I leaned in to kiss him and what started as a sweet, innocent kiss quickly turned more heated and before I knew what was happening I turned towards Edward and straddled his lap to make myself more comfortable. I grabbed at Edward's hair, running my fingers through it, while he slipped his hands under my shirt and ran them up and down my back.

Since I was straddling Edward I could feel how hard his was for me and my natural reaction was to create the friction that I so desperately needed. Edward let out a low moan when I started moving and immediately grabbed my hips, making me stop. I pulled back, grabbed his face again and looked him square in the eyes.

"I'm ready."

Edward grabbed the back of my thighs, stood up with me and started walking towards the bed. This was it…and I was ready.


	33. Chapter 33

Hooray for father/son outing day...means mommy gets another chapter written.

So here is the next chapter...and I must prefae this chapter by saying I have never actually written one like it. I've read tons of romance novels from Catherine Anderson to Lora Leigh (this has given me different ideas on how to write this chapter) but never actually attempted it on my own. I hope you enjoy this and aren't disappointend.

Thanks for all the reviews- I tried to reply to those of you who sent one in.

Have a great weekend, wherever you are!

Chapter 33

Edward

After what felt like a mile walk I made it to the bed and gently laid Bella down in the middle of it without breaking our kiss. She felt so good wrapped around me and this was with all her clothes on, I can't imagine what she would feel like with no barrier between us. She was ready and so was I.

It was honestly like I couldn't get enough…enough of her lips, her tongue, touching her soft skin and feeling her reaction to everything I was doing. Finally I decided that she had taken the iniative on everything so far and that I wanted to take charge now so I made a move to take off her shirt and once she figured out what I was doing she sat straight up and ripped it off.

"Bella, patience beautiful girl. I don't want to rush this; I want to take in every inch of you." I leaned down and started kissing her chest and then started to trail down from there.

"Uhhhhhhhh, Edward. Can we please go slow next time? Please." She was wiggling around underneath me so I figured she must be enjoying all that I was doing.

I started making my way back to her mouth and when I reached my intended target I reached around Bella's back and removed her bra and then her hands immediately went to my shirt and pulled it off. I pulled back and just looked…she was gorgeous.

"Stop looking at me like that Edward." She ducked her head and went to put her hands over her breasts but I stopped her.

"Baby, you are so beautiful. Don't be shy with me, you have no reason to be."

Bella took a deep breath before relaxing her arms and looking up to me. "Edward, I've been waiting for this for a while and we have all night, can we please go a little faster this time?"

"Baby, we can do whatever you want but I want to make sure you're ready for me."

"Oh, I'm ready." Bella's hands moved to the button on her jeans and undid it and pulled them down and I just watched. There is nothing sexier than watching a beautiful woman undress for you.

Finally, she had removed all her clothes and then looked at me as if to say 'ok, you're turn' so I did just that. While I was undressing I noticed she wiggled to the top of the bed and pulled down the sheets. When I was done I climbed in with her and turned to face her and pulled her close.

"Bella, I'm not going to ask you but I just want you to know that if you need to stop all you have to do is tell me. No questions asked, ok?" She nodded and I leaned in to kiss her. I was the luckiest man alive with the woman of my dreams in my arm and she was about to give herself to me.

After a few minutes I rolled on top of her and kissed her behind her ear, down her neck and finally reached her right breast. At the same time I reached down to make sure she was physically ready for me and when I touched her she immediately jerked her hips toward me. I got my answer. I moved to spread her legs and I settled in between them, slowly moving towards her entrance.

"Edward, wait." I abruptly pulled back and looked at her. "I'm fine and I don't want you to stop." She was whispering now so I knew whatever she was about to say was serious. "I haven't done this since I had LJ…obviously. I just don't know how it's going to feel for you. I just want you to know."

"Bella, sweetheart. There is nothing that won't feel good about this, I promise. If it didn't feel good then people would never have more than one child. I promise, you're going to be perfect." I gave her a quick kiss on the tip of her nose and then moved to her lips. Once I felt her relax in my arms I moved my lower half towards her entrance and pushed forward.

Yeah, she had nothing to worry about…she was perfect…and I was home.

Bella

"Bella, damn you feel good baby." I heard Edward say and if I hadn't been caught in the moment by how right he was I'm sure I would've giggled a bit. Edward hardly ever swore. "Do you feel it, baby?"

"Yeah." What a great answer, Bella. "Please don't stop."

"Never."

Edward and I kept up our dance going and before I knew it I was flying high and when I felt him speed up and then let out a soft moan I knew he was right with me. Always with me. Edward immediately lost his hold on his weight and ended up pretty much lying on top of me while his lips were resting on my neck. I reached my arms around him and just rubbed my hands up and down his sweaty back. I didn't care about the sweat…what we had just done was beautiful and I didn't want to let go of him. A moment later Edward started to move and I let him because he was a little heavy.

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to fall on you." Edward rolled off of me and onto his side but pulled me close and slung his leg over my hip. I felt safe and secure and just relished in the moment.

"I liked it, Edward. It's nice to feel your whole body on me."

"Oh yeah?"

I nodded and rested my head near his chest and started rubbing my hands through his light dusting of chest hair.

"Bella, that was awesome. You are gorgeous and you felt so good baby. Don't ever worry about that again, there is definitely not a problem there." I started giggling because I was sure when Edward thought about what he'd just said he'd try to back track. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I sound like an ass." My giggle turned into a laugh.

"Edward, you're too cute. You were perfect, too. And you felt so good." I looked him in the eye after that and he leaned down to kiss me and had we not been exhausted I would've gone for round two but I felt myself drifting so I pulled back a little.

"I love you, Edward. I'm so glad you're here with me and have been with me for a while. I'm so lucky."

"No, Bella. I'm the lucky one. And, before you drift off because I can see that's what is about to happen I want to ask you something." I just continued to look at him so he'd keep talking. "Well, two things actually. First, I'm a jackass because I didn't even ask about using a condom. I'm clean, I promise. And, I'm sorry that I didn't bring it up." I immediately held my finger up to his lips.

"Edward, I'm on the pill and have been since LJ was about six months old. I have an irregular period so usually stay on the pill. And I didn't want anything between us so I'm not sorry…and I hope you aren't either."

"No, I'm not. You felt wonderful. Ok, now for number two." He stopped talking for a moment and took a deep breath. "I want you and LJ to move in with me. Actually, I'd like to look for a bigger apartment in our building so LJ can have his own room and then can have a playroom too. I know it's fast and I want you to think about it but I also know my lease is up soon so it'd be the perfect time."

I kept rubbing circles on Edward's chest and felt him pull me closer to him. Was I ready to live with him? Would it be awkward with Esme and Carlisle…no, I decided. Was I ready to make that commitment…yes. Would LJ like it…definitely. Finally I looked up at him and he gave me a soft smile. Yes, I wanted to live with this man but I had one condition.

"Edward, I do want to live with you but not how you want it." His huge grin slowly turned into a frown.

"What do you mean? Do you want to wait?"

"No, I've been thinking about this a lot recently because I have James's life insurance and have talked to Esme and Carlisle a lot and they agree." I stopped for a moment and the look on Edward's face was pure worry so I put my finger on the little 'V' between his eyebrows. "I want to buy a house, Edward. And, I want you to do it with you. I've always dreamt that LJ would be in a home with a big backyard where he could play. I want him to be somewhere long term and not move around a lot like I had when I grew up."

He sat there…stunned, I'm sure. I think I probably said the last thing he ever thought. After just looking at each other for a bit he finally must've had that light bulb go off in his mind because he started talking…a lot.

"Yes, I want to buy a home with you and LJ. I want it all, Bella…everything you can give me. Where do you want to look? I think a four bedroom home would be perfect for us now and for anything that comes in the future. I think Brentwood is a nice area or Green Hills, I hear they have great schools. Have you called any realtors?" I put a stop to that pretty fast.

"Edward…stop." He quit talking. "I have thought about it and that's all. I love all the ideas you have and tomorrow I think we should sit down and talk about it but for right now I want you to keep your word."

"What do you mean?"

"I want you to take your time." I didn't say another word because I wanted it to click with him…and I realized when he formed a huge grin that he got it.

"You want me to take my time? Well, your wish is my command, my dear. Do you have any particular place you'd like me to start?" I decided to take back control by grabbing his hand and putting it where I was thinking about him kissing me. He nodded and said, "Then let's go slow, baby."

And we did….go slow. Multiple times.


End file.
